But he just wanted to get laid! By a hooker! For $4,300 billion! And now he’s resigning, effective next Monday for some strange reason. What is this, Gay France? [NYP]

On February 29, the race for the Democratic nomination got an awful lot easier: Thomas Boyle, uncle of Lara Flynn Boyle, finally announced his run for president. It is not clear whether this man is a real human, or if this is a joke that sneaked its way onto the wire services. But here’s your first taste of the next frontrunner: “Mr. Boyle, the former U.S. House of Representatives Page, Real Estate broker, and music composer is quoted, ‘On this special day, Leap Year Day, and the birthday of that other great American, Superman, I am throwing my hat in the race for the White House.’” There is so, so much more about this former page. MORE »

The Texas Caucus will never be decided, and not because of some Diebold terrorist glitch, either. No, it is because old people don’t know the meaning of “transgendered,” and when caucus officials tried to explain it to them last night due to ballot confusion, the old people cursed them out and refused to give any gender at all. As our secret Texas caucus official operative “Bob” notes, “Democratic officials must now determine whether caucusers who refused to properly disclose this information must be disqualified.” MORE »

Ha ha, when George W. Bush endorsed John McCain, some guy in the crowd kept shouting at them to hold a conference every week, forever. Bush called him “unruly.” John McCain realized that he should never be in the presence of George W. Bush again.

Hey Eugene Robinson, Joe Scarborough says, why don’t you go “Tom Brokaw” yourself, you gay little wicket goblin. Zing! Talk about getting DEFENESTRATED BY PROFESSIONALS.

Everyone’s favorite Barry Obama tried to connect with “the average American” serf today by attending the whitest event ever: the “Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo 2008.” Hurrah! He sat on various farm tractors, and then looked at other farm tractors, and then asked people what the hell tractors do. Let’s take a tour of the various Getty wire photos covering this event and see what Barry learned about the country folk! MORE »

Everybody knows the three rules of real estate: Location, Refinance, Foreclosure. But our best vice president ever, Dick Cheney, is focused on the first part of that maxim by building his “retirement” house literally across the street from CIA headquarters in McLean, Virginia. MORE »

It’s 2008, and that teenager drug marijuana is still raping our children. But why does that have to be illegal? According to The National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML), some person wrote to Iowa Sen. Tom Harkin “asking him to justify why medicinal cannabis is still illegal” after the American College of Physicians recommended it shouldn’t be. It merited a hilarious reply from Harkin, which noted many of pot’s notorious doom scenarios: “the small child whose parents are so addicted to illegal drugs that they sell everything including perhaps their own children to obtain a fix.” Harkin knows the routine: smoke up, eat gyro, play Legend of Zelda, sell children to pirates for more pot, repeat. The full, horrifying letter, after the jump. MORE »

William F. Buckley Jr., the founder of conservative politics, died yesterday, leaving a decrepit magazine and its very-Y2K blog as heirs. If you thought the endless eulogies on the National Review’s Corner blog might veer towards hyperbole as the news cycles went on, you were underestimating. How is Jonah Goldberg taking the news? Kathryn-Jean Lopez? The other 40 writers on the Corner? They’re honoring their founder’s legacy by promoting their books, relating the death to various natural disasters, and cursing the liberals ahead of time for disrespecting Buckley. Buckley, unfortunately, is not the problem. MORE »

Former presidential frontrunner Mike Huckabee continues to run for president, despite his complete lack of funds, chances of winning, or rapidly waning popularity among the American people. Also, the fact that John McCain has won the nomination, “mathematically.” But Huck believes in the miracles of superstitious cult icon Jesus, and he is still campaigning on that amiable combo of good humor and punching supporters in the chin (above). Join us on an AP photo tour after the jump and see how Huckabee has been spending the rest of his week! MORE »

You’d never know it by reading National Review today, but that conservative magazine used to be an important, interesting and intellectual journal. That’s because William F. Buckley Jr., who died early this morning at the ripe old age of 82, was a hell of a writer (but a crappy novelist). He also had famous eyebrows, as the New York Times notes in its obituary. MORE »