Bush Fixes Economy Whines About Congress
Tuesday, April 29th, 2008
Dorkus W. Dildo had a press conference today, in his garden. He is very rich and has an entire hospital to attend to him and bombs anything that makes him confused and no matter what crime he does, he never gets sent to prison, so he is exactly like ordinary poor Americans like you. Bush Junior has heard about how maybe the “economic” is a problem, so he told those losers who still have to act like he’s important — you know, the White House correspondents — that he “figured out” what was wrong and guess what, it’s Congress, which has Democrats. MORE »
Here are some cheery housing numbers, as the 
From the New York Times to the, uh, New York Sun, newspapers are reporting the hot new American trend: survivalism. The NYT was 
Thanks to Martin Luther King Jr.’s stand for economic justice and his resulting assassination which provided U.S. markets with a holiday from the global economic collapse, Wall Street didn’t get hit again until this morning. And by “Wall Street,” we mean your 401k, 403b, IRA, access to basic business or consumer credit, income, value of your house, and value of your young children’s labor (selling apples down on Main Street by the Starbucks soup kitchen). But don’t worry, because Ben Bernanke and his Federal Reserve superheroes just did an emergency interest rate cut. Head over to the PayDay Loan joint and pick up a case of Cristal! 
If you’re freaked out over oil topping $90 a barrel for the first time in history, maybe this will add some depressing historical perspective: Oil topped $100 per barrel at another grim point in U.S. history when George Bush was first running for president and America’s imperial troubles in Iran and Iraq threatened our precious oil supply from the Persian Gulf — in 1980! 
Some little hipster clarinet player from NYU is claiming the Iraq invasion and occupation was all about securing oil supplies for America. Oh and what is that sticking out of Jazzbo Al’s tattered raincoat? A worn paperback of Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged,” which he actually first read when she was writing it, when he was screwing some gal in Rand’s “inner circle” and writing angry letters to the New York Times about how “parasites who persistently avoid either purpose or reason 
A shocking new study by the Pew Research Center proves that Americans overwhelmingly identify themselves as Democrats today — 50% compared to 35% who say they’re Republicans. And they’re increasingly weary of religion, religious conservatives, stagnant and shrinking wages, income inequality and the sad toil of their miserable lives. 