Wonkette

Karl Rove ignored a subpeona and skipped a House Judiciary Committee hearing this morning because he had “prior commitments” or somesuch. Rumor has it the commitments involved corn cobs, a tank of nitrous, and one very lucky goat on a Sicilian hillside, which naturally took precedence over this little attorney-firing selective prosecution [so many Justice Deparment scandals to keep track of! -- Ed.] flap. [Think Progress, YouTube]

Everyone’s favorite ex-Justice Department lady exterminator, Monica Goodling, may have fired some gal in 2006 for being a thoroughgoing LESBIAN. The DoJ’s inspector general is investigating this allegation, among others, in the never-ending U.S. Attorneys Firing Scandal investigation. As you may have heard, Monica Goodling recently got engaged to some guy from RedState, our frienemy in the War on Paultards. But does he know that before getting engaged, this very same Goodling was going around firing LESBIANS everywhere? MORE »

Oh blessed occasion! Monica Goodling, the former Justice Department liaison to the White House and blonde temptress who brought you the DoJ attorney firing scandal, has found herself a man to marry. What lucky fellow will be her solemn and eternal co-husband, along with Alberto Gonzales and Jesus? His identity revealed, after the jump! MORE »

It is apparently very, very lucrative to be one of two Attorney Generals to have presided over the biggest erosion of civil liberties in America since we put Japanese-Americans in internment camps! These days, former AG Ashcroft is a lawyer in a private consulting firm, but many of his minions from the good old days are still at Justice. And one of those minions, U.S. Attorney Christopher Christie in New Jersey, might’ve done John a little, tiny $1 million/month favor. But, what’s a little cash between friends?

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After a number of press conferences in which he was uncomfortably photographed underneath a statue of a naked woman, John Ashcroft ordered the offensive titties covered up during his tenure. One of Gonzo’s first acts in office was to restore the breasts to their former naked glory. Yesterday, at new Attorney General Michael Mukasey’s swearing-in ceremony, Ashcroft was reunited with his nemesis. This is what we imagine it probably looked like. [Washington Post]

Jack Goldsmith is some guy who used to work at the DOJ, and so, natch, he’s got a book coming out. It’s called something like “Why I’m a Good Conservative and Not an Evil One” or something like that. The New York Times published an excerpt today, and OMG, is it boring? This is supposed to be the juiciest stuff from the forthcoming remainder-bin mold-gatherer, and all we get is this: MORE »

The city of Albuquerque, New Mexico settled a lawsuit with the Justice Department in 2004 over racial discrimination against a group of anonymous American Indians. DoJ sent out a letter to Gallup residents this week informing them that their last day to call for a portion of the settlement was fast approaching. It included a phone number at the bottom to call Justice to stake a claim. This is Wonkette, so you can guess what happened next. MORE »

So it’s White House vs. Congress vs. Justice, with the media sort of egging all the sides on, and this looks like Congress actually won, for once. Which surprises us as much as it surprises you. MORE »

Despite denials from the Department of Justice, ABC News is standing by its story that House Speaker Dennis Hastert is “in the mix” of the FBI investigation into congressional corruption. ABC quotes anonymous “law enforcement sources,” including a “senior official” who told ABC, “You guys wrote the story very carefully, but they are not reading it very carefully.”

Who is ABC’s source? This person is in law enforcement, but apparently not at the DoJ proper (in which case he would probably be referred to as a “Justice Department official”).

After the jump, some ruminations from us.

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We didn’t have too many takers for our guessing game item asking which “senior Justice Department official,” as quoted in Eric Lichtblau’s NYT article, told the Senate Judiciary Committee to take a hike with respect to the NSA eavesdropping-related documents. MORE »

Today’s item involves “a senior Justice Department official,” quoted in Eric Lichtblau’s New York Times article, Senate Panel Rebuffed on Documents on U.S. Spying. Lichtblau writes: MORE »