By now, we are all aware of Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move!” initiative, the thing where government officials sneak into your children’s bedrooms in the middle of the night and steal the donuts from under their pillows, leaving behind a combination of debt and misery. But what we didn’t know about was our FLOTUS’ top secret […]

Most politicians who arrive in Washington resembling relatively fit and attractive humans quickly become repulsive monsters, because the restaurants serve nothing but cheesy bread products and the Congressional gym is booby trapped with vicious nine-fingered Jews who will assault you, naked. So House Minority Whip Eric Cantor has really beaten the odds by remaining thin, […]