Tag Archives: depression

  The Human Torch Was Denied A Bank Loan

Former Fed Chair Ben Bernanke Denied Refinanced Mortgage Like Common Poor

You're getting your poverty on us, Ben
The next time you see Ben Bernanke and he’s all like, “Bro, could you spot me five bucks, bro?” do NOT spot him five bucks, bro, because Bernanke ain’t good for it. That’s not our opinion, it’s the opinion of an as-yet-unnamed financial institution, at least if you take Bernanke’s word for it. Read more on Former Fed Chair Ben Bernanke Denied Refinanced Mortgage Like Common Poor…
  Shazbot!

Robin Williams Probably Consorted With Demons, Says WND In Touching Memorial Ad

Robin Williams conjures a demon, or throws a gang sign maybe.
It’s kind of beautiful how, in the midst of tragedy, some people can calmly assess the situation and find a way to make things just a little shittier. Consider the great minds at conspiracy wackaloon hub WND, who took the occasion of Robin William’s suicide to pimp DVDs about the Satanic influence of pop culture. Read more on Robin Williams Probably Consorted With Demons, Says WND In Touching Memorial Ad…
  a site can dream can't it?

LifeNews Fap Fantasy Time: Let’s Just Say Robin Williams Killed Himself Over Abortion

Did you get your fill of people being terrible (hi, Rush Limbaugh!) and using Robin Williams’s death for their own means (lookin’ at you, douche-y Minnesota GOP guy!) yesterday? Haha too bad because we are going to cram even more terrible down your throat, because that is how we do. We’re like the opposite of a public service, basically, so let’s check in on the horrible people who think that maybe Robin Williams killed himself because of abortion. Yep, abortion. Read more on LifeNews Fap Fantasy Time: Let’s Just Say Robin Williams Killed Himself Over Abortion…
  Or Maybe Hillary Did It

Rush Limbaugh Diagnoses Robin Williams: ‘Political Leftist’ Values Made Him Kill Himself

Actual quote.
Dr. Rush Limbaugh, noted pharmaceuticals expert, had some thoughts on the death of Robin Williams today, and he figured out that it had less to do with depression than with Hollywood’s politics. You see, Williams, like all other liberals, was just a really sad person who hated America, unlike happy jolly conservatives such as the joy-filled Ben Shapiro or the ever-mirthful Limbaugh himself. Read more on Rush Limbaugh Diagnoses Robin Williams: ‘Political Leftist’ Values Made Him Kill Himself…
  clipbait

Manic Space Genius Robin Williams (1951-2014) Burns Out Fuse Up There Alone

Don't have to Nanu-nanu any more
Robin Williams killed himself (probably) yesterday, and it’s got us sorting through a big messy box of pop culture memories. Yr Doktor Zoom is pretty sure that Williams’s first standup album, Reality…What a Concept, was the subject of theĀ first review he ever wrote for his high school paper — Williams’ comedy struck us as even funnier than Steve Martin at the time, and Steve Martin was pretty much God to us back then (and how is it that the Martin and Williams version of Waiting For Godot never made it to video?). Even on that first album, Williams made it very clear he didn’t want to be limited by a single role: when he asks for a topic for a Shakespeare play, the audience starts calling out “Mork!” Williams mock-pleads, “We’re not doing that tonight, man! No, no — I’m free from that, Massa Bob! No, don’t have to ‘Nanu’ for a while!” And when the chants of “Mork! Mork! Mork” start, he breaks out of the comedy bit — as much as he ever did, at least — and puts his foot down: “Wait, time out! I have to explain one thing. I ain’t doing Mork because this is why I perform here: to do something different.” The cheers to that must have been a huge relief for him. Read more on Manic Space Genius Robin Williams (1951-2014) Burns Out Fuse Up There Alone…
  it's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!

Prepare Yourself: We Have Come Unstuck In Time

Well look at what we went and did! We plum forgot to do a Links post for Happy for the last three days, for which the responsible parties will be sought out and disparaged. (Rebecca’s pretty sure it was Dok, Dok’s pretty sure it was Rebecca, and Sara was living the High Life in Vegas but is now preparing to go to a Shamanic Healing Workshop or some such.) And so, let’s see what we need to catch you up on! WEDNESDAY! Sara is still freaked out by a Shakespears Sister video flashback from childhood. We explained that you can actually enjoy Las Vegas without gambling, drinking, paying for sex, or using any of the survival supplies from a B-52 bomber. We brought you a guide to throwing the best bachelorette party ever. Dan took a break from the World Cup to look at just how awful Donald Sterling has been during his court case (spoiler: pretty awful). And Kaili, to no one’s surprise, was Mad About A Thing, in this case, spineless Democrats who compromise on women’s healthcare coverage. Read more on Prepare Yourself: We Have Come Unstuck In Time…
  that's some catch

Now Teabaggers Must Love Bowe Bergdahl, Because He Was Just ‘Going Galt’

A big story in the Washington Post indicates that U.S. Army guy Bowe Bergdahl had some possibly serious mental issues that may have contributed to his walking off his base in 2009, and possibly should have kept him from even enlisting in the first place. And we are talking about serious mental issues besides his newly exposed love for Ayn Rand and desire to Go Galt. Read more on Now Teabaggers Must Love Bowe Bergdahl, Because He Was Just ‘Going Galt’…
  maybe time for a quiet room

Romney To Students: Just Borrow $20 Thousand From Your Parents And Be An Entrepreneur!

Oh Mitt. Mittele. Bubbeh. Have you ever considered just not talking? Here you are, acting as a human Sominex, and telling an inspirational story about your buddy Jimmy John, and how he had a great idea for a business, so he just borrowed $20,000 from his parents, and the rest was history! Are you old enough to remember when George H.W. Bush, well into his only term, had a photo op at a grocery store and was wowed by the electric scanner the checker was using? That was considered “out of touch” back then even though it maybe wasn’t very fair to expect POTUS to do his own grocery shopping. But here, Der Mittenmonster really seems to believe that everybody’s got 20 large lying around to pump into their kids’ hot app idea or weed delivery service. You’d think he would know better, since he’s been unceasingly slagging Bammerz for causing the US to go into such a terrible Depression by having been president from 2000 to 2008. Maybe Romney thinks “Depression” means the poor only have $30 big in checking? If you’re in financial difficulties, fellows, may I suggest cutting the chauffeur to part time, and perhaps R&Ring in Palm Beach instead of the Maldives? Oh well. Let us all eat horsey cake. Read more on Romney To Students: Just Borrow $20 Thousand From Your Parents And Be An Entrepreneur!…
  sad sack

Is Barack Obama As Depressed As the Economy? NYT Supposedly Investigating

Here is a fourth-hand political gossip rumor: Barack Obama has got the depression, bad. Why? According to Gawker’s John Cook, the New York Times “is preparing a story arguing that Obama no longer finds joy in the political back-and-forth, has seemed increasingly listless to associates, and is generally exhibiting the litany of signs that late-night cable commercials will tell you add up to depression.” Read more on Is Barack Obama As Depressed As the Economy? NYT Supposedly Investigating…
  the poor stay poor the rich get rich

Americans Confident the Economy Will Be Horrible Forever

Wow, things out there are really bleak. Just how dismal is the economy? According to some poll CNN has apparently been conducting since 1997, most people in this country are pretty sure that everything is terrible, nothing will ever get better, and America is doomed to forever be varying degrees of “poor.” Read more on Americans Confident the Economy Will Be Horrible Forever…
  it's morning in america

U.S. Military Preparing For ‘Humanitarian’ Intervention In Libya

The Pentagon has announced that it is “repositioning” U.S. war ships, aircraft and “nearly 2,000 Marines” in the Mediterranean Sea, to “provide for flexibility [when we invade Libya].” According to America’s top diplomat Hillary Clinton, the United States and its aircraft carriers believe that “there will be the need for support for humanitarian intervention. We also know that there will probably, unfortunately, be the need for rescue missions.” It’s also very unfortunate that the U.N. Security Council’s recent sanctions against Libya include a bizarre clause which grants immunity from war crime prosecutions to all Security Council-authorized interventions in Libya. Haha, so yeah, this authorized intervention could be “a friendly U.N. peacekeeping force, sent to distribute hobo beans and bottled water.” It could also be “2,000+ Marines providing cover fire while Navy SEALs rescue the oil fields, Mission Accomplished.” (We report, you decide!) Support the Troops, Remember the Maine, Loose Lips Sink Ships, Blah Blah Blah, War Forever. [McClatchy/Reuters] Read more on U.S. Military Preparing For ‘Humanitarian’ Intervention In Libya… Read more on U.S. Military Preparing For ‘Humanitarian’ Intervention In Libya…
  tri-state killing sprees

America Entering Depression-Style Crime Wave

How many American workers are really unemployed in this third year of our Great Recession? About 26 million people. That includes those still looking for jobs, people forced into part-time work and the many millions who’ve just given up. Considering the actual “workforce” of the United States is about 140 million people total — the other 170 million are presumably too old, young or disabled to even try — this means about 20% of “workers” are now desperate drifters ready to kill anybody for any reason at all. Let’s check out some of this week’s high-profile hard-boiled tri-state killin’ sprees! Read more on America Entering Depression-Style Crime Wave…
  sorry come back later

Babies Cancelled Due To Recession

Citizens are taking extreme measures to ensure that they do not bring children into the stinking heap of decaying credit default swaps and sudden mortgage death that used to be called “America.” They are getting abortions and vasectomies all over the place, constantly, and tying tubes of every sort, even useless ones, like the ones in your ears. What does this mean for our next generation of leaders? They will grow up in uncrowded schools, with plenty to eat, provided they survive the current apocalypse. [Reuters] Read more on Babies Cancelled Due To Recession…
  sound financial strategies

Richard Burr Encouraged Wife To Perform Single-Family Bank Run

North Carolinians, did you know your only national senator besides godless Kay Hagan is some guy who wanted his wife to withdraw his family’s entire savings from his local bank one ATM transaction at a time? If everyone had done this back in September, maybe we really could have had a good old-fashioned Depressiony bank run like in olden times. Read more on Richard Burr Encouraged Wife To Perform Single-Family Bank Run…
  nostalgia porn

In Olden Times People Didn’t Need BlackBerrys, Or Bailouts

Back in the day when people printed out the Internet every morning and handed the “House & Garden” section to their wives while they perused the latest news from Cuba, life was fine. Then the BlackBerry Machine came slithering out of Hell’s bowels and ruined everything, the end. This is the premise from which every Richard Cohen column proceeds. But hark, what about the days before the Internet, when Europe was riven by two World Wars and Jews had to flee horrible genocide and American citizens could expect to live out their “golden years” (age 35 onward) in abject poverty? Those times were truly great, because people were self-reliant. Read more on In Olden Times People Didn’t Need BlackBerrys, Or Bailouts…