Stock markets shot back to 14,000 and the Iraqi resistance surrendered today on news that America’s Sweetheart, Jenna Bush, is marrying that guy she used to date before she split for South America. Henry Hager is the son of former Virginia lieutenant governor and state GOP chief and tobacco exec John H. Hager. Even better, young Henry worked directly for Karl Rove in the White House, so there’s a good chance Jenna’s new husband will be forced to testify at her dad’s war-crimes trial.

Bush’s daughter, Jenna, to be married [AP/Yahoo]