Tag Archives: Department of Defense

  A Crock O' Shit Now

In Pentagon’s Special Vietnam History, Everything Was Beautiful And Nothing Hurt

America: Kept Safe By Being The World's Policeman
2015 is the 50th anniversary of the American deployment of ground troops to Vietnam — oh, sure, there were “advisors” well before that, but March 8, 1965 was when we first sent in 3,500 Marines. And to mark the anniversary, the Pentagon has set up a really cool website, at the cost of a mere $15 million, which aims to honor veterans and commemorate their service. The site also prominently features an educational section whose goal is to Read more on In Pentagon’s Special Vietnam History, Everything Was Beautiful And Nothing Hurt…
  sucks to be you

Obama Taps Some Nerd To Babysit Wars For Next Two Years

Some guy, who knows?
Ever since the White House told Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel to GTFO, pretty much every potential replacement for the job has been busy shouting “Not it!” Because really, what sane person would want the thankless job of overseeing our various international clusterfucks? After, that is, undergoing what would inevitably be an excruciating confirmation process with the soon-to-be Republican-controlled Senate, who will oppose anyone nominated by Obama because ugh, Obama. Heck, even the Senate Republicans were none too thrilled when the president nominated Chuck Hagel, who had been one of them because ugh, Obama. Read more on Obama Taps Some Nerd To Babysit Wars For Next Two Years…
  jill kelley for dod obvs

Senate Republicans To Swift Boat John Kerry All Over Again, For Larfs

So Hillary Clinton is going to leave the State Department some day, and on that day the Great Impostor is going to need to find someone to replace her. Who else has the kind of 24-hour energy, common sense, and danciness to replace her? Maybe Ellen? No, not Ellen, Ellen can’t get through the Senate, because she loves muff. But everybody has been talking about former total loser John Kerry for State, ever since he gave that DNC speech that was hilarious and did not suck, but now they are saying no, not State because that is where Susan Rice will lose her confirmation vote instead, but rather the Department of Defense instead, we guess? Because the Washington Post said so, and the Washington Post is the White House’s “draft email folder” for sending Congress sexts. Read more on Senate Republicans To Swift Boat John Kerry All Over Again, For Larfs…
  new study proves it

U.S. Army Rejecting 80% of Kids For Being Dumb Obese Criminals

A sad new study makes that whole “DREAM Act” defeat a little more tragic: More than 80% of Americans trying to join the Army can’t meet the very low minimum requirements. The first 75% gets immediately disqualified “because they are physically unfit, have a criminal record or didn’t graduate high school.” That second pool is then given a very basic test — a question supposedly on the test is “If 2 plus x equals 4, what is the value of x?” And more than 23% flunk it. If the “DREAM Act” was basically a way to import some higher quality recruits for our doomed foreign wars, just as the Roman Empire had to eventually hire the barbarians to protect the frontiers from other barbarians, then the legislative defeat of that new policy probably means we can skip the centuries of pathetic decline and just go straight to hunting rats in the street, for Christmas presents. Read more on U.S. Army Rejecting 80% of Kids For Being Dumb Obese Criminals…
  War on Bugs

America’s Bedbug Infestation Requires Military Intervention

Bedbugs! They’re destroying Freedom & Liberty even faster than Debbie Riddle and terror babies combined. In Ohio and several other states, the critters have become so unruly that local governments are calling on the feds — including the Department of Defense — to help find a solution. Read more on America’s Bedbug Infestation Requires Military Intervention…
  your brain is an empty pill box

Future Robot Mind-War Apocalypse

Just when you think the Department of Defense is too busy with actually physically bombing things to worry about nutty mind-control schemes or mosquito assassins, they come out with another freaky report that gives a dark and terrifying glimpse into a future of warfare featuring insanity-inducing drugs, brain-scanning, and “distributed human-machine systems.” In other words, just a day in the life of Cindy McCain, wife of the world’s oldest cyborg… Read more on Future Robot Mind-War Apocalypse…
 

Undersecretary of Defense Did Nothing Wrong, Undersecretary of Defense Finds

The DoD prepared a report investigating the work of the DoD’s pre-war intelligence outfit headed by Douglas Feith, the dumbest fucking guy on the planet. The result of that report? The Office of Special Plans made a lot of shit up, misled Congress, spun and abused intelligence, and didn’t break any laws. Read more on Undersecretary of Defense Did Nothing Wrong, Undersecretary of Defense Finds…
 

Remainders: The Internet Looks More Like a Golden Calf Every Day

YouTube, vloggers, and predictions for 2008 that comprise the wet dreams of the vloggerati. [James Kelm’s Home Page] New Jersey’s got debts that no honest state can pay. [Gawker] The new and improved Bill Keller: now with an army of “demi-human reporter-goons.” [Rude Pundit] Read more on Remainders: The Internet Looks More Like a Golden Calf Every Day…
 

Remainders: AUS! AUS! AUS! AUS!

* Soledad O’Brien: Wednesday’s “Hump Day Hussy.” [Evil Discussor] * Howard Kurtz thinks we are not “below reasonable standards.” It feels like a compliment, but we like to think of ourselves as having no standards. [WP] Read more on Remainders: AUS! AUS! AUS! AUS!…
 

When Will the Military Properly Classify “Loving Too Much”?

Sure, but wouldn’t that qualify as “impulse control disorders”? Above, the DOD instructions for “physical disability evaluation.” Drafted in 1996, certified as “current” in 2003. The document was found by the Center for the Study of Sexual Minorities in the Military at UC Santa Barbara, who also gave the military a report card: Read more on When Will the Military Properly Classify “Loving Too Much”?…
 

Metro Section: There Is No Spoon

* The Force is strong in you, grasshopper, but you are not a wonk’d master yet. [Unrequited Narcissism] * So you wanna be a blogger? Here’s what not to do. [Virgle Kent] Read more on Metro Section: There Is No Spoon…
 

Remainders: Bullets First!

* John Negroponte will get Bill Frist’s phone records when he pries them from his cold dead hands! [Rude Pundit] * Almost as effective as asking, “pretty please with sugar on top.” [Do Not Tap] Read more on Remainders: Bullets First!…
 

Remainders: The Tin-Foil Hat Culture

* Karl should’ve been doing Scotty’s job this whole time. Way to stonewall’em Karl! [Think Progress] * Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani outs himself ends a fatwa against gay men, though not against lesbians. [Republic of T] Read more on Remainders: The Tin-Foil Hat Culture…
 

Remainders: Irony is the New Gray

* In a simple twist of fate, Michael Moore may now begin funding anti-Michael Moore website MooreWatch, just so someone will pay attention to him. [The Mayor of Simpleton] * Apparently the Defense Department is okay with soldiers being gangsters, as long as they’re not having gang bangs. [Boozhy] Read more on Remainders: Irony is the New Gray…
 

Seriously, Is It Even Possible To Be Fired From DoD?

Above, hand-drawn directions to Donald Rumsfeld’s house, left on a table at a Dupont Starbucks by Eric Ruff two years ago (and redacted by Center for American Progress). This week, the Defense Department will name Eric Ruff their new Press Secretary. Well, from what we can see, he draws a very detailed map. Read more on Seriously, Is It Even Possible To Be Fired From DoD?…
 

They Were Just Looking for Eye Cream Recommendations

Today has really turned into “pick on the Pentagon” day around here, hasn’t it? Pentagon Admits to Surveillance of Gay Groups, Releases Documents [PageOneQ] Earlier: Pentagon To Stop Grabbing Ankles for Defense Contractors An Afternoon With Rummy: He Has No Time for These Things You Call Books Read more on They Were Just Looking for Eye Cream Recommendations…
 

Guessing Game Results: The Memo, Part 2

Last week’s guessing game involved the anonymous sources quoted in Jane Mayer’s New Yorker article about Alberto J. Mora and the stand he took against torture. Earlier today, we shared some guesses with you about two of the three sources mentioned. This item remains outstanding: Read more on Guessing Game Results: The Memo, Part 2…
 

Guessing Game Results: The Memo, Part 1

Last week, we asked for your guesses about the identities of the anonymous sources quoted in Jane Mayer’s intriguing New Yorker article about Alberto J. Mora, the former general counsel of the U.S. Navy who took a stand against what he viewed as torture of detainees. We received some interesting speculation — some of which appears after the jump. Read more on Guessing Game Results: The Memo, Part 1…