Wonkette

* Barbara Mikulski and Patrick Leahy tell Alberto Gonzales not to speak until spoken too. [WP, NYT]
* Josh Bolten is just as conservative, but way smarter than any Texan. [WP]
* Put your guns in the ground Mitt Romney, you can’t use them anymore. [WP, NYT]
* Oh, that Adam Putnam, such a wily young ginger. [WP]
* The Nantucket and Cape Cod summer crowds steal Agriculture Department money meant for people in legitimately poor, rural areas. [WP]
* Bitter about your student loans? You should be. [NYT]
* David Brody isn’t blogging for Pat Robertson, he’s blogging for Jesus. [LAT]

* President Bush leaves Mexico after a few good burritos but no agreements on immigration. [NYT]
* Al G gets a show of support from President Bush, says “booyakasha” to that punk bitch John Sununu. [WP, NYT]
* Khalid Shaikh Mohammed confesses to that thing everybody knows he did. [WP, NYT, LAT, USAT]
* Iraq debate in Senate gives Joe Biden gas. [NYT]
* John McCain tries to get his campaign to only suck at the level it sucked in 2000. [WP]
* Republicans consider leaving behind No Child Left Behind. [WP]
* 2008 candidates keenly aware of the importance of pandering to fire fighters. [WP]
* Members of Congress can listen to Stevie Wonder, but they’ll never hear him. [WP]

Education Secretary (and Jeopardy loser) Margaret Spellings: MORE »

• It’s never a bad week when Education Department press releases sound like the hottest porno movie you’ve ever seen.

• George Allen proves he’s not as dumb we think, cause he knows all the dirty bill introduction tactics.
• Allen’s drive and power to lead come from his heroic American God complex, as captured in oil and displayed, fifty feet long, in his terrifying (we assume) home.
• Angry old flyover state cause du jour is a boycott of Miller beer because of the “money” they “donated” to Mexican American charities. Malkin involved, obviously, so whole thing bound to be forgotten by Monday.
• ABC News stores genuine bullshit dangerously close to the Capitol.
• Anderson Cooper’s hoping his bedroom eyes will distract you from the fact that he’s been sent to personally kill Castro.
• In an attempt to get more Benjamins, Target screws up its Franklins. Though a genuine FDR “action” figure would surely sell like hotcakes too.
• Katherine Harris wins her primary, just like we knew she would. And victory is sweet, so sweet.
• We didn’t make it to Katy’s party, not that we were invited, but we did get to this one, and we still haven’t washed Chris Matthews’ or Tim Russert’s handshakes off.
• Please take some time from your busy September 11th anniversary planning, and think about some stuff no one else will tell you.

“…and a little lady.”

Federal Government announces new grant program for science, math, and language students, then conveniently leaves off evolutionary biology from list of eligible majors. The Chronicle of Higher Education is there! MORE »