Tag: diets

New York Times Very Concerned Jeb Bush Isn’t A Gross Enough Fatty To Be President

The New York Times is such a lovable whackjob sometimes. They apparently are having all kinds of fun doing profiles of the GOP presidential candidates! Wednesday, we learned that smug prick Ted Cruz was also a smug prick when he...

Michelle Obama Puts Kitchen Staff On Crash Diet

By now, we are all aware of Michelle Obama's "Let's Move!" initiative, the thing where government officials sneak into your children's bedrooms in the middle of the night and steal the donuts from under their pillows, leaving behind a...

Cantor Barely Surviving On Diet Of Tuna Sandwiches And Bile

Most politicians who arrive in Washington resembling relatively fit and attractive humans quickly become repulsive monsters, because the restaurants serve nothing but cheesy bread products and the Congressional gym is booby trapped with vicious nine-fingered Jews who will...