Tag Archives: dick morris

  Here have some news n stuff

One Guy In New York Has Ebola So You Can Totally Panic Now

Thanks Obama
That screaming hysteria you hear is the sound of everyone in New York being EXTREMELY TERRIFIED!!! or at least making jokes about being EXTREMELY TERRIFIED!!! because Ebola is real now. (You know the rule: It’s real when it happens in New York. The rest is prologue.) Read more on One Guy In New York Has Ebola So You Can Totally Panic Now…
  give me some money

Newsmax Decides Giving Thousands Of Dollars To Wonkette Not A Great Use Of Dick Morris’s Money

Some time ago — who can know when, really, without “opening our spreadsheet” and “looking at it” — rightwing nutjob direct mail trillionaires Newsmax started sending your Wonkette many many tens of dollars per month to put their newsfeed over there, in our sidebar. Read more on Newsmax Decides Giving Thousands Of Dollars To Wonkette Not A Great Use Of Dick Morris’s Money…
  Let's stop all the fight

Barry Xmas, War Is Over! A Wonkette Think Peace

We know it’s been a few days since Barack Obama’s boldly redefined / slightly modified / utterly capitulated in the War On Terror, but since Yr. Editrix said that a good “think piece analysis” is allowed to be late, here is a Sunday morningish Wonket thinky piece on Barry’s big drones -n- Gitmo speech at the National Defense University the other day. So is this a nice-time story, an Obama is morally weak story, or a BORE-ing, could we bring back the shouting lady please story? It most certainly is! We just aren’t sure when we should schedule the parade for the end of the War on Terror and Other Abstractions. Read more on Barry Xmas, War Is Over! A Wonkette Think Peace…
  how is babby formed?

When Dick Morris And Newsmax Love Each Other Very Much …

It has been a month since the Presidential election exposed the rotting flesh of Dick Morris’ underbelly, and he won’t stand by idly while people call him a fool! Morris has just released a super in-depth analysis of why Mitt Romney lost on his ultra snappy website, and it’s not that same old “he got less votes than the other guy” line you’ve heard from pundits who aren’t as good at swimming in their own bullshit. It also isn’t because minorities have increased their share of the vote – no, rest easy good citizens; Dick assures us whites are still important as ever if they’d just GET OUT AND VOTE. (Dick Morris is wrong.) But it is possible — we’re just asking — that Dick Morris’s real purpose in the election wasn’t polling or punditing or whatever it was he thought he was doing, but rather was fleecing people who read Newsmax? People who read Newsmax … like you??? Read more on When Dick Morris And Newsmax Love Each Other Very Much ……
  begun these nerd wars have

Without Gallup’s Crappy Polls, Nate Silver Is Nothing, Says Gallup

One of the “fun” things about presidential elections is that every four years there’s a new dumb thing about the process for political junkies to yell at each other about despite the disinterest or genuine disgust of normals, and this year it’s polling! Did Nate Silver’s devil-math suck all the fun out of democracy, forever? Were the polls skewed because they didn’t reflect Republican understanding of reality? Were Gallup and Rasmussen “in the tank” for Republicans? Well, Gallup Editor-in-Chief Frank Newport has decided to weigh in on this controversy, and would like you to know that (a) Gallup was not wrong, because it abruptly stopped picking Romney to win by 7 points several days before the election, and (b) Nate Silver is a parasitic remora clinging to the great white shark that is Gallup and if everyone gets into the Nate Silver business the whole polling industry will collapse, and then we’ll have no polling at all, and then we’ll be sorry! Read more on Without Gallup’s Crappy Polls, Nate Silver Is Nothing, Says Gallup…
  oo ee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang

AP Writes Entire Article About Obama’s Terrifying, Witch-Doctor-Filled Kenyan Village Home

Oh, look, the AP has written a “color piece” (get it?) about how everyone in Obama’s birthplace, Kogelo, Kenya, is a 105-year-old witch doctor cold throwin’ chicken guts around, for science. KOGELO, Kenya (AP) — At President Barack Obama’s ancestral village in Kenya, witch doctor John Dimo tossed some shells, bones and other items to determine who will win Tuesday’s election. After throwing the objects like so many dice outside his hut in Kogelo village, Dimo, who says he is 105 years old, points to a white shell and declares: “Obama is very far ahead and is definitely going to win.” Read more on AP Writes Entire Article About Obama’s Terrifying, Witch-Doctor-Filled Kenyan Village Home…
  Spotlight on Civility

A Children’s Treasury of Butthurt Reactions To Joe Biden’s Debate Demeanor

Say, did you notice that Joe Biden was just a little interrupty in the VP Debate? We are given to understand that Old Handsome Joe’s performance made a bit of a stir among some of the more sensitive souls on the right side of the political spectrum. (You see, when a Republican puts on an angry threat display, it proves his “alpha male” status. When a Dem does something similar, it is the end of civility as we know it, and poo must be flung.) The Wingosphere is experiencing such a tsunami of tsuris over Mean Joe that we can only skim the surface in this post; no doubt we will miss some of your personal favorites. So it goes. Let’s see whose delicate sensibilities have been ruffled by the Veep-Hulk: Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Butthurt Reactions To Joe Biden’s Debate Demeanor…
  just like the valentine's day massacre but black

How Is Chicago Thug Barack Obama Threatening People Today?

Sexboat toe goblin Dick Morris has some thoughts on the typically thuggish Chicago regime, and how they “Rough Up Gallup for Polls They Don’t Like.” Get ready you guys, because it is terrifying! In a scene right out of a typical authoritarian regime, Fox News reports that “employees at the venerable Gallup polling firm suggested they felt threatened by Obama campaign adviser David Axelrod when he questioned the methodology of a mid-April poll showing Mitt Romney leading the president – according to internal emails published Thursday.” That poll that sent Axelrod ballistic showed Romney leading Obama 48-43 percent. Read more on How Is Chicago Thug Barack Obama Threatening People Today?…
  cartoon violence

Emergency Cartoon Violence: Dick Morris Has Some Terrible/Hilarious Cartoons On His Website

Haha, remember when your Comics Curmudgeon used to literally read every single political cartoon barfed out by America’s political cartooning class, every week, and then make fun of them all for your amusement? Your Comics Curmudgeon remembers this, though the details are fuzzy and mostly he just thinks of it as the “dark time.” He thought he had left that life behind him, but then Buzzfeed deputy tech editor and noted collector of Internet insanity John Herrman alerted him to the fact that DickMorris.com seeks to offer insightful political cartoons to those who have wandered over looking for Dick Morris-related content (toe porn). The cartoons are pretty great! No, wait, did we say “great,” we meant terrible. No, we can’t decide! Like this one: Read more on Emergency Cartoon Violence: Dick Morris Has Some Terrible/Hilarious Cartoons On His Website…
  great moments in punditry

World’s Greatest Operative Dick Morris Says Magical Poll Numbers Show Mitt Not Losing

This is interesting! Dick Morris, professional toe-sucker, says His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney should not sweat the poll numbers showing him down 10 or a thousand nationally, forever, because he has seen the real poll numbers, done by an outfit he trusts (Rasmussen, probably), and they show a trend for his Mittness! On Friday, I saw the real numbers. These state-by-state polls, taken by an organization I trust (after forty years of polling) show the real story. The tally is based on more than 600 likely voter interviews in each swing state within the past eight days.” “The trend line is distinctly pro-Romney. Of the thirteen states studied, he improved or Obama slipped in nine states while the reverse happened in only four. To read the media, one would think that Romney had a terrible month. In fact, the exact reverse is true.” But where are these real poll numbers? Are they from Harry Reid’s double secret source? Are they with the yellowcake in Niger? Read more on World’s Greatest Operative Dick Morris Says Magical Poll Numbers Show Mitt Not Losing…
  stockholm syndrome

Dick Morris: Barack Obama Is Holding Hillary Clinton Hostage, Because He Is A Terrorist

Why does the Obama administration insist on holding Hillary Clinton “hostage” by making her a kickass Secretary of State who’s awesome at her job and more popular than she’s ever been in her life? Dick Morris would like to know! Or rather, Dick Morris would not like to know, he would just like to assert it, on the Sean Hannity Hour O’Spite, along with some other definitely true suppositions: “I guarantee you, Sean, based on what I have heard from third parties or I have spoken to, that William Jefferson Clinton is going to cast his ballot for Mitt Romney,” Morris said. “However, he’s going to open his mouth for Barack Obama because his wife is hostage. They have her under lock and key as Secretary of State, and he is scared that Obama will lose and blame him if he undermines Obama. So he will do everything he asks him to do, and then he will jab him whenever he can.” Read more on Dick Morris: Barack Obama Is Holding Hillary Clinton Hostage, Because He Is A Terrorist…
  wonkette world o' books

Famous Slug Dick Morris Would Like You To Know Some Things

Dick Morris is impressive not because he incarnates everything disgusting and amoral about American politics (though he does do that), but because he’s proved once and for all that even a common slug can have a successful career in human political consulting. Even more impressive: he’s written tons of books, including his new call-to-arms, Revolt! How to Defeat Obama and Repeal His Socialist Programs: A Patriot’s Guide, co-written with his wife Eileen McGann (who apparently stuck around). It’s full of useful advice for the GOP, and you know what that means: toe-sucks galore! Read more on Famous Slug Dick Morris Would Like You To Know Some Things…
  'nifty pac' was already taken maybe

Monstrous Sociopath Dick Morris Has New PAC With Dumb Name

You might think that it would be “cool” to have access to the Wonkette tip line, because you’d be privy to all sorts of political insider-y things before they hit the news! But in fact all you get are endless poorly spelled/punctuated screeds from nobodies and has-beens. One of the has-beens we hear from most often is Dick Morris, who used to be Bill Clinton’s Karl Rove, but then got fired for sucking prostitute toes, then went on to become a conservative gadfly for reasons that make sense to, well, him, we guess. Anyway, it took a long time for Dick Morris to notice that all the cool kids are starting PACs these days, but now he’s caught up and conned someone sober into filing the paperwork to start his PAC. All you need is an unrealistic goal and a name! Anyone have a name? A name for this … super PAC? Read more on Monstrous Sociopath Dick Morris Has New PAC With Dumb Name…
  was it over when germany bombed pearl harbor?

According To Dick Morris/Winston Churchill, Nancy Pelosi Bombed Pearl Harbor

Toe-sucking prostitute-user and one-time Clintonista Dick Morris now spends his “work day” whining on Fox News about the mean Demoncraps, but he took some time off today to send us a very special email comparing Nancy Pelosi to Imperial Japan, OUR ENEMIES THE JAPS, during World War II. Why won’t Nancy Pelosi denounce Imperial Japan for doing Pearl Harbor instead of kowtowing to the Japanese even today, because of sharks and health care and Winston Churchill? [Some Wingnut Group] Read more on According To Dick Morris/Winston Churchill, Nancy Pelosi Bombed Pearl Harbor…
  today in newsmax emails

Newsmax & Offers You Can’t Refuse, Take [Whatever]

What is it with the conservative cruises! Weekly Standard Cruise, National Review Cruise, “Newsmax.com” Cruise. Oh, right, they do conservative candidate scouting on these trips! That’s how Bill Kristol met Sarah Palin, on his Cruise to the frozen Alaska. But this one… this one’s just the toe-fucker Dick Morris and whatever person he pays to be his wife. Read more on Newsmax & Offers You Can’t Refuse, Take [Whatever]…
  the new titanic

Join Subhuman Scumbag Dick Morris & Some Wingnuts For a Terrible Holiday Cruise!

Want to make sure next year is awful, too? Then why not book your passage today on the March 2010 NewsMax.com Love Boat! For as little as $1,349 per person, you can share a tiny claustrophobic inside cabin for seven fucking days and nights on some hideous cruise ship, and during the day you will be forced out on the deck to suck Dick Morris’ toes. (Could be worse. You could have “anus duty.”) Some other wingnuts you’ve never heard of, they’ll be hanging around, too! And if you just won the lottery and need to get rid of that cash, quick, go ahead and spend $17,598 for a single veranda suite on this Death Boat. [NewsMax Cruise] Read more on Join Subhuman Scumbag Dick Morris & Some Wingnuts For a Terrible Holiday Cruise!…
 

Clinton Campaign Post Mortem: Everybody Hates Mark Penn, Still

Hillary Clinton may have conceded the Democratic presidential nomination last weekend, but that doesn’t mean her old ex-friend Dick Morris doesn’t have some more strategic advice for her! You have heard of this “Mark Penn” character, yes? The pile of human glop that would slither out in front of the teevee cameras and gurgle about Hillary’s balls or whatever, until he got fired for being a Colombian sewer-hound? It seems that Mark Penn is to blame for Hillary’s failure, which everybody knows, and now Dick Morris knows it, too. Read more on Clinton Campaign Post Mortem: Everybody Hates Mark Penn, Still…
 

American Hero Sinbad Doesn’t Pay Taxes?

The greatest American hero since forever, Sinbad, is actually a traitor to his country because he does not pay for it. If you’ll recall, he was the leading provocateur in “Sinbadgate” (named after Sheryl Crow, an important participant), the whistle-blowing scandal about Hillary’s Clinton’s fake trip to Bosnia. But now the funniest comedian of some decade is one of the most high profile tax delinquents in the United States, according to the I.R.S. Similarly heroic politico Dick Morris is also a tax delinquent, but he’s also not a human. Read more on American Hero Sinbad Doesn’t Pay Taxes?…
 

Hillary Makes Up Chelsea’s Whereabouts on 9/11

Now that Hillary has decided to extort the Democratic party, she has officially become less trustworthy than Dick Morris, the Clintons’ evil former strategist who now wishes them both dead. This means we can quote Dick Morris’ column and assume his claims are true, because why not? On today’s agenda: that time Hillary Clinton said Chelsea was hanging out by the Twin Towers on 9/11, and how she wasn’t at all. Read more on Hillary Makes Up Chelsea’s Whereabouts on 9/11…
 

According to tricky Dick Morris, Hillary flirted with the idea of running for governor of Arkansas in 1990, because Bill wanted to run for president and, if he lost, wanted to come back and run that shitty state vicariously. She probably would’ve lost to Barack Obama somehow, though. [NYP] Read more on …
 

Dick Morris Is/Isn’t DC Madam Client, Still a Dick

Toe-sucking whore renter Dick Morris has apparently denied being a client of DC Madam Deborah Jean Palfrey’s prostitution service, according to an AP correction: In a March 9 story about a former escort service owner pleading not guilty to racketeering, The Associated Press erroneously reported that political consultant Dick Morris acknowledged being a client. Morris said the claim is “totally untrue.” A corrected version appears below. But Palfrey says — in a letter posted today on WTOP’s website — that Morris repeatedly admitted to being a client. Where did he do the admitting? Palfrey says “on numerous occasions on national television, in 1996.” Read more on Dick Morris Is/Isn’t DC Madam Client, Still a Dick…
 

Gossip Roundup: Tancredo and the Bandit

* Heard on the Hill: Rep. Norm Dicks, chair of the House Appropriations subcommittee on Interior and environment, wears a jacket with the words “Mr. Chairman” emblazoned on the front. On Saturdays. While getting a haircut… No members of Congress at Madame Tussauds, thank god. [Roll Call] * Reliable Source: All-around douchebag and Abramoff buddy Michael Scanlon is suing his ex-wife for all the money in the world plus one dollar… New York state legislator starting a bizarre Courage Cup controversy. Features this sentence: “We will have nothing further to do with this person or his imaginary polo activity….” [WP] * Yeas and Nays: Darryl Strawberry was at Blue Gin Saturday night, where the hell were you? … NICOLAS CAGE IS COMING, PREPARE YOURSELF. [Examiner] * Under the Dome: Staffer steals Rep. Tom Tancredo’s car, smashes it into another car, tells Cap Police he had permission. If it weren’t for stupid Libby we’d have just written about this all day long… Crazy former Marine sending crazy letters to congresswoman. [The Hill] * Shenanigans: Tim Mahoney, who unseated Mark Foley, has directed his staff to communicate via instant messenger… David Gregory: Airport line skipper. [Politico] * The Sleuth: Dick Morris continues to entertain. He’s being served with a subpoena by the DC Madam who’s threatening to sell her client list, all while trying to make an anti-Hillary documentary. [WP] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Tancredo and the Bandit…