Tag Archives: diplomacy

  I see England I see France I can see Russia from my house

Scott Walker Will Be Best President Of America, Because He’s Been To Europe Like Twice

Less charisma than a sleeping basset hound, and nowhere near as cute.
Despite the fact that presidential candidate Carly Fiorina (R-LOL) has explained that going places on airplanes — like that know-nothing Hillary Clinton, who used to be Secretary of State — is not the same thing as actual foreign policy experience, her likely rival for the nomination, Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin (R-Zzzzzzz), apparently is not paying attention, because he told Bob Schieffer on Face The Nation that he will be so much better of a president than Hillary Clinton, because the places he went to on airplanes are nice, and the places Hillary Clinton went to on airplanes suckity suck, and are also Benghazi: Read more on Scott Walker Will Be Best President Of America, Because He’s Been To Europe Like Twice…
  pussy

Sen. Tom Cotton Picks Twitter Fight With Iranian Foreign Minister, Gets BURNT!

Your favorite brand-new, wet-behind-the-ears senator from Arkansas, Tom Cotton, is doing his ankle-biting, yappy Pomeranian thing at Iran again. After his love note to the Persian nation — the one what said Barack Obama isn’t REALLY president, therefore their nuke deal was DOA — didn’t work out so well, you’d think one of his trainers would have popped him on his nose enough times that he would have learned his lesson, but some pooches are untrainable. It’s usually because they’ve been abused by a previous owner, don’t judge. Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Picks Twitter Fight With Iranian Foreign Minister, Gets BURNT!…
  Real Flag False Story

‘Patriots’ Take Credit For Perfectly Routine Removal Of Chinese Flag, Save America From Communism!

We're pretty sure there's just not enough red dye for an entire iceberg.
Wonkette EXCLUSIVE must cite Wonkette!!! The Wingnuttosphere is full of excited stories about an absolute OUTRAGE that occurred last week, when the flag of COMMUNIST RED CHINA, our sworn enemy and trading partner, was flown in front of the Washington state capitol building in Olympia to honor a visit by Chinese Ambassador Cui Tiankai. After much huffing and puffing, the offensive banner was hauled down Saturday morning either by brave, Constitution-Loving Patriots, or by a maintenance worker who was removing it because the ambassadorial visit was over. Actually, Yr Wonkette has confirmed with the office of Gov. Jay Inslee that the flag was taken down as a matter of routine — not due to pressure from wingnuts. Read more on ‘Patriots’ Take Credit For Perfectly Routine Removal Of Chinese Flag, Save America From Communism!…
  GOP and Iran sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Republicans Send Love Note To Iran That Obama Isn’t Really President, Wink Wink

Hey remember how I saved the country?
In an interesting maneuver of uber-patriotic diplomacy, Senate Republicans have decided to go rogue and educate Iran on how does the U.S. Constitution work, and how “President” Obama is, like, barely even the president: Read more on Republicans Send Love Note To Iran That Obama Isn’t Really President, Wink Wink…
  get christies's love

If Chris Christie Were King of America He’d Fix This Shutdown Nonsense Fast, By Yelling At It Probably

Chris Christie wants America to know that Barack Obama caused the government shutdown by “not bringing people together,” and if Chris Christie were in charge, he’d run this railroad a heck of a lot better, by golly: “My approach would be, as the executive, is to call in the leaders of the Congress, the legislature, whatever you’re dealing with, and say, ‘We’re not leaving this room until we fix this problem, because I’m the boss, I’m in charge,” Christie said. “When you’re the executive, if you’re waiting for leadership from the legislative branch of government, whether you’re the governor, or whether you’re the president or you’re mayor, you are going to be waiting forever, forever because they’re not built to lead and take risk.” Yeah, why hasn’t Barack Obama dragged the leaders of the House and Senate in and told them to play nice and fix America? Because nothing says leadership like announcing “I’m in control here.” Look how well it worked for that one general guy! Read more on If Chris Christie Were King of America He’d Fix This Shutdown Nonsense Fast, By Yelling At It Probably…
  how is diplomacy formed?

White House Will Happily Pretend Yesterday’s Syria Breakthrough Was Their Plan All Along

We watched Storage Wars last night instead of the President’s address on Syria, but we read the transcript and we give it a B. Hit the right marks, soaring rhetoric kinda phoned-in. So now let’s commence the giving of mad Syria props because the new narrative is that they solved it with a year of brilliant diplomacy and derring-do. Cool narrative, right? If it’s your bag, here is what you’ll have to believe in order to construct a reality in which Obama and his team did a great job on Syria, and that’s why Assad says he’ll give up his chemical weapons: Read more on White House Will Happily Pretend Yesterday’s Syria Breakthrough Was Their Plan All Along…
  Greetings From This Fucking Airport This Sucks

Your Handy Wonkette Guide To How You Should Feel About Edward Snowden

It has been nearly a month since Edward Snowden woke us from our pleasant dream that the Fourth Amendment was still a thing, yet amazingly, the NSA’s legal-sure-why-not data suck-and-swallow is still a major story. Yr Wonkette loves the taste of crow, so we are fine admitting we were slightly off-base about Snowden being an annoying fame-whore; we are apparently not as smart as Edward Snowden and didn’t understand at first that the chances of NSA sticking as a major national story are increased if Snowden himself is compelling and polarizing. Heck, maybe that’s why he’s continually releasing stuff that doesn’t have anything to do with domestic surveillance, such as that we spy on China, and oh, everyone else, too, even our allies (especially them, the bastards!), as Der Spiegel reported on Sunday. Maybe Snowden is just trying to keep “winning the morning.” Read more on Your Handy Wonkette Guide To How You Should Feel About Edward Snowden…
  special relationship

Mitt Romney Lies About His BFF Bibi

When we were in high school we had a friend who claimed his family was really tight with Morgan Freeman’s, and he’d tell us all kinds of hilarious stories about the good times he’d had, just hanging out with Morgan Freeman and having all kinds of deep talks wherein Morgan would generously give him sage advice on how to handle the various challenges in his life. Except THEN it turned out that he had been lying the whole time and he was super embarrassed.  See, this is why our friend from high school is a better person than Mitt Romney, who tells similarly ridiculous lies all the time and then doesn’t even pretend to be embarrassed. Like how he’s been running around saying that he was really good friends with Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyatu. But then Vanity Fair ASKED Binyamin Netanyahu about his good friend Mittens, and Bibi was all like “who? Oh THAT guy.” Read more on Mitt Romney Lies About His BFF Bibi…
  rumors on the internets

Women Don’t Need 3,054 Languages To Call Men Hypocrites

Can women have it all? Not yet! At least, not until I get an Iron Man suit — sorry, Iron Woman. [The Atlantic] Are liberals hypocrites about national security?! How dare you, Salon! That’s so mean! Anyway, probably. I mean, liberal Hollywood’s movie Iron Man is about an arms dealer who forgoes making weapons — to turn himself into the ultimate weapon. [Salon] Read more on Women Don’t Need 3,054 Languages To Call Men Hypocrites… Read more on Women Don’t Need 3,054 Languages To Call Men Hypocrites…
  decisive moves

U.S., Other Sharia-Based Countries Destroying Israel With UN

The Obama administration is trying very hard at the moment to not have to call the Israeli settlements in Palestine illegal. Oh, diplomacy, you’re so silly. In order to do so, the U.S. has tried to make a deal with Arab countries to vote for a statement saying it “does not accept the legitimacy of continued Israeli settlement activity.” What is the difference between calling something illegal and saying you don’t accept its legitimacy? A lot, apparently. Enough to get all upset about. So much so that if this “settlements are illegal” resolution gets to the Security Council, the Obama administration may make its first veto. Does Obama really want the Palestine issue to be resolved, or does he want things to just stop happening in Palestine and for everybody to shut up their countries? It’s confusing. Let’s just say he’s a secret Arab Muslim because he doesn’t scream out “OH, ISRAEL, YES” when he’s having sex with Michelle, okay? Read more on U.S., Other Sharia-Based Countries Destroying Israel With UN…
  small-time krauthammer plagiarizers

Professional President Newt Gingrich Says Obama ‘Amateurish’ On Egypt

“I think the fact that they appointed a very able diplomat Frank Wisner and within two days were publicly contradicting him is you know so amateurish,” Gingrich told CNN Chief National Correspondent John King. “I was with John Bolton (former ambassador to the United Nations) last night. He said it’s inconceivable that they would be this clumsy and this out of sync. I mean just with themselves, forget the Arab world. They can’t even get the White House and their special envoy to be on the same page.” Read more on Professional President Newt Gingrich Says Obama ‘Amateurish’ On Egypt…
  pandaleaks

It’s All Going To Be OK: The Zoo Pandas Signed a Five-Year Extension

Why do we suddenly see members of Congress referring inanely to nerdface Hu Jintao, the weakest leader in the history of the People’s Republic of China, as a “dictator” and a murdering “gangster”? Our pandas have been SECURED. That’s right, Washington, your pandas have signed a five-year extension, so you can rest assured that your mediocre zoo will continue to be somewhat used for something other than as a jogging track. “The pandas may be a cultural attraction we had to borrow from China, but everything in Washington is borrowed from China, and we need something to put on our Metro cards.” But despite the free speech grandstanding, if China suddenly becomes a democracy we probably will lose the pandas, haha. Read more on It’s All Going To Be OK: The Zoo Pandas Signed a Five-Year Extension…
  i feel free

North Korea Wants Eric Clapton

According to diplomacy nip-slip site WikiLeaks, North Korea loves Eric Clapton and wants him to perform in their country as a Clapton-American favor of “good will,” which is what North Koreans call temporarily halting their development of nuclear weapons and targeting of South Koreans to shoot in exchange for free stuff from the West. Or that is what North Korean leaders call it, because the rest of their countrymen have eaten their own larynges as a source of food and thus cannot speak. It is also rumored that Kim Jong-Il’s sons went to Clapton concerts when they were attending school in Switzerland, because all kids, even Kims, like hot tween pop-stars like Eric Clapton. Read more on North Korea Wants Eric Clapton…
  and don't forget to nuke iran

John Bolton Has An Opinon About Wikileaks: Barack Obama Sucks

Have you been waiting and waiting for former UN ambassador/UN hater John Bolton to chime in with some wingnut bullshit regarding WikiLeaks? Well, the God of America heard your prayers! (American God did not, however, hear all your other prayers. So, maybe a job next year?) Anyway, John Bolton is pretty much an “O.G.” when it comes to the cyber sex or whatever so he has some solid grounding when it comes to forming an opinion about all the WikiLeaks leaking all over the place all the time, and it is pretty much that Barack Obama is far worse for America than WikiLeaks. Read more on John Bolton Has An Opinon About Wikileaks: Barack Obama Sucks…