Ho ho, Ted Cruz, you impetuous scamp! Since today is a day of the week, you must have pissed off someone with some sassy backtalk. Who had the “Dianne Feinstein” square for today’s game of “Ted Cruz Mansplains Until _____ Wants to Punch Him in His Cock” bingo? “Let me just make a couple of […]

It was a Meltdown in Metropolis, a Rumble in the Concrete Jungle on Monday night when Charlie Rose hosted Paul Krugman and Joe Scarborough for a battle royale for the crown of World’s Greatest Economics Expert Guy! Who would win? Would it be the avuncular and learned Dr. Krugman, an Ivy League professor who holds […]

Sitting in the middle of the Detroit River is Belle Isle, one of the nation’s finest urban public parks. It was designed by Frederick Law Olmsted of Central Park fame. Unfortunately, Belle Isle isn’t in the best condition right now because Detroit is super poor. There exists a perfectly reasonable plan to make Belle Isle […]

Kentucky Senator Rand Paul has some ideas. And they are that if Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is going to be such a total Hitler as to suggest that a senator who wants to filibuster something has to actually filibuster that thing, then Rand Paul would like some Senate “rule changes” of his own! First […]

Crossover Day! Crossover Day! A day when every possible batshit mean curbjob-the-welfare-Cadillac-Queens bill simply MUST get passed in order to avoid NOobAma’s death panels. What delights does Newtonia have in store for us, as it gets all slick and sweaty trying to catch up to your Floridas and Mississippis and good ol’ AZ’s? Let’s round […]

We were skimming the FoxNews.com website looking for some of those “free Medicare scooter” ads, but got distracted by the important news of terrible writer/awful person Ayn Rand’s 107th birthday. She doesn’t look a day over 106 … objectively. Objectively-ist. Anyway, we hope she’s enjoying being tortured for Eternity in Hell, for not believing in […]

They’re really spicing things up over there! We will never understand why people continue to use the word “tap” like this. Also, Norm Dicks is currently 69. EASY JOKES: THEY’RE ALL AROUND US! [Roll Call via Wonkette operative "Andrew B."]

Neoconservative pot-pundit Andrew Sullivan decorated one of his recent posts, titled “Support For Marriage Equality Accelerating?”, with this graph showing that Americans’ support for same-sex marriage has increased since 1988 to more than 50%, while opposition to it has impotenced. But Paul Hipple, editor of the popular Dominionists for Tancredo/Palin 2012 blog, sees something more […]

U.S. District Judge Susan Bolton high-fived a bunch of illegal immigrants the other day and ruled against the parts of Arizona’s immigration law that would have made them melt. BUT NOW REAL AMERICA IS ANGRY. You see, “some of the messages sent to Bolton are positive, but others are ‘from people venting and who have […]

NUKE THEM BOTH  3:04 pm February 5, 2010

by Jim Newell

MUSLINS TRY TO TEABAG OTHER MUSLINS: “A high level Pakistani diplomat has been rejected as Ambassador of Saudi Arabia because his name, Akbar Zib, equates to ‘Biggest Dick’ in Arabic. Saudi officials, apparently overwhelmed by the idea of the name, put their foot down and gave the idea of his being posted there, the kibosh.” […]

An important new Associated Press topical article notes that exactly five other governors in American history have done something weird, while in office. So nature-boy mountain lamer Mark Sanford is not alone! Come out of the closet, Mark, and come back to America.

Kentucky! One of the comical idiot Republican senators of the “Bluegrass State” is a stupid old prick who once played baseball in, who knows, the pre-Civil War era? For Kentucky’s special people, this is considered an “Ivy League” education in politics. But America’s worst, dumbest senator, Jim Bunning, barely kept his seat in 2004 — […]

If you have ever tuned to CSPAN late at night, hoping for something truly dull to put you to sleep, you have probably wondered why you never see Supreme Court arguments. The reason is that Justice Scalia doesn’t like cameras, or informing the public! A college junior recently asked him at a luncheon put on […]

Oh God now it begins: our quadrennial debate about voter fraud versus vote suppression. The head of the Republican Party in Macomb County, Michigan has decided that a wonderful way to protect against “voter fraud” will be to get lists of foreclosed homes and check those against voter rolls to make sure that people whose […]