Wonkette

Republican Senator Larry Craig can’t walk past a public restroom without rushing in and offering to suck everybody’s cock. Republican Senator David Vitter spends all his time and money fucking hookers while shitting in his Depends. Imagine what these creeps might do if homosexual couples got married! MORE »

Making a sadder story just a little bit sadder still, today the cops have revealed D.C. Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey’s suicide note. Instead of blowing the lid of Dick Cheney’s particular perversions or David Vitter’s favorite style of Depends (logo of Elmo in wheelchair, masturbating), the two-page note is a heartbreakingly dull list of trivialities in grade-school girlish handwriting. MORE »

A series of “suspicious fires” in the Dirksen and Hart Senate buildings has everybody all freaked out, because we all know what happens after the arson in the lawmakers’ headquarters.

A total of four garbage-can fires were set (and extinguished) between 10:45 a.m. and 2 p.m. today, Capitol police said. MORE »

Dingbat diaperman David Vitter caught earmarking a hundred grand for creationist nuts. [NOLA]

One of Diaperman David Vitter’s other hookers, in New Orleans — but not the Diaper Gal, apparently — took a lie detector test administered by the President of Lie Detectors and the test proves she had “safe sex” with David Vitter, all the time, in New Orleans, and her pimp was named “Jonathan.” [Times-Picayune]

Wacky toilet cruiser (and GOP Senator) Larry Craig is running his sex scandal in such a backasswards way that leading Republican strategists are dumbfounded. Larry’s freakish strategy consists of pleading guilty to trying to fuck a cop in a Minneapolis public bathroom stall and then, weeks later, telling teevee cameras in Idaho that it’s all the fault of the local newspaper, which hadn’t yet run an article about him being a toilet cruiser, and then he says the plea was a “poor decision.” Too bad he doesn’t feel the same way about his well-known trawling of men’s rooms for cock! MORE »

Is there anybody who actually believes DC Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey didn’t run a high-priced prostitution service? Of course not, but Palfrey’s lawyers have been using the pretty clever strategy of asking the powerful Republican clients of her sex-delivery company if they paid for sex. And barring a scientifically impossible moment of honesty from one of the johns, none of them will ever admit to hiring a hooker. MORE »

Well, here’s what we’ve all been waiting for: A dumb YouTube video of Diaperman David Vitter in a diaper, with banjo music. It makes us laugh. Why? Because the pride is back, America! Here’s another version, with even weirder narration. And Vitter hasn’t resigned yet, although he will once Larry Flynt delivers the next stack of hooker testimony — including a lot more from Wendy Cortez, Vitter’s well-known and long-term prostitute gal in New Orleans. MORE »

Cross-dressing thrice-married abortionist Rudy Giuliani is building a “dream team” of consultants that so far includes a diaper-wearing hooker-fucker in New Orleans and a coke-dealing state treasurer in South Carolina. He seems to be lacking a pedophile on his team. Any possibilities out there? MORE »

Fringe right-wing mouthpieces Sean Hannity (Fox News) and Katherine Jean Lopez (National Review) have a message for Republican Senator and sex-criminal David “Diaperman” Vitter: Time to go, scumbag! Really, when the conservative media is saying “Pack it up, Pampers,” not even your power-crazed wife can save your political career. MORE »

While sane people are laughing at the embarrassing exploits of sex criminal, infantile fetishist and family-values Senator David Vitter, actual evangelical fundamentalist Christian Republicans are once again trying to make sense of a world in which the sickest motherfuckers are all evangelical fundamentalist Christian Republicans who, whenever they’re not paying a hooker to dress them in diapers, are calling for the “immoral” to be thrown out of political office, the military, schools, the workplace, etc. MORE »

Who will weep for David Vitter’s chopped-off penis? These people, apparently. MORE »

“I suspect that at this very moment at some downtrodden pay by the hour roadhouse deep within the bowels of the city sits a harlot whose withered privates, a virtual petri dish of social disease, awaits your crabbed member. I’m sure that in addition to the arsenal of prophylactics that she normally carries upon her person in the course of doing business, she has stocked her handbag with diapers in advance in the event that you should feel compelled to defecate into one for her, as has been the pervasive rumor on the street in and around the area of the Quarter.” [Cajun Boy in the City]

Well, it’s not that great, but there are at least four hilarious lines and we definitely want to encourage Woody Guthrie-esque folk songs in response to every Republican sex scandal, so we give it a coveted Wonkette Grammy(tm).

The David Vitter Song [You Tube]