Tag Archives: dianne feinstein

  wild and crazy guy

Brian Schweitzer Is Living Proof That Being A Democrat Is Not A Shield Against Being Dumb

We hadn’t really thought much about Brian Schweitzer, the Democratic ex-governor of Montana, since 2012, when he was saying dumb things about Mitt Romney and Mormons. But now Schweitzer is somehow being talked about as a legitimate possibility for a 2016 Democratic ticket run, so now everyone has to ooh and ahh over how edgy and unfettered he is. The National Journal stuck some poor lady with having to spend quality time with Schweitzer up in Big Sky Country (guns! chainsaws! snowmobiles!) so that he could just be an unending gaffe machine. But not a cool funny gaffe machine like Joe Biden. More like your relative from hell that think’s he’s hilarious, especially after a few drinks, but is just plain stupid. Read more on Brian Schweitzer Is Living Proof That Being A Democrat Is Not A Shield Against Being Dumb…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Has Feelings About Lady Politicians And Their Hysterical Emotions (Video)

Jon Stewart gets at the very important issue of sexism in politics with “breaking news from the inside of another human being” — that is, Chelsea Clinton’s Politically Meaningful Baby, the grandchild that could make all the difference for Hillary Clinton’s possible campaign, or be completely meaningless — except to Darrell Issa, who “has already subpoenaed the baby to testify about Benghazi.” Read more on Jon Stewart Has Feelings About Lady Politicians And Their Hysterical Emotions (Video)…
  girl you lookin so fein

CIA Screwed Up So Bad That Biggest Fangirl Dianne Feinstein Yelling At Them Now (VIDEO)

Yeah yeah, we know, it’s just so hypocritical of iconic Bond girl Dianne Feinstein to suddenly be acting all hotted up about domestic spying now that she’s the one getting domestic spied on. It’s very ironic and so on, but that’s not the important thing. The important thing is: If you are someone who wants a new Church Committee to ram home a deep, broad, penetrating probe of CIA, NSA, FBI, and all the rest, you should be happy. The chances of that happening just got a lot better. And boy, it’s about time. To us, the most striking thing about this whole affair has not been the accusations against the CIA, but rather just how badly they’ve handled themselves in response. It’s like when you catch a kid with his hand in the cookie jar, and his reaction is to yell “FUCK YOU! My hand was not in the cookie jar, and even if it was it’s none of your fucking business! DO YOU HEAR ME I WILL CUT YOU! I WILL SHIT IN YOUR SHOES!” In other words, the CIA is very much like Justin Bieber or a 19-year-old son. Read more on CIA Screwed Up So Bad That Biggest Fangirl Dianne Feinstein Yelling At Them Now (VIDEO)…
  Profiles in Courage

Dianne Feinstein Joins Colleagues In Undermining Affordable Care Act, Thanks Obama!

Hey, you folks who live in states represented by United States Senators who are not unprincipled hacks with only a passing relationship to reality, we must ask: what is that like? See, here in our beloved adopted state of California we are represented by one Dianne Feinstein – or DiFi if you’re nasty – and good Lord and butter would we like to read one thing about her that does not make us want to stick a piano wire through our eyeball directly into our brain and then swirl it around for awhile. What is DiFi doing today to make us all stabby? Not much, just joining with Bill Clinton in wetting her pants because people who have been paying no attention to the Obamacare debate for the last five years suddenly realized “Holy crap, this is going to change our health insurance plans! What should we do?” Read more on Dianne Feinstein Joins Colleagues In Undermining Affordable Care Act, Thanks Obama!…
  hippy haiku brother trucker

Wingnut Truckers Now Pledge To Arrest Congress Or At Least Clog The Beltway For Entire Weekend

We have an important update to our earlier story about the Great Big Siege of Washington D.C. that some wingnut truckers have planned for this weekend. They’re still about 977,000 trucks short of their goal of a million truckers, but if the 3,000 truckers who RSVP’d as of last week actually do show up, that’s enough to seriously muck up traffic in the nation’s capital. Earl Conlon, organizer of the “Truckers Ride For the Constitution,” told U.S. News that the goal is no longer to seek Barack Obama’s impeachment: “We are not going to ask for impeachment,” Conlon said. “We are coming whether they like it or not. We’re not asking for impeachment, we’re asking for the arrest of everyone in government who has violated their oath of office. That’s a lot more simple and direct! You gotta like a group that stays so focused on a realistic, achievable goal. Read more on Wingnut Truckers Now Pledge To Arrest Congress Or At Least Clog The Beltway For Entire Weekend…
  prism planet

Politicians Welcome Chance To Discuss This NSA Surveillance Monster They Hid In The Basement

Over the weekend, various security officials and congresscritters were forced to go on the morning yap shows or talk to the press about the secret data collection programs exposed by the Guardian over the weekend. Some of them took this opportunity to explain why they were glad, GLAD, that we are finally having a national conversation about the classified top secret eavesdropping and metadata collection programs that they hid from the American people. Others patiently warned us that this classified top secret eavesdropping and metadata collection program had definitely prevented terror but that they couldn’t tell us exactly HOW it prevented terror, because that is secret, silly! But it is definitely keeping us safe, although it also missed the Boston Marathon bombings, and the Times Square bombing attempt, and the Fort Hood shooting. And still others just stressed that the classified top secret eavesdropping program is somehow effective enough to prevent terrorism but not so effective as to actually compromise anyone’s privacy. Below, a rundown of the various machinations and meltdowns! Read more on Politicians Welcome Chance To Discuss This NSA Surveillance Monster They Hid In The Basement…
  secret agent mansplaining

Your Wonkette PRISM Explainer, Part 2 Of Infinite: Which Morons Are Saying What Stupid Things About PRISM?

We decided we needed an entirely separate Explainer to discuss all the stupid morons saying dumb things about PRISM and/or the collection of All Metadata Everywhere, because so many “journalists” have been MORE THAN HAPPY to come forward, pat America on its pretty head and mansplain that this is no big deal, and also, isn’t it nice that we are somehow magically so much SAFER due to the technological marvels of a top secret program? Also, which is it? A technological marvel whose penetration into our privacy is necessary to Keep Us Safe, or alternatively, a piddly little exercise in security theater that is No Big Deal (unless you are a terrorist, in which case, watch out!)? We are still not sure! Here, let us run through all a selection of the Op-Ed columnists who CANNOT WAIT to tell us how wonderful it is that the government is invading our privacy, and then we will get to the elected officials who are shocked, SHOCKED to discover the existence of a program they supported and voted for or alternatively, can’t figure out why everyone is so upset. Read more on Your Wonkette PRISM Explainer, Part 2 Of Infinite: Which Morons Are Saying What Stupid Things About PRISM?…
  wonksplainer

But What About Gay Messicans?

DDM back to help splain some Congressional nitty-gritty-ness. There have been lots of happy nice times about our GLBTQMORELETTERS friends lately, because people around the country are finally looking around and saying, hey, these gay folks ain’t that bad! In fact, they seem almost like actual human beings, so maybe we could, you know, give them FUCKING RIGHTS. HashtagHappyEmoticon. But there is also happy nice time for teh gheyz on Capitol Hill.  As you may have heard, Congress is debating whether or not to allow Messicans to completely overrun the country and take away all our freedoms and spend all our tax monies on anchor babies, through immigration reform. As it turns out, apparently they’re talking about the ghey, as well. Sen. Leahy (D-Rainbows & Smiles) has filed two amendments to let same-sex couples be treated like human beings regarding immigration. The first, stronger one, allows an American in a bi-national same-sex couple to sponsor the non-American for immigration. For example, if an American lady falls in love with a woman here on a work visa (stealing a job from a real Merican), then this amendment would allow that love to flourish here in the U.S. of A., without deporting said foreigner. The second amendment is weaker – it would allow binational GLBTQMORELETTERS couples who are legally married under state law to sponsor for immigration, meaning only those married in the 11 happy happy states that allow gay marriage (and DC, dammit!! We count!!). Clearly, this has caused those on the right to froth like a rabid Paul Ryan (R-Biceps) without his Tiger Beat.  I mean, do these gays want ALL the same rights as straight people? There has to be a line somewhere. And on that line, we would like to build a giant fence, injeebusnamenowgohomeyouhomokthanksbye. But wait, DDM! I noticed that you said the nice SenatorMan “filed two amendments.” What does that mean? Some wonksplanation is needed! Read more on But What About Gay Messicans?…
  Our Cold Dead Hands

The Week in Guns: Please Proceed With Your Mansplaining, Jerks

What a week for gun news to wrap our cold dead hands around. We have already told you about the dust-up in the Senate Judiciary Committee when Canadian anchor baby Ted Cruz (R-Pew! Pew!) mansplained the Constitution to Dianne Feinstein and DiFi told him to STFU and DIAF. Readers who know something about DiFi’s history know she became mayor of San Francisco in 1978 when George Moscone was shot to death along with Harvey Milk, an experience she mentioned in the course of telling the CAB to STFU and DIAF. Last week’s exchange led Glenn “Gotta Cut Footloose” Reynolds to posit that DiFi’s work on gun control is being driven by PTSD and not rational policymaking. A lawmaker bringing personal experience to bear on a policy position? Is this not the same thing for which the Instaputz was defending Rob Portman’s honor over his flip-flop on gay marriage against vicious leftists? Why, yes it is, and on the same day he was suggesting DiFi might be suffering from PTSD. Good job, Instaputz. Read more on The Week in Guns: Please Proceed With Your Mansplaining, Jerks…
  fellatus interruptus

Dianne Feinstein Goes To Ted Cruz’s Work, Slaps Tea Party Dick From His Mouth Hole

Ho ho, Ted Cruz, you impetuous scamp! Since today is a day of the week, you must have pissed off someone with some sassy backtalk. Who had the “Dianne Feinstein” square for today’s game of “Ted Cruz Mansplains Until _____ Wants to Punch Him in His Cock” bingo? “Let me just make a couple of points in response,” Feinstein countered at a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing. “One, I’m not a sixth grader. Senator, I’ve been on this committee for 20 years. I was a mayor for nine years. I walked in, I saw people shot. I’ve looked at bodies that have been shot with these weapons. I’ve seen the bullets that implode. In Sandy Hook, youngsters were dismembered…It’s fine you want to lecture me on the constitution. I appreciate it. Just know I’ve been here for a long time. I’ve passed on a number of bills. I’ve studied the constitution myself. I am reasonably well educated, and I thank you for the lecture. Read more on Dianne Feinstein Goes To Ted Cruz’s Work, Slaps Tea Party Dick From His Mouth Hole…
  Beyond Treason

Try California Senator Dianne Feinstein for Treason Because These Signatures!

Wanna hear the latest steaming pile of stupid slop from the heartland of American Crazy? There’s a White House petition to try California Senator Dianne Feinstein for treason! Senator Feinstein has been selling U.S military secrets to Mexican cartels, who plan on widening trafficking lanes by confronting America’s armed forces and no really this is not a joke SHE JUST INTRODUCED SOME LEGISLATION. That does seem like it calls for the ultimate treason penalty of death, because GROBBLEFLURMENSTARM. Read more on Try California Senator Dianne Feinstein for Treason Because These Signatures!…
  impeach

California Gas Prices Still Out Of Effing Control

Hello from sunny California, now home to two three vaginally-afflicted members of your crack Wonkette cyborg team. It is a fun state, full of many wonderful things like giant trees, Mexican goth teens, and of course, Danny DeVito’s allegedly hyperactive peen. But what else does California have to offer its mixed population of liberal shitstains and Orange County ‘Publicans? Why, the insanest gas prices we’ve ever seen in this here nation! The rise in California gasoline prices has slowed after recent jarring increases, but nonetheless the cost of a gallon inched up to another record high, even as officials hope their emergency action will help ease the sticker shock. The average price for regular gas in the state on Tuesday was a bit over $4.67 a gallon, according to the AAA’s Daily Fuel Gauge Report. The price was a state record and the highest in the nation. The cost increased only a fraction of a cent overnight, however — compared to nearly 50 cents in the past week. Only un fraction de un centado? Viva la gasolina! (This is a mixed language called “Spangmerican,” which some might call a pidgin and others might call a creole and others might call “what the gardener talks when he sprays the bushes with no mask on, because we are too cheap to buy him protection against lethal carcinogens and as long as our bougainvillea looks purty, all is right with the world.”) Read more on California Gas Prices Still Out Of Effing Control…
  wheeeee

More Democrats Squeamish About Trying To Win Presidential Election

If you thought that the full chorus of national voices in the Democratic party might have no problem with — and in fact would embrace, not merely for political reasons but also because they believe it and consider it central to whatever remains of their ideological foundaiton — the long-promised assault on the practice of leveraged buyouts and their place within the financialization of the economy over the past 30 years and the destruction of any sort of consideration for improving the well-being of workers, all personified cartoonishly by Mitt Romney, then perhaps you’ve been spending too much time on Planet Earth, thinking rationally about how to win presidential elections. Several more national Democrats have announced that attacking Mitt Romney’s Bain Capital and what it represents makes them uncomfortable. Indeed, perhaps criticizing Mitt Romney at all is simply beneath them, and it would be best for the President to resign now and campaign for an uncontested Romney victory. Read more on More Democrats Squeamish About Trying To Win Presidential Election…
  any questions?

California Senator Dianne Feinstein Has Hot New Idea For Drug War: ‘Just Say No’

California Senator and world’s greatest Democrat Dianne Feinstein has done some creative thinking on the scourge that is Drugs, and she has some terrific ideas that are fresh and new and “outside-the-box” and other fresh and new ways of saying “outside the box”! What is her first great idea? Moar Drug War please! We must pull back the curtains on the false debate between legalizing drugs and current drug policy. […] Latin-American leaders are rightly outraged that their citizens continue to suffer because of America’s drug habits. Except that they would all like us to legalize drugs, because when’s the last time you saw Bartles kill Jaymes with a machete? (The answer, for our slower friends and Sen. Feinstein is: during Prohibition.) But what other creative thinking has Feinstein done? She would like to spend hundreds of millions of dollars again on those stupid “This Is Your Brain on Drugs” commercials that launched a million novelty tees! Because having 40 million children laugh at you while baked is total Feinsteinian SUCCESS! Read more on California Senator Dianne Feinstein Has Hot New Idea For Drug War: ‘Just Say No’…
  happiness is

Dentist Lawyer Realtor Birther Orly Taitz To Have Privilege Of Losing To Sen. Dianne Feinstein

Don’t try to tell us God doesn’t smile on Your Wonkette. Why else would Dentist/Lawyer/Real Estate Agent/Birther (so much threat!) Dr. Orly Taitz Esquire be leading in the GOP primary to take on California Senator Dianne Feinstein? Your Wonkette is no particular fan of ol’ (and we mean ol’) DiFi, having once been present when the esteemed senator delivered a bitchy little speech about how all those dastardly teachers and unions were to blame for the state of the schools. Fucking Dianne Feinstein blargh! HOWEVER! More importantly right now, in the race to lose to her, ORLY TAITZ IS LEADING THE PACK! Read more on Dentist Lawyer Realtor Birther Orly Taitz To Have Privilege Of Losing To Sen. Dianne Feinstein…
  california gold

Meg Whitman Now Hoping To Piss Away $$$ By Losing To Feinstein

Remember Meg Whitman, the poor little rich girl who got savagely trounced when Jerry Brown came out of his meditative trance one day, late in the election year, and said, “Oh yeah, I used to be California’s governor. I will be that again,” and then he destroyed her? Do you also remember that Meg Whitman had never even voted before, and her one and only “qualification” for office was spending enough of her millions to keep California’s television and radio advertising departments fully staffed while actually driving everyone else insane with her dumb ads and stupid face? Well, Meg’s planning a “comeback,” which is usually a word we reserve for people who have actually succeeded at something, earlier. Read more on Meg Whitman Now Hoping To Piss Away $$$ By Losing To Feinstein…
  Scary Pranksters

Terrible Hoax Person Hoaxing About Senator Deaths

Some huckleberry hoax-ster has been sending around spoof emails stating that Senator Patrick Leahy has died of cancer, when he really hasn’t–it was just a little heartburn from the onions in Aunt Mabel’s “famous” Independence Day potato salad. And someone — the VERY SAME HOAXSTER, perhaps? — has been emailing similar announcements about Sen. Dianne Feinstein and Sen. Frank Lautenberg, who also haven’t died. They’re not dead, they’re just boring. Read more on Terrible Hoax Person Hoaxing About Senator Deaths…
  responsible centrists

DIANNE FEINSTEIN SAYS A COMICAL THING! Reliably annoying Democrat Dianne Feinstein is getting all “meh” on health care, right now, of course: “I just find that if you’re going to remake a sixth of the American economy, it’s very difficult at this time of great economic angst.” Yes! It’s not Smart to fix a major chunk of the American economy when said American economy is insanely broken. [SF Chronicle] Read more on …
 

Obama Press Corps Hilariously Fooled During Secret Meeting

How did Hillary Clinton, who’s been locked in her Washington home on a barbiturate bender for the last 48 hours with the press clamoring at the gates, and Barack Obama, who commands an even larger, consolidated national press corps now, manage to meet privately (for hot bottled water) at that senator gal’s house last night? Easy! An unmarked van sneaked into Hillary’s side entrance (natch) and kidnapped her, while Obama took his reporters to the airport, locked them on a plane, and drove hastily to the meeting, where he violently ripped the duct tape from Hillary’s mouth and put her through bamboo-under-the-fingernails torture. And the press missed it! Read more on Obama Press Corps Hilariously Fooled During Secret Meeting…
 

Nancy Pelosi Doesn’t Care About Liberals

The very idea of “House Speaker Pelosi” isn’t exactly comforting to the shrinking, hysterical Far Right, but they should take comfort in the fact that liberals in San Francisco think she’s a sellout. Read more on Nancy Pelosi Doesn’t Care About Liberals…
 

Wonk’d: The Hot Mess

Just because someone is on TV, has run for president, or whatever, doesn’t mean they know how to dress themselves properly. Case in point: Ralph Nader. It’s just not that cold out, Ralph. Candy Crowley might need a few wardrobe tips too — and a reality check. While we’re giving unsolicited advice, how about a refresher driving class for Bob Novak? It seems like he needs it. There’s still more Wonk’d to come this week, so you have a few more days to fatten our inbox with sightings. Just put “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line, and we’ll publish all the hot fresh spottings on Friday. Check out the first installment of this week’s sightings, after the jump. Read more on Wonk’d: The Hot Mess…