Tag Archives: diplomacy

  get christies's love

If Chris Christie Were King of America He’d Fix This Shutdown Nonsense Fast, By Yelling At It Probably

Chris Christie wants America to know that Barack Obama caused the government shutdown by “not bringing people together,” and if Chris Christie were in charge, he’d run this railroad a heck of a lot better, by golly: “My approach would be, as the executive, is to call in the leaders of the Congress, the legislature, whatever you’re dealing with, and say, ‘We’re not leaving this room until we fix this problem, because I’m the boss, I’m in charge,” Christie said. “When you’re the executive, if you’re waiting for leadership from the legislative branch of government, whether you’re the governor, or whether you’re the president or you’re mayor, you are going to be waiting forever, forever because they’re not built to lead and take risk.” Yeah, why hasn’t Barack Obama dragged the leaders of the House and Senate in and told them to play nice and fix America? Because nothing says leadership like announcing “I’m in control here.” Look how well it worked for that one general guy! Read more on If Chris Christie Were King of America He’d Fix This Shutdown Nonsense Fast, By Yelling At It Probably…
  how is diplomacy formed?

White House Will Happily Pretend Yesterday’s Syria Breakthrough Was Their Plan All Along

We watched Storage Wars last night instead of the President’s address on Syria, but we read the transcript and we give it a B. Hit the right marks, soaring rhetoric kinda phoned-in. So now let’s commence the giving of mad Syria props because the new narrative is that they solved it with a year of brilliant diplomacy and derring-do. Cool narrative, right? If it’s your bag, here is what you’ll have to believe in order to construct a reality in which Obama and his team did a great job on Syria, and that’s why Assad says he’ll give up his chemical weapons: Read more on White House Will Happily Pretend Yesterday’s Syria Breakthrough Was Their Plan All Along…
  Greetings From This Fucking Airport This Sucks

Your Handy Wonkette Guide To How You Should Feel About Edward Snowden

It has been nearly a month since Edward Snowden woke us from our pleasant dream that the Fourth Amendment was still a thing, yet amazingly, the NSA’s legal-sure-why-not data suck-and-swallow is still a major story. Yr Wonkette loves the taste of crow, so we are fine admitting we were slightly off-base about Snowden being an annoying fame-whore; we are apparently not as smart as Edward Snowden and didn’t understand at first that the chances of NSA sticking as a major national story are increased if Snowden himself is compelling and polarizing. Heck, maybe that’s why he’s continually releasing stuff that doesn’t have anything to do with domestic surveillance, such as that we spy on China, and oh, everyone else, too, even our allies (especially them, the bastards!), as Der Spiegel reported on Sunday. Maybe Snowden is just trying to keep “winning the morning.” Read more on Your Handy Wonkette Guide To How You Should Feel About Edward Snowden…
  special relationship

Mitt Romney Lies About His BFF Bibi

When we were in high school we had a friend who claimed his family was really tight with Morgan Freeman’s, and he’d tell us all kinds of hilarious stories about the good times he’d had, just hanging out with Morgan Freeman and having all kinds of deep talks wherein Morgan would generously give him sage advice on how to handle the various challenges in his life. Except THEN it turned out that he had been lying the whole time and he was super embarrassed.  See, this is why our friend from high school is a better person than Mitt Romney, who tells similarly ridiculous lies all the time and then doesn’t even pretend to be embarrassed. Like how he’s been running around saying that he was really good friends with Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyatu. But then Vanity Fair ASKED Binyamin Netanyahu about his good friend Mittens, and Bibi was all like “who? Oh THAT guy.” Read more on Mitt Romney Lies About His BFF Bibi…
  rumors on the internets

Women Don’t Need 3,054 Languages To Call Men Hypocrites

Can women have it all? Not yet! At least, not until I get an Iron Man suit — sorry, Iron Woman. [The Atlantic] Are liberals hypocrites about national security?! How dare you, Salon! That’s so mean! Anyway, probably. I mean, liberal Hollywood’s movie Iron Man is about an arms dealer who forgoes making weapons — to turn himself into the ultimate weapon. [Salon] Read more on Women Don’t Need 3,054 Languages To Call Men Hypocrites… Read more on Women Don’t Need 3,054 Languages To Call Men Hypocrites…
  decisive moves

U.S., Other Sharia-Based Countries Destroying Israel With UN

The Obama administration is trying very hard at the moment to not have to call the Israeli settlements in Palestine illegal. Oh, diplomacy, you’re so silly. In order to do so, the U.S. has tried to make a deal with Arab countries to vote for a statement saying it “does not accept the legitimacy of continued Israeli settlement activity.” What is the difference between calling something illegal and saying you don’t accept its legitimacy? A lot, apparently. Enough to get all upset about. So much so that if this “settlements are illegal” resolution gets to the Security Council, the Obama administration may make its first veto. Does Obama really want the Palestine issue to be resolved, or does he want things to just stop happening in Palestine and for everybody to shut up their countries? It’s confusing. Let’s just say he’s a secret Arab Muslim because he doesn’t scream out “OH, ISRAEL, YES” when he’s having sex with Michelle, okay? Read more on U.S., Other Sharia-Based Countries Destroying Israel With UN…
  small-time krauthammer plagiarizers

Professional President Newt Gingrich Says Obama ‘Amateurish’ On Egypt

“I think the fact that they appointed a very able diplomat Frank Wisner and within two days were publicly contradicting him is you know so amateurish,” Gingrich told CNN Chief National Correspondent John King. “I was with John Bolton (former ambassador to the United Nations) last night. He said it’s inconceivable that they would be this clumsy and this out of sync. I mean just with themselves, forget the Arab world. They can’t even get the White House and their special envoy to be on the same page.” Read more on Professional President Newt Gingrich Says Obama ‘Amateurish’ On Egypt…
  pandaleaks

It’s All Going To Be OK: The Zoo Pandas Signed a Five-Year Extension

Why do we suddenly see members of Congress referring inanely to nerdface Hu Jintao, the weakest leader in the history of the People’s Republic of China, as a “dictator” and a murdering “gangster”? Our pandas have been SECURED. That’s right, Washington, your pandas have signed a five-year extension, so you can rest assured that your mediocre zoo will continue to be somewhat used for something other than as a jogging track. “The pandas may be a cultural attraction we had to borrow from China, but everything in Washington is borrowed from China, and we need something to put on our Metro cards.” But despite the free speech grandstanding, if China suddenly becomes a democracy we probably will lose the pandas, haha. Read more on It’s All Going To Be OK: The Zoo Pandas Signed a Five-Year Extension…
  i feel free

North Korea Wants Eric Clapton

According to diplomacy nip-slip site WikiLeaks, North Korea loves Eric Clapton and wants him to perform in their country as a Clapton-American favor of “good will,” which is what North Koreans call temporarily halting their development of nuclear weapons and targeting of South Koreans to shoot in exchange for free stuff from the West. Or that is what North Korean leaders call it, because the rest of their countrymen have eaten their own larynges as a source of food and thus cannot speak. It is also rumored that Kim Jong-Il’s sons went to Clapton concerts when they were attending school in Switzerland, because all kids, even Kims, like hot tween pop-stars like Eric Clapton. Read more on North Korea Wants Eric Clapton…
  and don't forget to nuke iran

John Bolton Has An Opinon About Wikileaks: Barack Obama Sucks

Have you been waiting and waiting for former UN ambassador/UN hater John Bolton to chime in with some wingnut bullshit regarding WikiLeaks? Well, the God of America heard your prayers! (American God did not, however, hear all your other prayers. So, maybe a job next year?) Anyway, John Bolton is pretty much an “O.G.” when it comes to the cyber sex or whatever so he has some solid grounding when it comes to forming an opinion about all the WikiLeaks leaking all over the place all the time, and it is pretty much that Barack Obama is far worse for America than WikiLeaks. Read more on John Bolton Has An Opinon About Wikileaks: Barack Obama Sucks…
  little brothers ugh

WikiLeaks Documents: Canada Doesn’t Trust U.S., Doesn’t Feel Loved By It

A trove of diplomatic cables, obtained by WikiLeaks and made available to a number of publications, disclose a perception by American diplomats that Canadians “always carry a chip on their shoulder” in part because of a feeling that their country “is condemned to always play ‘Robin’ to the U.S. ‘Batman.’ ” […] Read more on WikiLeaks Documents: Canada Doesn’t Trust U.S., Doesn’t Feel Loved By It…
  ghostriding the ant

Foreign Leaders No Longer Excited By Poor Old Obama

At one point, foreign leaders all wanted a piece of Obama so they would be able to tell their countrymen, “I know The Black Guy!” But as you can see from this sad photo of the G20 leaders gathering for a photo at the summit’s replica Honey, I Shrunk the Kids attraction, nobody cares about him anymore. “When I first came into office people might have been interested in more photo-ops because there had been a lot of hoopla surrounding my election,” Obama said. “And now they just completely ignore me and tell people behind my back that I have cooties,” he didn’t say. Read more on Foreign Leaders No Longer Excited By Poor Old Obama…
  ya burnt jimmy carter

Kim Jong-Il Lets Jimmy Carter Run Country While He’s Away

Oh, Jimmy Carter is in North Korea right now? That’s funny, because Kim Jong-il is in China with his son. Yeah, hope you enjoy talking to a country full of Kim Jong-il’s servants, peanut man, because ol’ Jong face can’t make it in today. Too busy with his gay life partner China. JIMMY CARTER, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE IN THAT COUNTRY WITH POLITICAL SKILLZ. START A COUP! You may be old and peaceful and old, but he has basically handed you that country for the taking, and you are the only one who has lived your life making decisions for yourself. You are the only one who has run a government! NEW USA! NEW USA! NEW USA! Read more on Kim Jong-Il Lets Jimmy Carter Run Country While He’s Away…
  2010 nobel prize winner

JOHN KERRY IS SO DIPLOMATIC, HE SHOULD BE SECRETARY OF STATE!: When a reporter suggested that he had become the “de facto secretary of state,” Kerry grew flustered, sputtering, “I don’t want — you know, I don’t even — I don’t think that’s appropriate, de facto, whatever, whatever.” [Washington Post] Read more on …
  the new sarah palin

Michael Steele Says A Thing Again! This One’s About Loving An ACORN

Michael Steele! It has been a full forty-five minutes since he has last tempted John Boehner to actually murder him. Things are quiet… too quiet. Back on The Streets when things were too quiet, this meant that one of the Street People had to make a move. You can bet your Boston Terrier that Michael Steele has internalized the Street Lessons. John Boehner would be a FOOL if for one second he really believed that Michael Steele considered the GOP’s threats to be hip OR hop, ho ho ho! Manifestly, that sort of arrogance would get him GUN-KILLED back on the Streets! Michael Steele’s hatred of John Boehner is literally the only possible explanation for Steele’s latest thing: publicly announcing how much he loves ACORN’s leader, despite, of course, despising the work that she does and everything she stands for. Read more on Michael Steele Says A Thing Again! This One’s About Loving An ACORN…
  a disgrace to america

TREASONOUS ‘TALKING’ WITH IRAN CLEARLY FURTHERS CASE FOR BOMBING IRAN: “GENEVA — Iran and the big powers opposed to its nuclear program appeared to make progress Thursday in talks that included the highest-level direct discussions with the United States in many years, with both sides agreeing to hold further negotiations and the Iranians pledging to allow foreign inspectors into a newly disclosed uranium enrichment factory.” Upcoming Washington Post column: Should America Arm the Inspectors With Suitcase Nukes To Drop Discreetly Across The Country, Or Some Other Cool 24-ish Death Thing? [NYT] Read more on …
  "the international equivalent of acorn"

Mike Huckabee Suggests Literally Shipping The U.N. To Saudi Arabia

Over the weekend, Mike Huckabee spoke at a “How to Take Back America” conference, an event notable for the fact that it apparently exists. Anyway, obviously in taking back America, Huckabee must start by identifying who took it in the first place, when there must have been something good on TV and no one was looking. No surprises there: it was the crafty Foreigns, who must have planned the taking of America in one of their many languages! Ha! Well, let’s see them try to steal America again after America takes Huckabee up on his suggestion to somehow literally saw off the east side of Midtown Manhattan and let the U.N. float away across the Atlantic, to somewhere that wants it, like to Saudi Arabia, who want it so bad they MADE WAR WITH IT, on 9/11! Read more on Mike Huckabee Suggests Literally Shipping The U.N. To Saudi Arabia…
  free willy

Bill Clinton and Lil’ Kim In World’s Worst Sea World Vacation Photo

You know how some business trips end up with everybody naked in the hot tub singing Don’t Stop Believin’, and others end with everybody awkwardly standing around making small talk while furtively glancing at their watches? Bill Clinton’s North Korea summer vacation trip likely falls into the latter category, which is a historical first for Bill Clinton. [The Awl via … North Korea Propaganda Office, maybe?] Read more on Bill Clinton and Lil’ Kim In World’s Worst Sea World Vacation Photo…
  being mature about it

Martin Peretz Acknowledges His Responsibility For Sidney Blumenthal’s Unfortunate Existence

Soothsaying raconteur Martin Peretz has a little story for you. Come children, gather ye rosebuds, for it is time to hear the sorry tale of Sidney Blumenthal, who is, at this very moment, maybe already on Hillary Clinton’s travel diplomacy team! You see, Blumenthal once worked for Peretz at the New Republic magazine, a “The Spine” avant la lettre, if you will. Despite knowing absolutely nothing about foreign policy (or literally anything) and overcoming his debilitating addiction to borrowing $3000 from Peretz and not paying him back, Blumenthal ascended the ranks of Peretz’s Arabic-language fiction quarterly!  Sacre Blume! Read more on Martin Peretz Acknowledges His Responsibility For Sidney Blumenthal’s Unfortunate Existence…
  this week in elbow news

Clinton’s Elbow Sets Off Diplomatic Crisis

Oh noes, Secretary Clinton won’t be going on previously scheduled trips abroad this week, due to having her elbow amputated and replaced with a bionic joint that shoots laser beams and takes orders directly from the president, Dick Cheney. She needs to rest up and not shake hands with anybody, which means that attendees of international conferences in Trieste and Corfu will have to shake hands with two other jokers from the State Department instead. And THAT is how World War III will start tomorrow. [Washington Post] Read more on Clinton’s Elbow Sets Off Diplomatic Crisis…