Department of Defense
What Is Old Man McCain Yelling At Clouds Today?
Oh, WALNUTS. You are yelling again. YES OR NO. YES OR NO. I ASKED YOU A DIRECT QUESTION. YES OR NO. You’ve got to stop it. It is not good for your chakras.
Senate Republicans To Swift Boat John Kerry All Over Again, For Larfs
So Hillary Clinton is going to leave the State Department some day, and on that day the Great Impostor is going to need to find someone to replace her. Who else has the kind of 24-hour energy, common sense, and danciness to replace her? Maybe Ellen? No, not Ellen, Ellen can’t get through the Senate, [...]
U.S. Army Rejecting 80% of Kids For Being Dumb Obese Criminals
A sad new study makes that whole “DREAM Act” defeat a little more tragic: More than 80% of Americans trying to join the Army can’t meet the very low minimum requirements. The first 75% gets immediately disqualified “because they are physically unfit, have a criminal record or didn’t graduate high school.” That second pool is [...]
America’s Bedbug Infestation Requires Military Intervention
Bedbugs! They’re destroying Freedom & Liberty even faster than Debbie Riddle and terror babies combined. In Ohio and several other states, the critters have become so unruly that local governments are calling on the feds — including the Department of Defense — to help find a solution.
Future Robot Mind-War Apocalypse
Just when you think the Department of Defense is too busy with actually physically bombing things to worry about nutty mind-control schemes or mosquito assassins, they come out with another freaky report that gives a dark and terrifying glimpse into a future of warfare featuring insanity-inducing drugs, brain-scanning, and “distributed human-machine systems.” In other words, [...]
Undersecretary of Defense Did Nothing Wrong, Undersecretary of Defense Finds
Daily Briefing: Inspecting The Caviar Enrichment Facilities Instead
Remainders: AUS! AUS! AUS! AUS!
When Will the Military Properly Classify “Loving Too Much”?
Metro Section: There Is No Spoon
Remainders: Bullets First!
Remainders: The Tin-Foil Hat Culture
Remainders: Irony is the New Gray
Seriously, Is It Even Possible To Be Fired From DoD?
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