Wonkette

New York Post writer Kyle Smith steps into the political monkey cage with a piece comparing sentorian slackjaw Fred Thompson with Kramer from Seinfeld. We presume Thompson will now commence hating on the blacks. But before all that, take a moment to ponder the high-grade, uncut aimless buffoonery: MORE »

Extreme Mortman bravely brought our attention to last night’s “Larry King Live,” which is apparently still being broadcast on CNN. After reading and re-reading the excerpt about “weird mustard” (wasabi) and “green stuff there” (chives) and “peas” (capers), we had to go waste 15 minutes going through the entire absurd transcript, just to bring you this priceless exchange from the end of the program: MORE »

John WALNUTS! McCain isn’t just going to lose the GOP nomination, he’s going to lose his Senate seat, too!

The Arizona senator will lose to popular Democrat Governor Janet Napolitano, according to the Arizona Republic. This will happen in 2010, so you can put this in Microsoft Outlook or whatever and not really think about it, ever again.

Napolitano popularity soars in poll [AZ Central]

Actual official exchange between senators Ted Kennedy and Byron Dorgan, yesterday:

KENNEDY: “I would like the chicken pluckers to pay $10 or $15 an hour. They do not do it. They are not going to do it. Who are you trying to kid? Who is the Senator from North Dakota trying to fool?” (Sen. Ted Kennedy, Congressional Record, S.6452, 05/22/07)

DORGAN: “Mr. President, let me stand up and say a word on behalf of chicken pluckers. I had no idea that was the debate. But they will never get $15 an hour as long as we bring in cheap labor through the back door to pluck chickens.” (Sen. Dorgan, Congressional Record, S.6452, 05/22/07)

There’s surely something going on here — we suspect it’s about paying people a decent wage for awful jobs like preparing the corpses of chickens for human consumption — but there’s also a pretty good chance they’re both insane. Dorgan, for example, seems to believe he is responding to President Bush and not Teddy Kennedy. (This is the same Byron Dorgan last seen threatening to personally kill all the prairie dogs.) Kennedy has apparently confused the laborers with the companies that sell chicken, and according to ABC News was also “red-faced and gesticulating toward Dorgan” and “continued to howl at Dorgan.” MORE »

Wonkette commenter BlinkyThe3EyedFish came up with a pretty great drinking game for tonight. Maybe there really is hope for America!

Oh, and before we get to the game (after the jump), here are the actual details for tonight’s thrilling episode of “Grumpy Old Men: The Series.” The debate starts at 8 p.m. Washington time, 5 p.m. Los Angeles time. In order to remind the audience that it’s a presidential debate and not just a bunch of senile old guys talking about their cancer surgeries, there will be a large prop behind the geezers: Air Force One. A total of 10 white Republican men will take part, with about seven of them anxious to be the night’s “Mike Gravel.” Courtesy of Mitt Romney, all candidates will have to be tested on the E-meter for excess Thetans.

OK, let’s make our list for the liquor store ….

MORE »