Wonkette

Here is some video from last night’s Hillary Clinton rally at the University of Pennsylvania, including Stephanie Tubbs Jones getting fired up and having a verbal hernia. There’s a cappella and some cameraman giving Liz the middle finger. Then the Mayor of Philadelphia, Michael Nutter, says “MUST BE SOME VOTIN GETTIN READY TO HAPPEN UP IN HERE.” Then Chelsea comes on and says “my mom and my dad blah blah blah, I am the human in this family.” Then Bill Clinton lies, he lies a lot. You’ve never heard someone lie more in your life than you have Bill Clinton at a rally for his wife. But he sounds so nice, still. Then they play a song from the Ford commercials, the end.

This is one of those troubling images that’s been appearing here and there on the Internets for many years … the same many years, in fact, when John McCain was not running for president, in the early 1990s. Our forensic-photography expert Jim Newell obscured Dennis Hastert’s the anonymous partner’s face in this version, so we can concentrate on the Pressing Issue: Is John McCain now or has he ever been a Furry? MORE »

Mitt Romney joined his “successful” nemesis John McCain on the campaign trail yesterday, and they raised some cash from Mormon Fat Cats and other mountain men in Denver and Salt Lake City. They even rode together on John McCain’s stupid little plane. But Mitt wants to be McCain’s vice president, and McCain wants to woo the “Romney Wing” of the Republican party — Space Elves — so they had to play it nice for the cameramen. Look at how gay they were with each other yesterday, ha ha! The full gay photo tour, after the jump. MORE »

Here’s the best video ever, again, that contrasts Hillary’s account of being shot at by snipers in Bosnia with what really happened — she greeted children while Sinbad and Sheryl Crow boogied in the background. Clinton communications director Howard Wolfson responded to the objective lie today with the closest Clinton admission to guilt in History: “It is possible” that she “misspoke.” If you think like Ken Starr, that is! MORE »

Iraq War protester-hippies poured red paint on the sidewalk outside of an Army recruitment office today. When a recruiter — who, along with his colleagues, was counter-protesting — noticed the spill, he asked some hippies what impact pouring red paint on the sidewalk has on the war. One hippie responded along the lines of, “It’s the blood of foreign countries that you’ve spilled.” The recruiter responded with something about bringing peace to the Middle East. This really happened. They each went their own ways after a minute or so — the hippie back to his hippie mob which was chanting “fuck the war!”; the recruiter back to his Army friends who were responding with “win the war!” (although it might have been “bring the war!” which is, well, terrible). Between these two groups was a puddle of red paint on the sidewalk, claiming naive pedestrians one-by-one.

Worst protest in the history of protests. Our last pictures are below, so you can see for yourself. MORE »

The key to any hippie protest is having a wide range of signs, usually homemade, each of which features some wry slogan of the individual protester’s making. This strategy creates a safeguard against the corrosive effects of Mob Rule upon the brain. To illustrate further: a protester is at home reading conspiracy theories on the Internet, and this protester’s mind is churning out revolutionary new postulates by the second. The protester can write the best of them all — “The Bush is burning,” say — on his or her sign. Each protester does this, the Mob Mentality sets in, and voila, it’s a protest: a sea of ugly signs with pathetic phrases and a loud roar of “BWAH BWAH BWAH BWAH” erupting from hundreds of overfed mouths. A Wonkette Photo Tour of today’s best signs, after the jump. MORE »

This is another party of protesting hippie marauders, who met up around noon to march down K Street — home of evil lobbyists like John McCain — and yell at all the corporates in their plush silk-lined oil money offices. For a good half an hour, the group was steadily making its way through D.C. yelling “Down with K Street,” or some such. For this same half an hour, they were on L Street. Oops! Check out this latest Wonkette Film, where the hobbits finally reach K Street, the road they hate. [YouTube]

Hurrah, Wonkette made a movie! We went to D.C.’s McPherson Square, which has been overrun by lefty protest group Code Pink. They have tents and will probably live there forever, because of the Subprimes. Combine the lameness of Washington D.C. with a vague, day-long protest and there’s only one possible result: a big lady, an old beardy man and a polar bear dancing to a Rage Against The Machine cover band. The Iraq War will have no choice but to stop immediately. More photos and videos from “on the ground” coming shortly! [YouTube]

The people on the teevee are saying this speech will define Barack Obama’s candidacy, because it is about race. Yes, his entire campaign is 100% about race. Or something? We’ll leave that to the Professional Experts like Joe Scarborough. Still, good job once again, Barry — this little number had some bite. And since he’ll lose Pennsylvania anyway, not a bad time to get this off his chest.

According to the British tabloid News of the World, the Duke of Westminster also patronizes the Emperor’s Club VIP. He is Britain’s third richest man and “heads his country’s Territorial Army,” who fight the terrorists. Since these incredible things were not quite enough for his paid sex worker to have sex with him, here’s what he told her to seal the deal: “Osama bin Laden was alive and hiding in Pakistan.” MORE »