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Posts Tagged ‘denver’

Put That Thing Away, John McCain

Tuesday, July 8th, 2008

Romney for Veep!In a Denver candy shop yesterday, John McCain asked a voter, “How about some old-fashioned fudge?” and the voter fell on the floor laughing about what a pervy old gaywad he was, the end. [Top of the Ticket]


Lady Makes Terrible Sign, Gets Thrown Out Of McCain Event

Monday, July 7th, 2008

The other side says 'McSame'.
John McCain is inspiring some very spirited protests from, uh, these two people, pictured here. MORE »


Obama To Give Convention Speech In America’s Most Hated Location: Outdoors

Monday, July 7th, 2008

The Obama campaign has sent its latest self-important “Big Announcement” email, and it’s funny! He will not be giving his empty-rhetoric convention speech in some smoky back room with George Soros and Scrooge McDuck as his only audience, which is customary. He will hold it outdoors, for everyone to attend, but only if they turn off their Xboxes first: “Barack will leave the convention hall and join more than 75,000 people for a huge, free, open-air event where he will deliver his acceptance speech to the American people.” But what if it rained on his parade, as they say? Or what if no one showed up, since the speech will be on the teevee and no one gives a shit anyway? Answer: book the Decemberists. Oh and also, if you give this clown more money he might let you, uh, watch him speak from a decent vantage point or what have you. [Barack Obama]


Monday, July 7th, 2008

You Fail.EPIC FAILZ: Some DNC factotum just sent Wonkette a link to “Howard Dean’s refutation of the NYT assertions about the Democratic Convention shaping up to be a ‘disaster.’” The link didn’t work. ONE HOUR LATER: Now it works!


Democratic Convention Shaping Up To Be Pricey Organic Disaster

Monday, July 7th, 2008

Paddle for your life, Barack Obama!It appears the Democrats have come up with an absurdly constipated boondoggle of a convention that will show Americans, once again, exactly why they don’t like electing Democrats. From the massive expense to the terrible lack of planning to the weird diktat about frigging food colors, this whole thing confirms everyone’s worst suspicions about Democrats being spendthrift hippies with the souls of incompetent Soviet bureaucrats. The reporting on this clusterfuck reads like the paranoid scribblings of Rush Limbaugh on a three-day Oxycontin bender. Let’s review the ridiculousness together. MORE »


Ray Gun To Make DNC Protesters Spurt Diarrhea

Thursday, June 12th, 2008

Slimed!Here is a fun domestic terror tactic to use against people protesting a political convention: Fire a ray gun at a crowd of these ingrates and then laugh as they all convulse and then shit themselves and then disperse, to die, because their bowels have just been microwaved. Fox News says such weaponry will be deployed at this summer’s Democratic Convention in Denver. MORE »


Shocker: Mark Penn Is Strongest Supporter Of Fighting To Denver

Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008

Hey now, what ever happened to Clinton’s former chief strategist Mark “Bowser” Penn, the most stereotypically evil man in the world? When he was demoted from his top position, no one expected him to have any less sway, yet he’s remained shielded from the public eye. Now, however, some new information has come to light about Penn’s role in these last days: rumors indicate that Penn, more than anyone else in the campaign, wants to take the fight to the convention — for all the predictably devilish reasons, as well as the numerous free buffets. MORE »


Democratic Convention Racist For Hillary

Thursday, May 8th, 2008

We make her paint her face and dance
What, the Democratic National Convention Committee couldn’t find a black artist to design the credentials? MORE »


Mitt and McCain Hit The Trail Together

Thursday, March 27th, 2008

America’s most believed ex-presidential candidate, Mittens “Mitt” Romney, is joining Maverick candidate John McCain on a fundraising tour through the “mountain west,” starting today. They hate each after a brutal campaign where each lied and smeared the other to no end, although John McCain is, again, a Maverick, and Mittens wants to be his vice president. MORE »


Obama Finally Growing a Set

Wednesday, January 30th, 2008

Maybe it’s just uncontrollable anger, but the sharper, aggressive tone he presented in his South Carolina victory speech seems like, HELLO, THE RIGHT PLAN ALREADY. Before 18,000 hopeful supporters in Denver today, Barack delivered a Hope Attack at The Clintons with ghost language like, “I will end the mentality that says the only way for Democrats to look tough on national security is by talking, acting and voting like George Bush Republicans.” The Clinton campaign did respond, AND IT WAS KIND OF LIKE THIS WITH THE BIG LETTERS AND THE BOLD. MORE »