Are you having public-restroom closet-case gay-sex hysteria? Are you suddenly horrified by grown men getting impossibly weird kicks behind every bathroom door? Welcome to America’s Newest Freakout. Forget about wiretapping and Iraq and creeping fascism and all that, because what the United States really needs right now is a good old-fashioned nationwide scare over the public toilets. Even people working on Capitol Hill aren’t immune to the Endless Cummer panic, and most everybody on the Hill is either gay or a closet case! MORE »