Wonkette

Democratic Senators Chuck Schumer (NY) and Dick Durbin (IL)–a Clinton and an Obama supporter, respectively–are what D.C. insiders call “roommates.” They sparred like Montagues and Capulets on Meet the Press yesterday, and in the end they admitted that Dick was the one who makes the bed back at home. At least the Republicans have the decency to conduct this sort of behavior in the privacy of their own public bathroom stalls. [Meet the Press]

So you know how the CIA destroyed tapes of [fun and happy!] interrogations of al Qaeda operatives in 2005? Well some Demrats like Ted Kennedy and Dick Durbin having already called for Michael Mukasey to lead an investigation, which will obviously never happen. There’s a war going on, people! Anyway, the would-be scandal’s served White House Press Secretary Dana Perino another heaping pile of shit to eat in an already dense week, and she was the antithesis of informative today. The count for her most commonly used phrases today was: “I don’t know” — seven times; “decline to comment/not commenting” — 10 times; and “still gathering facts/gather the facts” — 11 times. So this little deletey situation should get cleared up right quick. [White House, NYT] MORE »

Dick Cheney doesn’t want to reveal how much shit he’s classifying (all of it) and how much he’s declassifying (ha ha ha), so the other week he said something about not actually being part of the executive branch. Now the White House says the President’s office isn’t part of the executive branch either, which means that we’re pretty sure Rahm Emanuel must be the Chief Executive? Or Scalia? Peggy Noonan? MORE »

* Reliable Source: Everyone skipped work and went to the Nats opener yesterday, except you, sucker. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Yoko Ono said some stuff about peace, cherry blossoms, etc… Tammy Haddad is having her 10th-annual pre-WHCD brunch. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: “Ron Kaufman - the Chairman of Dutko Worldwide and a top Mitt Romney advisor” — forced by rowdy Nats crowd to kiss some poor woman for their amusement… PETA writes Karl Rove a sarcastic letter about how bad his animal-killing joke bombed… The damn WHCD coverage and previewing is here. [Politico]
* Page Six: Sheryl Crow showed up to Dick Durbin’s office wearing an elephant. [NYP]

* Heard on the Hill: Dick Durbin beat a rat to death with a golf club, bragged about his bloodthirstiness … Rep. Diane Watson kills by night, or possibly by day. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Eleanor Holmes Norton, Stephen Colbert to meet in televised rematch. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Bob Edwards says he hears Al Gore is losing weight … Tom DeLay still pretty much seems like an asshole. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: Wolf Blitzer forced to drive himself to work. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: Mitt Romney’s got real purty hair. [WP]
* Page Six: Bill Clinton, possibly eating a cheeseburger, will greet guests to Hillary’s fundraising spin aerobics class. [NYP]
* Rush & Molloy: Bored activists drag Amazon.com user-written reviews into Israel-Palestine-Jimmmy Carter brouhaha. [NYDN]

* Heard on the Hill: Richard Simmons was at the Capitol “spreading joy.” … No more stache for Rep. Peter DeFazio — who will keep the flame alive now? … Congressional Record claims John McCain introduced an amendment in the House. Madness! … Barney Frank doesn’t care if the Republicans obstruct the Dems, he just wishes they weren’t so boring about it. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Local boy makes good! [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Donald Rumsfeld still alive, hanging out at the Hoover Institution. John Fund got his digits! “Not for an interview, just to talk.” We did not make that quote up… Joe and Valerie Wilson are gone, forever. [Examiner]
* The Sleuth: Bush hosts coffee date for neocons… Vanessa Williams and Dick Durbin: BFF! [WP]
* Shenanigans: Ted Kennedy had yet another birthday party. Everyone was there! … Happy CPAC weekend! … John Edwards: Lying about his favorite movie? [Politico]

We’ve got more than three amigos for you this week because Wonk’d doesn’t take snow days, even in a celebrity storm like this one: Vicente Fox doing his Borat impersonation, Bill Cosby not eating at Ben’s, Fred Barnes with his head in the ground, and Joe “That’s Right Motherfuckers” Lockhart partying with some girls who are way past wild and into ludicrous, also Ludacris.

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What could be funnier than four slovenly men who hang out in their run-down old house eating cereal in their piss-stained boxer shorts? They’re lawmakers in the new Democratic majority, so they can raise your taxes and send you off to die in Iraq! MORE »

Immediate pre-written Dem leadership response: NOPE! MORE »

“Blurry white guys for change!” MORE »