Tag Archives: devil

  There's gotta be a santorum joke in here somewhere

Hero Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore Will Block Gay Courthouse Door, For Freedom

Judge DePiazza
Fellow Patriots®, are you tired of the gay agenda being rammed down your throat? Are you afraid that the repeated joyous celebrations of legalized gay marriage exploding all over your face will give you gay herpes of the eye? You are not alone, and we have a hero who has returned from the ashes, like a dung beetle we thought the universe had shat out of existence, only to return like a shit-stained phoenix rising from derp-filled ashes of bigotry: Read more on Hero Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore Will Block Gay Courthouse Door, For Freedom…
  Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Just Satan?

GOP: Downward Facing Dog Invites Satan To ‘Invade Your Empty Vacuum’

After a stressful day of working (or hanging out in a workplace man cave), many Americans unwittingly risk handing their immortal souls over to Beelzebub through smoking weed premarital sex witchcraft yoga.  Satan is apparently incarnated in that cute yoga instructor, tempting you to deny the One True God for that sweet sweet release found in the Revolved Half Moon Pose. Or so said real-life not-a-joke GOP nominee for Lieutenant Governor Bishop Ewwwwwww Jackson back in 2008: When one hears the word meditation, it conjures an image of Maharishi Yoga talking about finding a mantra and striving for nirvana. . . . The purpose of such meditation is to empty oneself. . . . [Satan] is happy to invade the empty vacuum of your soul and possess it. That is why people serve Satan without ever knowing it or deciding to, but no one can be a child of God without making a decision to surrender to him. Beware of systems of spirituality which tell you to empty yourself. You will end up filled with something you probably do not want. Thank the gods we have the good Bishop here to warn us about all this with his not-at-all sexually innuendo-filled words. Could this be secret performance art? That “invade the empty vacuum” and  “filled with something you probably didn’t want” sounds like Rick Santorum on a Castro District bender. (Speaking of Santorum, don’t forget about this!) But apparently there is some crazy underground conservative nutjob Christianist movement that is for reals worried that yoga is of the debbil. Explore further for the good of your SOUL! Read more on GOP: Downward Facing Dog Invites Satan To ‘Invade Your Empty Vacuum’…
  Repello Muggletum

Harry Potter Teen Devil Magic Annihilates Sarah Palin Home Movie

Faded reality-teevee grandma Sarah Palin was hoping her remaining fans — other bitter middle-aged white people who expect to get rich without working — would flock to the premiere of the new two-hour commercial/home movie about Sarah Palin. But in the Republican stronghold of Orange County, California, one of only ten theaters nationwide to release the propaganda last night had exactly one person in the audience. And that person was only there to write Harry Potter jokes about it, for The Atlantic. You see, last night was also the premiere of the last Harry Potter movie. And once again, the sexy powers of Witchcraft have obliterated the boring world of angry old unemployed people complaining about the Negro. Read more on Harry Potter Teen Devil Magic Annihilates Sarah Palin Home Movie…
  nutballs

Bobby Jindal Refuses To Lose With McCain

Little weirdo and amateur devil exorcist Bobby Jindal will NOT be John McCain’s losing vice-presidential candidate, the scrawny character announced today after the terrible HURRICANE destroyed the last hopes of McCain’s campaign. “I’m not going to be the vice presidential nominee or vice president,” Jindal said at a news conference to announce the cancellation of other news conferences. “I’m going to help Senator McCain get elected, as governor of Louisiana. Let me be clear: I have said in every private and public conversation, I’ve got the job that I want.” Back to you, Mitt. [CNN Political Ticker] Read more on Bobby Jindal Refuses To Lose With McCain…
  gay agenda

OKLAHOMA DEVIL-HOMOSEXUAL COMIC GUY ON CNN: Hilarious accused felon & Oklahoma county commissioner Brett Rinehart tells the teevee news, “I’m not even sure as to what ‘homophobic’ means, but let’s just keep in mind that we are in a cultural war.” [CNN/Raw Story] Read more on …
 

Will McCain Choose Nutball Exorcist For Veep Candidate?

When young corporate Republican Bobby Jindal was sworn in as Louisiana’s governor five months ago, the national press noted that he was the child of Punjabi Indians who had just moved to America, and that he was young for a governor (36). All very interesting, blah blah, but did you know he’s a wacky Extremist Catholic (like Mel Gibson!) who performs exorcisms on people to rid them of The Demons From Hell? Read more on Will McCain Choose Nutball Exorcist For Veep Candidate?…
 

Hillary Clinton Also Worships Satan

All presidents and all presidential family members worship Satan, so it’s no surprise that Drudge currently has this lovely photo of Hillary Clinton making the “Hook ’em Horns” heavy metal hand gesture that proves allegiance to the God of Politics, Satan. Let’s look at all the presidents praising their Satanic Majesty, after the jump. Read more on Hillary Clinton Also Worships Satan…
 

McCain Shocker: He Lives And Loves With D.C. Satanists

Lobbyist-lover John McCain has a lot of problems, including being 712 years old and completely hated by his party, the Republicans. Another problem he has is with the “social conservatives” — you know, the sort of people he never has to deal with because he’s a rich elitist Washington liberal with a cougar gazillionaire wife and any number of adopted liberal babies. So what does he tell the religious white voters down in Georgia on Friday? He calls his hometown of D.C. the “City of Satan,” that’s what. McCain has lived and worked in Washington for three decades. [NBC 4] Read more on McCain Shocker: He Lives And Loves With D.C. Satanists…
 

Bush, Ahmadinejad United In Love Of UT Longhorns

Did you know the whole Iran-White House thing is a big scam because both Bush and Ahmadinejad answer to the same boss, Satan? Well it could be true, as proven by this Conspiracy Planet photo comparison showing both unloved presidents doing the HAIL SATAN gesture. We’ve often posted pictures of Bush Junior worshiping his father in hell, but this is the first time we’ve seen Iranian McBeardy guy rocking the Heavy Metal Hands — and check him out, all double-barreled and whatnot. Read more on Bush, Ahmadinejad United In Love Of UT Longhorns…
 

Bush Junior Makes the Devil Sign Again, At 9/11 Ceremony

Once again, George W. Bush has been photographed making the devil sign — or, as Satan’s Apologists usually say, the “Hook ‘Em Horns.” It was at the White House 9/11 ceremony yesterday. Just for fun, try “accidentally” getting your hands in that position. It’s all but impossible, unless you’ve got some kind of degenerative nerve condition. Read more on Bush Junior Makes the Devil Sign Again, At 9/11 Ceremony…
 

Hugo Chavez Funding Rudy Giuliani’s Campaign

Venezuelan oil giant Citgo has paid between $100,000 and $200,000 to Rudy Giuliani’s law firm so the opera-loving Manhattan dandy can plot against America’s freedoms. Hugo Chavez runs Citgo; it’s where he gets all that money to “help the poor” or whatever. Read more on Hugo Chavez Funding Rudy Giuliani’s Campaign…
 

Happy Pentagon Day!

As we do every January 15, today we solemnly commemorate the completion of the world’s most awful structure, The Pentagon. It was on this day in Nineteen Hundred and Forty Three that the Masonic Magickal Monument was finished. Learn all about the very first demonic office building, after the jump. Read more on Happy Pentagon Day!…