Since this news headline alone goes above and beyond our joke-per-post quota, we’ll leave it at that. As soon as we determine the nature of this oil sex — as in, was it consensual middle-management heterosexual sex or was it, say, Republican big shots ass-raping young male slaves? — we will decide whether or not to keep covering it. Any Interior Department staffers want to clue us in? UPDATE: It seems like heterosexual sex, boo. But was it vaginal? [AP/KTVU]

Need to teach tolerance at your workplace? Try Diversity Beans! What the hell are those, you ask? We’ll let Jelly the Pan-African Bean explain:

What kind of horrible corporate hell of a workplace would order a bunch of gelatinous orbs to impart an idiotic lesson in dimestore multiculturalism? Why, your Department of the Interior, of course, who (according to an adamantly intolerant source close to a DoI employee) will soon be foisting the Diversity Bean upon employees at your expense ($6/lb of beans, $10/lesson plan, $17.50/candy jar, etc.). MORE »

* Given how badly it treats the bison, the Interior Department should pick a new symbol. We suggest Halliburton. [PEER] MORE »

Remember Dirk Kempthore? The new guy at the Department of the Interior? Oh, you know, the one with the sham marriage and long-time mistress (Yeah, we know we misidentified Kempthorne in that picture — we’ll fix it later). Right, that one. Yeah, he’ll be livin’ it up bachelor-stylee once he hits the District: MORE »

Here is a picture of the President with people who have names like “Dirk” and “Butch Otter” and “Spuddy Buddy.” MORE »