Oh Mitt. Mittele. Bubbeh. Have you ever considered just not talking? Here you are, acting as a human Sominex, and telling an inspirational story about your buddy Jimmy John, and how he had a great idea for a business, so he just borrowed $20,000 from his parents, and the rest was history! Are you old […]

Here is a fourth-hand political gossip rumor: Barack Obama has got the depression, bad. Why? According to Gawker’s John Cook, the New York Times “is preparing a story arguing that Obama no longer finds joy in the political back-and-forth, has seemed increasingly listless to associates, and is generally exhibiting the litany of signs that late-night […]

Wow, things out there are really bleak. Just how dismal is the economy? According to some poll CNN has apparently been conducting since 1997, most people in this country are pretty sure that everything is terrible, nothing will ever get better, and America is doomed to forever be varying degrees of “poor.” In all, 59 […]

The Pentagon has announced that it is “repositioning” U.S. war ships, aircraft and “nearly 2,000 Marines” in the Mediterranean Sea, to “provide for flexibility [when we invade Libya].” According to America’s top diplomat Hillary Clinton, the United States and its aircraft carriers believe that “there will be the need for support for humanitarian intervention. We […]

How many American workers are really unemployed in this third year of our Great Recession? About 26 million people. That includes those still looking for jobs, people forced into part-time work and the many millions who’ve just given up. Considering the actual “workforce” of the United States is about 140 million people total — the […]

Citizens are taking extreme measures to ensure that they do not bring children into the stinking heap of decaying credit default swaps and sudden mortgage death that used to be called “America.” They are getting abortions and vasectomies all over the place, constantly, and tying tubes of every sort, even useless ones, like the ones […]

North Carolinians, did you know your only national senator besides godless Kay Hagan is some guy who wanted his wife to withdraw his family’s entire savings from his local bank one ATM transaction at a time? If everyone had done this back in September, maybe we really could have had a good old-fashioned Depressiony bank […]

Back in the day when people printed out the Internet every morning and handed the “House & Garden” section to their wives while they perused the latest news from Cuba, life was fine. Then the BlackBerry Machine came slithering out of Hell’s bowels and ruined everything, the end. This is the premise from which every […]

Hey you squawking dingleberries on the cable teevee news? Are you aware there was a Stock Market Rally today? The S&P shot up 4%, which is … about a 10% “” from the October collapse? Still! Anyway, obviously, this presidency is in dire shape, what with a very popular new president and all, so let’s […]

Oh heavens, Madame Peggy Noonan, princess of the Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, has journeyed outside her loft again: “A moment last Monday, just after noon, in Manhattan. It’s slightly overcast, not cold, a good day for walking. I’m in the 90s on Fifth heading south, enjoying the broad avenue, the trees, the wide cobblestone […]

House Republican Eric Cantor responded to some of his critics with the most verboten of language, a sinful technical foul of our Constitution that just last month forced beloved Rod Blagoveich to perform for mercy on the David Letterman program. [HuffPost] Another reprehensible instance of GOTCHA!-prepared-statement-giving-to-the-editorial-board-of-a-newspaper from the so-called “MSM”: Steve Austria, the Republican Kaiser […]

DEATH  4:24 pm February 3, 2009

by Jim Newell

WE HEAR TACO BELL IS HIRING??: More lovely news from the American automotive industry, formerly a shining light of this rich nation’s manufacturing sector, and now simply a bunch of commies: “NEW YORK – General Motors Corp. will offer buyouts to all of its hourly employees, a spokesman confirmed Tuesday, as the troubled automaker continues […]

Hey people cheer up! Your Nate Silver, that mathbot you all loved so much until the election was over, has persisted with his math and numbers to this very day. Most of the time he just worries about that whole boring sordid Franken/Coleman mess in Wasilla. But maybe because Depression reporting is such a “hot […]

THE BEGINNING  5:59 pm December 17, 2008

by Jim Newell

UGH: “DETROIT — Chrysler says it will close all 30 of its manufacturing plants for a month starting Friday.” It’ll be like a vacation for auto workers, except they won’t travel anywhere and will enter poverty. We just couldn’t afford that $14 billion loan! [AP]

The New York Times‘ Nobel laureate beardclown Paul Krugman has quite a Keynes Boner in this morning’s column. He wants the Obama administration to flood as much money as possible into the government and not to be dandies about Debt. You know that famous socialist president FDR? Well he was a pussy: “One of these […]