Tonight (and only tonight) is Black America’s chance to shine. Enjoy our continued liveblogging of the candidates pretending that the most important thing in their campaign is to help black people.

All the pander-astic action is after the jump.

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More, more, more!

We’ve got more hot liveblogging action from this greatest of all political debates in the history of this greatest of great nations, America, after the jump.

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Since you people were so sad about how we didn’t live-blog the Sunday debate with the what’s-their-names, the Democratics, here is an announcement regarding tonight’s debate which starts in a goddamned hour and we still need to shower and run to the liquor store: MORE »

Information: The debate’s on Fox News, and don’t let that NBC Brian Williams commercial throw you off. People have been freaking out all day about Jerry Falwell croaking. A talking mouse in glasses is doing the pre-game — oh, that’s Alan Colmes? So that’s what liberals look like? Shudder.

Tonight, we are going to do things a little differently: Updates will be in “descending order,” meaning the newest ones will be on top. This is apparently “logical,” but we’ll try it anyway. Fun starts RIGHT NOW!!!

Come on in, and don’t forget your drinks ….

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Despite the tragic death of Jerry Falwell, the heartless GOP presidential candidates will still have their debate in South Carolina tonight. MORE »

Are we having fun yet? No? Then let’s continue not having fun with this exciting liveblogging of the GOP old geezers threatening us all with a million more 9/11s.

* If WALNUTS! becomes president, it really doesn’t matter what he wants — he will be president of a “failed nation.”
* When what’s his name is president, we’re not gonna rescue faggot hikers on Mt. Hood anymore.
* Come on, Tommy Thompson, are you or are you not going to protect American business from homos??
* Hey Mitt, how’s the E-meter?
* Huckabee: “Mormons are as untrustworthy as a Mexican.”

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Hey, Chris Matthews is doing the MC duties. Shouldn’t they get a Republican or something. Anyway, here we go. We’re watching on MSNBC right now, because it’s not on any other channel. For some reason we thought this was on ABC, but here in LA the ABC station is just showing the shitty local news — which means, PARIS HILTON ON TRIAL. Anyway, it’s apparently MSNBC.

* There’s Nancy with Arnold. He must be having a reverse mid-life crisis, running around with an elderly Reagan gal and leaving his middle-aged Kennedy wife at home.
* Thank god for that kid’s dorm-room interview with Ron Paul — now we know what he looks like!
* Romney is dressed as John Travolta dressed as a space monster from Scientology! Ha ha, that is not totally true.
* Remarkable amount of bald heads and bald spots up there. None of those people will be president, ever.
* Also, so short! Here is one thing about Ronald Reagan: Tall, full head of hair.

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About an hour from RIGHT NOW (6:47 p.m. Eastern Time) we will begin our exclusive live liveblogging of the Screamin’ Geezer Wrasslin’ Tournament. But we won’t actually be at the debate, because that would be pointless and Simi Valley is about nine hours away in afternoon traffic. So join us for a worldwide global-a-go-go TeeVee Party. (Now is a good time to run by the liquor store. That, in fact, is what we’re doing as soon as we post this.)