This New Depression has gotten off to a swimming start! Now that nobody has any homes or monies or televisions and the election is almost over, there will be no news anymore, so ABC News is instituting some DRACONIAN cost-cutting measures. No holiday parties, no more “paying for meals for impoverished tech crews on location” type nonsense, and freelancers are seeing their hours cut cut cut. MORE »

Oh boy howdy this has been a bunch of yammering interspersed with Tom Brokaw complaining about how long the yammering has been going on. Did you miss some of this important blah de blah? Well here they are in serial fashion: Part I, Part II, Part III, and that brings us to Part IV. If this were Star Wars, we’d just be getting to the good stuff. For example, after the jump you will find a little clip of John McCain calling Barack Obama “that one.” Now onward, onward. MORE »

Hmm so yes, this is what it’s come to: our national financial crisis was predicted by a comic book movie about a villain with a lumpy white sliced-up face. This mashup of George Bush’s sad address from last night and Heath Ledger’s bravura performance as an insane person with drymouth is dreadfully offensive to the beautiful legacy of The Joker, who would have suspended the filming of his movie in order to tend to the nation’s business in Washington DC. Also why isn’t Sarah Palin running around in a neoprene cat suit listing the regulatory accomplishments of her running mate? Fail. [YouTube]

It’s time for an old-fashioned “fireside chat,” minus the fire, and minus the comforting voice of paternal buddy Franklin “FDR” Roosevelt. Instead, that one guy will be rolled out this evening, Bush Junior. He will awkwardly read from a teleprompter about the dire economic situation and how those lousy Dems better back Paulson’s $700 billion Wall Street bailout. And then America can laugh again, at this dildo who can’t even read. [Fox News]

If you own a house, it’s now worth negative nothing. If you’re a renter, your landlord is probably already in foreclosure and you will soon be homeless. Got some investments, maybe a 401k or whatever? You really don’t even want to look. Got one of those fancy jobs with benefits and health care and such? You will soon be unemployed, living in a Hobo Jungle down by the railroad tracks in the darkness on the edge of town. Happy Monday, everybody! But how can you blame this on McCain and his boyfriend George W. Bush? MORE »

You know what we haven’t done in a while, due to fatigue or nerves or hangovers or whatever it’s called? A Comment of the Day, that’s what! Let’s do one right now, and honor Mr. or Mrs. NebraskashireGentry for this smart economic advice in response to our tragic 4 a.m. Great Depression II post. MORE »

We seem to be having some economic problems. Los Angeles billionaire Eli Broad (the “B” in KB Homes) tells Bloomberg that “this is worse than any recession we’ve had since World War II.” Bloomberg editors noted, on Friday, that U.S. stock declines hadn’t been so lousy since June of 1930, during that Great Depression. Ah, hell …. MORE »

Barack Obama is on an economics campaign tour this week, traveling to various sad places to let people know there’s still hope, but not really. Today, for example, Obama visits Flint, Michigan — the ruined auto-factory town that primarily serves as a backdrop for sad economic speeches, ever since Michael Moore destroyed the once-prosperous city to make a point. But not all the Economy News is gloomy! Read our fun list and find out why! MORE »

The Dow is down 370 points (2.5%) while the NASDAQ and S&P500 make similar terrible plunges, unemployment shot up the most since 1986, oil hit $138 and gasoline costs $4.50 a gallon at the start of summer, teen-age unemployment hasn’t been this bad since 1948, the housing collapse is really just beginning, foreclosures are at another new record high, even 3.5% of “prime” mortgages are now heading into default, and the dollar is worth a mumbled “Fuck you” in French. Things are looking up! MORE »

That 0.6% bit of economic growth in the first quarter of 2008 was just the pathetic result of $3.50-a-gallon gasoline, but there is one sector of the U.S. economy that’s truly booming: Desperate Americans are selling off their last possessions on Craigslist and other online flea-market sites, just so they can buy a little food and gas. MORE »

The big news today shows that we are not — as every politician says — in a recession after all! A “recession,” of course, is defined by two consecutive quarters of negative GDP growth. And in Q1 2008, the American economy grew by 0.6%, just as it did in Q4 2007. Take that you Liberals; you and your wretched Doomsday scenarios! Sure, the actual Great New Depression may only be starting right now and lasting another 50 years. But for right now, George Bush ‘n’ Tax Cuts have saved the economy again! [AP/Breitbart]