dhs

PUNT CONTRAPUNT 1:44 pm May 24, 2013

Senator Lamar Alexander: HHS Chief Kathleen Sebelius Sold Arms To Iran To Fund Obamacare

Why is total mob capo of the DHS HHS Kathleen Sebelius shaking down companies to send arms to Iran so it can rape Nicaraguan nuns? This is an excellent question, one posed just this week by Tennessee Senator Lamar Alexander, previously known for being the boring guy who ran for president before Jon Huntsman whose [...]

SCISSOR SISTERS 12:16 pm August 10, 2012

DHS Chief Janet Napolitano Sued For Being A Giant Lezzy, Apparently

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Have you ever wondered if Department of Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano likes vag? You probably have wondered that. She is asked if she is lesbionic all the time, by everyone, just constantly. Well, now comes a lawsuit from a guy who was demoted after Napolitano took over at DHS, so she could replace him [...]

GAY 5:59 pm July 19, 2012

Louis Gohmert Travels Alllll Around The World To Hug Muslims, He Does

by Jim Newell

Now we wouldn’t want to let Michele Bachmann’s various House conspirators get off the hook for this “Muslim terrorists infiltrating the government because they are Muslim” summer-of-a-reelection-year stunt, would we? Here’s the dumbest person in the Western Hemisphere, Rep. Louis Gohmert, berating Jan “BIG SIS” Napolitano today about why she let a Muslim terrorist in [...]

NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT! 1:57 pm January 16, 2012

TSA Now Testing Radiation Levels of TSA Airport Security Workers

by Wonkette Jr.

How safe are those “backskatter” radiation machines, again? Completely safe, of course! But the Department of Homeland Security is just going to do a little check-and-see, just in case thousands and thousands of TSA airport security workers are about to be diagnosed with terrible cancers that will result, we assume, in the biggest lawsuit in [...]

A LITTLE BIRD TOLD US 2:45 pm January 12, 2012

Homeland Security Is In Your Tweets, Waiting For Your Revolution

by Liz Colville

The US government is watching our every tweet, but don’t worry, it’s just to get a “situational awareness” of the world. Since 2010, the Department of Homeland Security has been monitoring “publicly available” information such as forums, Twitter accounts, and websites like WikiLeaks, Facebook and Hulu (what? – “Hey boss, I’m just monitoring these SNL [...]

#OCCUPY HOMELAND SECURITY 9:22 pm November 26, 2011

What’s Really Behind the Nationwide Raids Against #OWS

by Wonkette Jr.

For a decade now, the Department of Homeland Security has coordinated the law enforcement efforts of America’s major cities, both through the U.S. Conference of Mayors and through a direct network of the nation’s big city police chiefs. And yet, there was widespread “mainstream media” suspicion when reports surfaced of coordinated national assaults against the [...]

'HOMELAND' IS WHAT THE NAZIS CALLED IT TOO 8:55 pm November 15, 2011

Surprise, Homeland Security Coordinates #OWS Crackdowns

by Wonkette Jr.

Remember when people were freaking out over the Patriot Act and Homeland Security and all this other conveniently ready-to-go post-9/11 police state stuff, because it would obviously be just a matter of time before the whole apparatus was turned against non-Muslim Americans when they started getting complain-y about the social injustice and economic injustice and [...]

CIVIL WAR 12:32 pm January 21, 2009

by Ken Layne

IT HAS BEGUN: Wonkette Operative “Danielle R.” says there’s a riot going on, outside the Homeland Security Reichstag: “Few hundred people are outside the DHS/ICE building on 12th and D SW with a huge American flag, protesting immigration policy … ‘Reform Not Raids’ is their mantra, I think. The guy on the bullhorn sounds like [...]

NEW YORK TIMES 4:47 pm March 24, 2008