detroit

So you’re in Detroit, and you are poor. You probably forgot to pay your water bill for … oh, let’s say “forever” because of how you have no things like “money.” (Kind of like how the city doesn’t have any “money” for piddling little things like “street lights” and “police response.” Then you are probably […]

Too bad we haven’t yet made our big move to Detroit, because this International Conference on Men’s Issues that was held there this weekend sounds like a total hoot. Who wouldn’t have fun in a roomful of angry shut-ins embittered because the harlot to whom they had entrusted their bank accounts and their mighty seed […]

Big News for Prolife Budget Hawks: The Michigan state legislature, which can’t afford anything anymore, did some Fiscal Responsibility the other day, appropriating $800,000 to “promote childbirth” and encourage pregnant ladies not to have no ‘bortions. It won’t include any money to actually help feed babbies or anything, but it will throw nearly a million […]

We have nine million comments backed up in the queue, and they are just precious! We will make an effort to bring you as many of these “real characters” as we can in the next few installments of yr Dear Shitferbrains. Let’s see what frothy goodness the internet has left lapping up against the sides […]

You know, you’d think after one of their ilk murdered six people — men AND ladies — just a wee bit ago and was fueled by their signature disgusting froth of misogyny and self-loathing, the Men’s Rights Activists people (and oh, do we use the term “people” loosely) would be laying low, but that is […]

Having first been elected to the House of Representatives in 1964, one would think that Rep. John Conyers (D-MI) would have the whole “get enough signatures from constituents to make it onto the primary ballot” step down to a science by now. This cycle, however, he made a pretty big oopsie. The [Michigan Secretary of […]

So here’s a nice bit of synchronicity: Last night, The Daily Show did a beautifully ragey takedown of Fox News’s outrage at lazy welfare bums who get food stamps, while dismissing far more costly corporate tax breaks as just the necessary incentive needed to create jobs. And this morning, we find a tipline link (thanks, […]

Welcome to another Derp Roundup, where we take a wire brush to our browser tabs, douse ‘em with brain bleach, and bring you the stories that were too stupid to ignore. We recommend a healthy portion of your favorite reality-dilution elixir before reading on. Our Top Derp goes to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition with […]

Say you are a mean old Republican (but we repeat ourselves) who loves to say sparkling things about Detroit and how you will get carjacked there, and also funny quips about FEMA camping all the Indians and giving them smallpox. Oh you wit! You slay you! But then say someone quotes you saying those things! […]

Hey there, Old Handsome Joe Biden! How you liking the motorcars at the Detroit Auto Show? Too bad the Secret Service won’t let you take a literal victory lap, but the metaphorical kind isn’t bad, either: “What a difference five years makes,” Mr. Biden said to auto executives, noting that in 2009 car sales plunged […]

These were anxious days in the suite of rooms above Manhattan that Peggy Noonan called home. First there was the arctic blast of a snowstorm that swept into the city and shut down everything, the air so cold the gin froze right in the bottle the minute she carried it out of the Upper East […]

In an effort to help revitalize the city, a Detroit nonprofit is offering free houses to writers who come to live and work there for a minimum of two years. Your Wonkette definitely wants to get in on a deal like this, so the entire writing staff is preparing to pick up and move. As […]

Oh, Boston. Why don’t you do right like those other cities do? We gave you some tongue-kissing-level love yesterday when we found out you’d feed the poors. We scheduled a visit to your fair town that will be economy-stimulating because we drink a lot. (A LOT.) How do you repay our affections? YOU DO NOT. […]

As everyone knows the only real racists anymore are the blacks because they racistly always have to remind real Americans (the job creators who keep sunscreen manufacturers profitable) that life in this country wasn’t, you know, all that great for the blacks for a long, long time. Seriously, you guys, it’s long past time to […]

Walking Ambien tablet George Will has a creative explanation for Detroit’s bankruptcy: It’s not about factories closing or jobs moving overseas or a declining tax base or anything to do with economics, really. Detroit is a basket case because “their problems are cultural.” Marvel at his impressive code-word gymnastics in this clip from ABC’s This […]