Tag Archives: dinosaurs

  No not his Catholic church his other church

Surprise! Marco Rubio’s Church Is Full Of Demon-Wrasslers, Gay-Haters And Creationist Derp

Marco Rubio may very well believe this is happening right now, in the sky.
Marco Rubio has two churches in Miami. One, as you might imagine, is the Catholic kind, because the Cuban-American Rubio is Catholic. The other one is a ginormous Baptist affair, featuring demon-wrasslin’, homo-hatin,’ and a sincerely held religious belief that Jesus rode a dinosaur. But how can a person be both Catholic and Baptist at the same time? Let’s Wonksplore! Read more on Surprise! Marco Rubio’s Church Is Full Of Demon-Wrasslers, Gay-Haters And Creationist Derp…
  Here have some news n stuff

Take This Quiz To Find Out If You’re A Real Conservative Or A Stupid Liberal Who Hates America

How good do you heart America?
Ever wondered if you are a Smart Conservative or a total America-hating idiot? Probably not, but just in case you’re confused, the folks at the National Center for Public Policy Research — who, apparently, are not in any way kidding — have devised a super simple quiz for you to find out: Read more on Take This Quiz To Find Out If You’re A Real Conservative Or A Stupid Liberal Who Hates America…
  When Dunning Met Kruger

Homeschool Mom Disproves Evolution Because Science Museum Is Stupid

We know what we're talking about, right?
Meet Megan Fox, who is not the dopey actress from the Transformers movies, but is instead a dopey homeschooling mom who doesn’t believe that  organisms transform over time. She has her very own YouTube channel where she reviews children’s books and pursues a single-minded crusade against corruption on the public library board of Orland Park, Illinois. Read more on Homeschool Mom Disproves Evolution Because Science Museum Is Stupid…
  Here have some news n stuff

Hey, The Jews, Just Ask Yourselves ‘What Would Sandy Koufax Do?’

jews and baseball
Image via the documentary “Jews and Baseball: An American Love Story” It is a day that ends in “y” (shut up, weekends don’t count), so of course we have some news you can maybe use: a major league dilemma for Jewish baseball fans this year, watching football is still popular (sigh), everyone in the universe bought a new iTelecommunicationsGadget because (snort) SEXY, some other stuff that might be relevant to your interests, and of course SCIENCE! Read more on Hey, The Jews, Just Ask Yourselves ‘What Would Sandy Koufax Do?’…
  all-time champions

Kentucky, Land Of Bipartisan Derp, Scales New Heights Of Stupid About Climate Change

Let no one say that Kentucky’s lawmakers will not engage in the most heroic levels of dumb when it comes to climate change denialism. If there were an Olympics in derp, the Kentucky Lege would win gold in every possible event. They would be the Michael Phelps of dumb. Witness the recent meeting of their Natural Resources and Environment Committee, which featured criminal levels of dumb about dinosaurs, coal, and the temperature on Mars. Read more on Kentucky, Land Of Bipartisan Derp, Scales New Heights Of Stupid About Climate Change…
  also how is babby formed?

Florida Congressman Thinks Dinosaurs … Climate Change … We Honestly Don’t Even Know

There is both good news and bad news for America with regard to Congress being in the grip of shitwitted climate change-denying wingnuts. The bad news is that we’ll be buying oceanfront property in Cincinnati before these nitwits admit maybe they could pass some laws to mitigate the problem. The good news is that yr Wonkette will never run out of material. Case in point: Rep. Jeff Miller (R-FL, of course) went on the teevee so he could pose this fascinating theoretical to MSNBC host Richard Lui. Miller: It changes. It gets hot, it gets cold. It’s done it for as long as we have measured the climate. Liu: But man-made, isn’t that the question? Miller: Then why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Were there men that were causing — were there cars running around at that point, that were causing global warming? No. The climate has changed since earth was created. That is quite the stumper, dumbass…er, Congressman! Almost as great as this classic exchange between former Energy Secretary Steven Chu and stump-brained bohunk Rep. Joe Barton a few years back. Read more on Florida Congressman Thinks Dinosaurs … Climate Change … We Honestly Don’t Even Know…
  Land of the Lost

Undercover Bathhouse Spy & Michele Bachmann Mentor Wins MN GOP Primary

Hey, remember Allen Quist, the homophobic Gollum lookalike who Mother Jones profiled a few months back? You know, Michele Bachman’s political mentor, the chap who “went undercover at an adult bookstore and a gay bathhouse in an effort to prove to a local newspaper reporter that they had become a ‘haven for anal intercourse'”? YES, THAT GUY!!! He is now the Republican nominee for Congress in Minnesota District 1! Quist defeated his opponent in the GOP primary with 54% of the vote, and will go on to face incumbent Rep. Tim Walz in the fall. Mr. Quist is the sort of candidate that reporters might call “colorful,” largely because most media outlets shy away from the more accurate phrase “bugfuck crazy.” As we noted when we last covered his adventures, in addition to his obsession with teh gheys (“At one point…a Senate leader suggested he had an unhealthy preoccupation with sex, having devoted 30 hours to it in a single session”), he is also quite certain that humans and dinosaurs lived together quite recently, since there’s a Cambodian temple that features a carving that he is quite certain can ONLY be a stegosaurus, depicted by people who had seen one, or at least heard about one. (The carving’s head and neck are all wrong; it’s probably an Indian Rhino. More to the point, the carving lacks a thagomizer.) He also believes that the Book of Job should be incorporated into schools’ science curricula, because it proves that dragons were real. Read more on Undercover Bathhouse Spy & Michele Bachmann Mentor Wins MN GOP Primary…
  let's have a war

‘BudgetTravel.com’ Joins War On Christians

Quick, everybody! To the Youtube version of the Book of Leviticus! There, you can listen about what kind of extra-virgin olive oil to anoint yourself with while you scatter the ashes of BudgetTravel.com’s charred corpse! But why are you sacrificing Budget Travel to your cruel and vengeful Yahweh? Oh, only because it hates all Christians, and Jesus, and YOU. It held an online poll asking what beloved American landmarks every kid should see by the time s/he is 15, and the Creation Museum in Kentucky (where else?) totally came in first, but then Budget Travel did not include it in its blog post or whatever, because it doesn’t think the Creation Museum has “universal appeal.” AS IF. Like it is not a fact universally appealing that the world is 6,000 years old, and Noah rode a dinosaur to his job at the Slate Rock and Gravel Company! Read more on ‘BudgetTravel.com’ Joins War On Christians…
  youtube generation

Dana Milbank Moves To Op-Ed Page, Threatens ‘Humor Blogging’

We shouldn’t expect anything weird to be tacked onto this nice little Howard Kurtz profile about how Time is somehow currently profitable despite utter irrelevance, correct? OH GOD: “The Washington Post has a new op-ed columnist.” Yes, if Krauthammer can be entrusted with lots of money to turn in a logic-hating column every week, why can’t the other special-needs people at the Post, such as Dana Milbank? But what could be even worse? “[Milbank] says he will still write some sketches online and contribute to a Post humor blog.” A POST HUMOR BLOG? Oh sweet Obamar liberation-theology Jesus, thank you for the easy Wonkette material. Read more on Dana Milbank Moves To Op-Ed Page, Threatens ‘Humor Blogging’…
  cartoon violence

Happy Fun Cuddly Cartoon Violence

By the Comics CurmudgeonNormally this feature only brings you terrifying visions of nightmare horror, like rivers of blood and naked Dick Cheney and such. Editorial cartoons are full of these things, because editorial cartoonists think that they’re “edgy,” and much darker and realer than the people who draw, like, Blondie, man. But with so much genuine pain and suffering in the world, we thought maybe we’d take a different tack this week, showing you the lighter side of editorial cartooning, full of love and happiness and adorable critters! Get ready for hugging, after the jump. Read more on Happy Fun Cuddly Cartoon Violence…
  this is our zapruder film

These Dinosaur Furries Are Texas State Representatives

In this blurry, repulsive frame from actual Texas state government video shot today, a couple of sex-creep furries are standing/sitting around some Texas state representatives. BUT WAIT IT IS WORSE THAN THAT. While it has become all too common to see filthy furries in their filthy semen-encrusted fur-suits at any number of political events or legislative hearings touching upon themes of animals past or present, this is the first time the legislators themselves were the furries — yes, the dino-furries pictures here are, in fact, Rep. Mike Hamilton(R-Mauriceville) and Rep. Mark Homer (D-Paris). Read more on These Dinosaur Furries Are Texas State Representatives…
  bikini weather

Communist EPA Says Global Warming ‘Bad’

You knew this was coming: Barack Obama’s “Environmental Protection Agency” announced today — wait for it! — that the theoretical leftist fantasy of Global Warming/Climate Change is somehow “not cool” and therefore your tax cuts will now be used, through FEMA NWO death squads, to “create millions of green jobs and end our country’s dependence on foreign oil,” in the words of EPA administrator Lisa P. Jackson, who probably doesn’t even believe Jesus had a pet dinosaur. Read more on Communist EPA Says Global Warming ‘Bad’…
 

U.S. Military Prepares Air Strike On America

Remember that “size of a bus” spy satellite that is now plummeting out of control and will pretty soon smash into Earth, possibly killing off the dinosaurs? The Pentagon now says that the monstrous hunk of space garbage is probably going to hit America — possibly Mexico or Canada, but the government’s karmic probability models say the USA “deserves” it. [The Register/K.C. Star] Read more on U.S. Military Prepares Air Strike On America…
 

Will Texas Let Creationists Teach Science? Probs

The Texas Higher Education Coordinating Board is deciding next month whether to allow a bunch of Jesusers at the Institution for Creation Research offer science teaching degrees. One might assume that their particular brand of “science” includes lots of amino acids and dinosaurs named Adam, Eve, Eve, Adam and maybe also Eve. Read more on Will Texas Let Creationists Teach Science? Probs…
 

Will It Be Dinosaur? Will It Be Pirate Ship?

* “Dirty, cum-guzzling whore bag.” There’s nothing like a friend. [Mayhem by Miss M] * OMG!!1! [Ballpark and Beyond] * The Phantom of the Opera appears when you least expect him. [Conversations With Mud] * “Hi, i’m andrew speaker, self-absorbed asshole lawyer guy, nice to meet you! [cough cough.] here, take my card in case you get drug resistant tb; we can sue the airline for letting me on this flight!” [Life Off Balance] * Dinosaur or Pirate Ship? [Manifest Destiny] Read more on Will It Be Dinosaur? Will It Be Pirate Ship?…
 

Jurassic Prick’s Child-Rape Fantasies Revealed

Kids love Michael Crichton’s popular dinosaur stories, but they probably don’t know he’s a demented right-wing crank who stuffs his wooden-plotted thrillers with puerile attacks on his many, many enemies — mostly journalists who call him on his endless sociopathic bullshit. The latest victim of Crichton’s typing-with-boxing-gloves characterization skill is New Republic writer Michael Crowley, who magically becomes a child rapist in the wonderful imagination of Michael Crichton. Details after the jump. Read more on Jurassic Prick’s Child-Rape Fantasies Revealed…