dick cheney
Bad Boy Chef-Trotter Tony Bourdain Will Fry Up Dick Cheney’s Skull And Sodomize Him With It
Man, bad boy cheftrotter Tony Bourdain (your Editrix calls him “Tony” because of how he is her lover) will eat anything. There he always is, puking his way around Rangoon or whatever, eating turd hash on a salad of gravel and smiling wanly at his eager hosts. But what would he most like to eat? [...]
Unmitigated Disaster Dick Cheney Calls Obama An ‘Unmitigated Disaster’
Dick Cheney has a new heart, and is ready to tell the world of the darkness that is inside it. This weekend, the former vice president showed up at the Republican state convention in Wyoming to tell a crowd what they wanted to hear (there seems to be a lot of money in this!) Sitting [...]
Vice President Dick Cheney Still Undead
Former Vice President Dick Cheney, 71, has received a new heart, The New York Times reports. Mr. Cheney is best known to the American public for usurping the power of the presidency from his alleged boss, George W. Bush; pushing the country to war on false pretenses; and shooting an old man in the face. [...]
Tough Guy War Criminal Dick Cheney Terrified of Visiting Canada
Undead goblin king Dick Cheney dedicated his thousand year shadow reign of darkness to murdering and torturing the people of Iraq in order to make Dick Cheney feel safer, but it turns out he may have picked the wrong country. Dick Cheney now wishes he had bombed Canada, the only nation with citizens wicked enough [...]
Gay Marriage Passes in Maryland; Twitter Awaits Santorum’s Reaction
The Maryland Senate passed a bill allowing same-sex marriage that the House also passed last week, which the governor will now sign shortly, hooray! This makes Maryland the first state with a direct reference to Catholicism in its name to legalize gay marriage and the eighth state to do so overall, which immediately forced Virginia [...]
Fancy New Yorker Magazine Won’t Print Definition of Santorum, But Prints ‘Anal Rapists For Bush’
It’s an election season, so the generally readable New Yorker has made its quadrennial mutation into a presidential campaign magazine, which is boring. Also, the magazine has finally delved into the deeply rewarding tale of how Dan Savage turned “Santorum” into the name for the “frothy mix of lube and fecal matter” used to make [...]
World Eagerly Awaits Christmas Miracle of Dick Cheney’s Death
We don’t believe in an interventionist god, so today’s cheery eyewitness report of Dick Cheney being “enfeebled” at a death-war military contractor’s holiday cocktail ritual does not make us believe we’re all going to have a very merry Christmas. We must remember that Dick Cheney has been legally dead about a hundred times, and he [...]
Riot Cops Battle Protesters Trying To Strangle Dick Cheney
It’s pretty hot for September! Up in Vancouver, a kick-ass bunch of Canadian protesters rushed the doors of some private industrialists club/Satanic Secret Society and had a battle with the riot cops. A 51-year-old protester reportedly strangled a cop, in an apparent effort to get through the doors and strangle Dick Cheney — Cheney was [...]
Happy Birthday, Hobbits: A Children’s Treasury of America’s Middle Earth
It’s the last day of summer, everybody! Technically, anyway. Summer has been extended by a few years for many parts of the United States, especially Texas. But you know what else is important about this day before the Autumn Equinox? It’s the birthday of fictional hobbit celebrities Bilbo Baggins and Frodo Baggins, both born on [...]
Mitt Romney/Notorious Psychopath Dick Cheney 2012!
Mitt Romney is struggling desperately to shore up his lagging popularity with the far right-wing base of teabagger idiots who still harbor a delusional nostalgia for the shadow presidency years when Dick Cheney spent actual trillions of dollars driving up America’s debt to wage torture and war across the entire planet, so Mittens told an [...]
All the Black People In G.W. Bush’s Administration Angry At Dick Cheney
With former secretary of state Condoleezza Rice now publicly complaining about Dick Cheney’s “cheap shots” in his bullshit book about how he is the Number One Hitler of All History and everybody else can suck it, both black people from the George W. Bush Administration have condemned the evil, subhuman former vice president for not [...]
Dick Cheney Explains Why He Loves Torture (Because He Is Darth Vader)
Evil zombie Dick Cheney came back from the dead recently to hack up a book, mostly as a courtesy to the hobos pillaging Borders stores across the country, who would otherwise go without the materials needed to kindle their trash can fires. That book is here now, and it is causing “controversy,” for the people [...]
Taiwanese Animators Give Up, ‘Review’ Cheney Book By Dressing Him In ‘Hot Dog On A Stick’ Uniform
We don’t know what Herman Cain is doing in this video, either. But a deathly thin Dick Cheney skulking around in a Hot Dog On A Stick hat, well that’s something ….
Comatose Dick Cheney Had Lengthy Dream That He Was Caligula
Sometimes there is a Cracker Jack™-style surprise waiting at the very bottom of another inane New York Times feature about the lifestyles and murderous rampages of America’s political leaders. And your beloved former Wonkette editor Jim Newell found just such a weird treat at the end of this bloodthirsty insanity about Dick Cheney bragging how [...]
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