Hillary Clinton is the most orange woman alive tonight. “Orange” is the color of Unity, and Barack Obama. Are the PUMAs buying it? No, because they’re sociopaths. But maybe enough people are. It’s all about getting your 51%, and Hillary could offer like 2%, right now! 3%! MORE »

It’s Hillary’s Big Night, and everybody’s wondering what she’ll tell her aggrieved and anxious supporters who felt Disrespected by the Process. We are kind of hoping that Hillary will dispense with that in the first 20 seconds and then administer the indescribably cruel new tearing of assholes to John McCain that all the old Clintonites (Begala, Carville etc) have been baying for all week…but she will probably do something classy and valedictory instead. Let’s watch and see how this drama unfolds…. MORE »

You may have seen Rudy Giuliani, a stupid fucking idiot, all over the teevee during the Democratic National Convention. Today he visited a TERRORISM EXHIBIT in Denver, one which he probably created in the last year just so he could tour it during the Democratic National Convention. He said that we must Never Regret, or what is it, Never Fret, or Never Forfeit, or FORGET, because “that’s the kind of thinking that got us into the problem into the first place.” Hey man, we’re sure everyone in America hopes that anti-terrorism government officials are doing their best. And we’re also hoping that the mayors of major American cities are protecting their cities from obvious shit like planes flying into buildings. [CBS News]

• CONVENTION PARTIES ARE TERRIBLE: Bill Maher doesn’t want people getting up while he does his comedy act, so people weren’t allowed to go outside for a cigarette at Rolling Stone’s condom party. [The Field]

WHOA DENNIS KUCINICH MAKES EVERYONE CRAZY! You realize that all the speeches are stale bullshit and it’s just a lot of background noise while Chris Matthews talks about his memories. But Dennis Kucinich just killed in here, with a screaming “WAKE UP AMERICA” rant/chant that was quick and nutty. Maybe true, too! [The Swamp]

While Ken and Sara have taken the “good passes” to the Pepsi Center, your humble associate editor has a mere “perimeter pass,” which gives access to the parking lot. But look what we’ve found in one of the plastic “media pavilions”: the Captain Morgan’s “Captain For President” lounge, with comfy black chairs and free Tanqueray. We’re just cold eatin’ pretzel mix and watchin’ teevee with this pirate dude. Everyone come to Media Pavilion #2. The best part about this place is that they have the teevees on mute.

BACK TO HELL DOME: We’re off to Pepsi Center for another long day of indignities and dull horror. If you are a pal, send us a message and we’ll meet up at some media tent or “blogger lounge” before Hillary incites a housewife riot. Also, anything going on tonight? All of our big parties were last night, so we basically didn’t go to any of them.

SADDEST PROTEST EVER: “A group of about 20 veterans of the Iraq War have begun an unpermitted march from Cuernavaca Park to Civic Center.” [Denver Post]

What’s inside the great bag of stuff given to America’s Media (plus the foreigners) at the DNC? Let’s examine it, together, and wish we were at a fancier event, like the Golden Globes or something. MORE »

What’s with the giant blue bear outside the Colorado Convention Center, anyway? Why is he doing the “paws up, bear trash” thing against the glass wall? According to the artist, the monster mutant is just, you know, looking into the convention center like some awful blue Peeping Tom street masturbator. It’s a commentary on the lousy stock market or something. [9News]

• Republicans are crashing the Dems’ convention, and Democrats will crash the GOP convention, due to the end of civility and the rise of dumb hate. [New York Times]
• Tonight: Twisted psychodrama as Hillary and her supporters maybe sort of don’t entirely 100% say “You complete me” to Obama, because there’s never been candidate rivalry at a Democratic convention before (except for the other times). [Associated Press/U.S. News]
• Russia has officially recognized the pro-Russia breakaway republics of South Ossetia and Abkhazia, which are currently part of Georgia. This means (cold) war. [Washington Post]
• Yikes: A fourth dirtbag has been arrested in the “Kill Obama at the Stadium” plot. [CBS 4 Denver]
• The sirens and ruckus you didn’t hear in Denver’s Civic Center Park around 7 o’clock last night? DNC protesters were attacking, uh, trees on 15th Street. [Rocky Mountain News/Denver Post]
• Home prices are still dropping, but not as much as last quarter, so the housing collapse may or may not be nearly over. [Bloomberg]
• Barack Obama must prove to America that he’s somehow a normal American, without offending the “Muslim socialist vampire lesbian community.” [Dave Barry]