Tag: dicks

Pastor’s ‘Christ-Like’ Handjobs GUARANTEED To Make Your Dick Bigger, For A While

How many dick jokes can we fit in one post? HOW MUCH TIME YOU GOT?

Fox ‘Doctor’ Keith Ablow: Trump Talking About His Dick On TV Proves He’s Super Sane

Keith Ablow's penetrating analysis of Donald Trump's heroic cocktalk will have you questioning everything you learned in Psych 101.
Lower yourself down gently, gently!

Wingnut Tennessee Rep Lady Named ‘Butt’ Has Dick All Over New Campaign Logo

Tennessee state Rep. Sheila Butt is an asshole, and her new campaign logo looks like a vertically erect cock in the process of opening fire, and she is promoting it with the hashtag #StandWithSheila. IN YOUR PANTS! Butt is one of...
They make noise???

If Your Erection Lasts Longer Than 6 Days, Better Hope You’re Not In A New York Jail

So here is a frivolous lawsuit, one that shows just how litigious our society has become and why we need TORT REFORM!!! Rodney Cotton was in jail at the Manhattan Detention Complex in New York, and due to an antidepressant...
You see this guy asking me questions? How dare he?

Maybe Rand Paul Didn’t F*ck Up Guardian Interview, Is Still A Dick Anyway

The Twitter, it is outraged at Serious Presidential Candidate Rand Paul, who is a dick, for doing another dick thing. According to the internet, which is always correct, Rand Paul had a full-on meltdown temper tantrum at Guardian reporter...

Idiot Nevada Rep Lady Will Wash That Cancer Right Outta Your Hair

We have absolutely no patience for dumb people who have special braindead ideas about how to cure cancer or AIDS or stubbed toes or anything else, so let us throw to the wolves (YOU, rabid Wonkette commenters!) Nevada Assemblywoman...

Pentagon Used Your Money To Give Dudes $84 Million In Boners Last Year

People of the wingnut variety are always yammering on about "outta control government spending!" and "I am being tyrannied into buying SLUT PILLS for all the ladies!" and dumb liberals always say, you know, if they were coming after...
Could you be more of a dick?

Rand Paul Does Not Care For Impertinent Reporter’s Questions, Is Kind Of A Dick About It

The human-shaped null set that is Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky took his talent for being a whiny dick to CNBC on Monday afternoon for an interview that made him look like a cross between Michele Bachmann and an...

Church’s Worst Cardinal Weeps Fat Tears For Men Murdered By Feminism

There's this Catholic Cardinal -- Raymond Cardinal Burke -- and he is the worst! New Pope demoted him already, because Burke is a super-dick, but New Pope forgot to tell him to STFU and go die in a fire....
greedy minimum wage worker sticking it to the man

Brave Minnesota Job Creator Takes Brave Stand Against Waitresses

Oh good, a brave Job Creator is finally taking a stand against waitresses and also the people who patronize his restaurant by adding a "minimum wage fee" to the bill. Finally someone is dong SOMETHING about greedy servers who...

Dianne Feinstein Goes To Ted Cruz’s Work, Slaps Tea Party Dick From His Mouth Hole

Ho ho, Ted Cruz, you impetuous scamp! Since today is a day of the week, you must have pissed off someone with some sassy backtalk. Who had the “Dianne Feinstein” square for today’s game of “Ted Cruz Mansplains Until...

Retroactively Liveblooging The Paul Krugman-Joe Scarborough Steel Cage Death Match Of Death

It was a Meltdown in Metropolis, a Rumble in the Concrete Jungle on Monday night when Charlie Rose hosted Paul Krugman and Joe Scarborough for a battle royale for the crown of World’s Greatest Economics Expert Guy! Who would...

Go Galt In Detroit’s Centrally Planned Puerto Rico For Rich Jerks

Sitting in the middle of the Detroit River is Belle Isle, one of the nation's finest urban public parks. It was designed by Frederick Law Olmsted of Central Park fame. Unfortunately, Belle Isle isn't in the best condition right...

Today Perhaps Not Greatest Day For Rand Paul’s Hilarious Gun-Waiting-Period ‘Joke’

Kentucky Senator Rand Paul has some ideas. And they are that if Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is going to be such a total Hitler as to suggest that a senator who wants to filibuster something has to actually...

Georgia Lege Goes For Gold In Wingnut Olympics

Crossover Day! Crossover Day! A day when every possible batshit mean curbjob-the-welfare-Cadillac-Queens bill simply MUST get passed in order to avoid NOobAma's death panels. What delights does Newtonia have in store for us, as it gets all slick and...

Happy 107th Birthday, Zombie Ayn Rand!

We were skimming the FoxNews.com website looking for some of those "free Medicare scooter" ads, but got distracted by the important news of terrible writer/awful person Ayn Rand's 107th birthday. She doesn't look a day over 106 ... objectively....