Tag Archives: denver

  The Battle Of Bunk Hill

Wingnuts Win! AP History Exam Will Only Pass Patriot Kids Who Know America Is Perfect

Still stoked that Chris Hayes used this back in February.
We’re not sure it’s as huge a capitulation as Barack Obama’s complete surrender to Iran, but it looks like there may be Peace In Our Time in at least one theater of the Culture Wars. After a year of rightwing complaints that the revised Advanced Placement U.S. History (APUSH) exam was teaching high school students to hate America and maybe join ISIS, the College Board has given in and announced some changes to the exam that are intended to placate the whiny titty babies who don’t seem to understand what “Advanced Placement” means. The exam framework for 2015 will add a section on “American Exceptionalism” and add additional questions that name Big Heroes like George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson, whose names you might suppose students would have encountered before taking an AP class (and who would of course have been covered in any class — it’s just that they weren’t named in the framework, which instead focused on larger themes. This drove wingnuts crazy and led them to claim that the Founders had been “removed” from the teaching of history). The College Board is still saying some pretty nasty things about God’s Own America, however. The new framework includes pretty much the same number of references to slavery as the 2014 version, and it turns out we still interned Japanese-Americans during WW II. Read more on Wingnuts Win! AP History Exam Will Only Pass Patriot Kids Who Know America Is Perfect…
  Quit yer bitching

Federal Court Tells Nuns To Shove Paperwork Right Up Their Jesus Holes

Just sign it and shut up, sister
There is this group of nuns in Colorado, and they are a bunch of dicks. No, seriously, They. Are. DICKS. The Little Sisters of the Poor Home for the Aged is ostensibly dedicated to doing good Jesus-y things, for old poors, but the sisters have been too busy suing the Obama administration over the contraception mandate because they think — wrongly; they are VERY BAD at science — birth control is the exact same thing as murdering babies. And they cannot possibly do any good Jesus-y things for old poors if Obama is going to force them to spend all their time murdering babies. Read more on Federal Court Tells Nuns To Shove Paperwork Right Up Their Jesus Holes…
  ugh this again

Colorado Heating And Air Company Isn’t Racist, Just Doesn’t Like Serving Blacks, That’s All

Yes, kiddo, it is.
A Denver area heating and cooling company is facing boycotts and general outrage after one of those secret local news investigations found that they really seem to hate black people! The company is called Mile High Heating and Cooling, and if you thought stereotyping and blatant racism were a Southern thing, well shit, we’re going to have to disabuse you of that notion. An employee of the company decided to leak a fun little tidbit to the news, about how it was unofficial policy that they don’t service a Denver area neighborhood called Montbello, which used to be majority black, but is now mostly Hispanic. They even have handy print-outs telling them which zip codes are okay to cold call, and which ones are not. Surprise, Montbello, which they call “Mount Ghetto,” is one that is not! Read more on Colorado Heating And Air Company Isn’t Racist, Just Doesn’t Like Serving Blacks, That’s All…
  Your Morning Maddow

Let’s Go Weed Shopping In Denver With Rachel Maddow (Video)

The simile seems lost on Rachel
Rachel Maddow was in Denver for a live broadcast Tuesday night. Warning: It’s a little weird to watch the news with an audience applauding and cheering in the background. The highlight (ha!) of the episode was Maddow’s visit to a dispensary of “recreational meds,” aka “weed,” “pot,” “dope,” “Mary Jane,” “reefer,” or “why Phish had a career.” She’s introduced to the world of boutique dispensary operation, from the goofy — as she goes down the steps into the store, she notes that it “smells like college” — to the mundane practical challenges of running a business that’s legal under state law, but not under national law, which means dispensaries can’t keep their money in banks. It’s funny and informative, and Rachel closes by confirming that, in the state of Colorado, she now knows that she’s “a certified dork.” Read more on Let’s Go Weed Shopping In Denver With Rachel Maddow (Video)…
  Did Romney Ever Get This Reaction?

Nice Time: Little Girl Meets Hillary Clinton, Joyously Freaks Out

This is 10-year-old Macy Friday, who was in the crowd at Denver’s Union station Monday when Hillary Clinton came to Colorado to campaign for Sen. Mark Udall. Hillz saw Macy in the crowd, waved her over for pictures, and Macy instantly earned her place as an icon of Kid Enthusiasm, which frankly is the very best kind there is. That right there is a genuine “I got a puppy, no, TWO puppies!” face. Read more on Nice Time: Little Girl Meets Hillary Clinton, Joyously Freaks Out…
  Hot Time In The Old Hemisphere Tonight

Colorado Gov Candidate: When Would God Ever Allow The Seas To Rise And The Earth To Flood?

We need Gary Larson again, don't we?
Republican candidate for Governor of Colorado Bob Beauprez isn’t too worried about this “global warming” stuff because the Earth can take care of itself, with a little help from God probably. In a debate Tuesday with incumbent Democratic Gov. John Hickenlooper, Beauprez said that it’s nice that we’re fighting pollution and even CO2 emissions, but we don’t need to do anything drastic because God’s totally got this one: Read more on Colorado Gov Candidate: When Would God Ever Allow The Seas To Rise And The Earth To Flood?…
  Attack Of The 50-Foot Straw Man

Fox’s Gretchen Carlson Tells Protesting Colorado Punks To Love It Or Leave It

Hey, Kids, you won one! Now get back to studying!
Fox News lady Gretchen Carlson has just about had it with these radical extremist Denver-area high school students and their unruly protests over proposed changes to the history curriculum. The walkouts have continued all week, and have spread to additional schools. And by golly, Gretchen is angry that these kids would dare to object to the school board’s simple wish that they learn patriotism and respect for authority. Read more on Fox’s Gretchen Carlson Tells Protesting Colorado Punks To Love It Or Leave It…
  Founding Fodder

Colorado Students Ditch Class, Refuse To Love America

George Washington crossing the Red River
Students at several Denver-area high schools walked out of classes Monday and Tuesday to protest a proposal by conservative school board members to make the district’s Advanced Placement U.S. History classes more patriotic and America-loving. The board, sharing widespread concerns that revisions to the AP US History framework will be nothing but liberal propaganda, recently proposed a committee that would make sure school curricula only taught Goodthink: Read more on Colorado Students Ditch Class, Refuse To Love America…
  Doob The Right Thing

Colorado PSA: Don’t Eat All The Pot Candy Like That Idiot MoDo

The bad trip scene in that movie was kind of epic
Thank god, a Maureen Dowd column has finally resulted in something good for the world. After she chowed down on a pot candy bar and got super-hiiiiiiigh — very unpleasantly so — the legal marijuana industry in Colorado has referenced her “bad trip” column as part of an advertising campaign promoting Safe ‘n’ Responsible doobage. Read more on Colorado PSA: Don’t Eat All The Pot Candy Like That Idiot MoDo…
  sharing is caring

In Denver, A Choom Gang Irregular Offers Barack Obama Bong Hitz 4Jesus

In Denver Tuesday night, some dude asked Barack Obama “Want a hit, man?” and then rushed to Instagram the exchange, showing Obama laughing like a drug-addled jazz criminal. It’s a sad day for America: You know that Mitt Romney would have instead asked the young miscreant to stop selling death sticks, whereupon the druggie would go home and rethink his life. That, or he’d bungle the lyrics to “Insane in the Membrane.” Read more on In Denver, A Choom Gang Irregular Offers Barack Obama Bong Hitz 4Jesus…
  those cakes we like

A Grown Human Person At The EPA Is Polluting The Hallways With His Own Poo

Government bureacrats: the thin, gray-flannel-suit line between civilization and Somalia. The Environmental Protection Agency, for instance, keeps us from having exploding water, and poisoned water, and eyeless shrimp hahahaha lololol jk jk. But they want to. OR DO THEY? In his story — soon to become a classic of the genre — EPA Employees Told to Stop Pooping in the Hallway, Eric Katz of the FedBlog sexplains that EPA employees ARE POOPING IN THE HALLWAY, and that they are being told to STOP IT. Read more on A Grown Human Person At The EPA Is Polluting The Hallways With His Own Poo…
  you can't dust for vomit

Maureen Dowd Just Wants To Get Hiiiiiiigh

Everyone is having a mighty fine laugh over that idiot Maureen Dowd, and how she had a bad trip on “the pot.” Oh ho ho, what an idiot, they are chortling, can’t even eat a delicious marijuana candy bar without curling into a ball and weeping for eight hours. It certainly couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. Except it has happened to a nicer guy, and that nicer guy is me, your Editrix! (Shut up, bitchfuckers, I AM THE NICEST.) I stand with MoDo, today and … today. Only. Seriously, that lady is usually fucking useless. Do you think a Monica Lewinsky monster loomed over her in the pitch black of the Denver Hyatt, smacking its blood red lips? Read more on Maureen Dowd Just Wants To Get Hiiiiiiigh…
  where to travel in 2016

Republicans Close To Deciding Which Character-Free Hellhole Of A City They Will Invade In 2016

The Republican National Committee is busy narrowing down the list of potential host cities for its 2016 convention. Last week the list dropped by two, with Cincinnati and Las Vegas dropping their bids; Cincinnati because, well, Cincinnati, and Vegas for a whole host of reasons. Needless to say, yr Wonkette was devastated by Vegas’s decision. We were giddy – GIDDY – at the thought of a) the entire Wonkette writing staff covering the convention in person and b) all those wingnut dipwads showing up on the convention floor hung over, pockets having been emptied by every roulette wheel, blackjack table and high-priced call girl from one end of the Strip to the other. All the potential scandals for delegates and candidates to get caught up in … dear Lord, we ask You for so, so little… Let’s take a look at the four cities left in the running, along with their pros and cons. Read more on Republicans Close To Deciding Which Character-Free Hellhole Of A City They Will Invade In 2016…
  reefer sadness

Denver Narcs Out Colorado Symphony, Won’t Let It Get Hiiiiiigh

Man, the city of Denver is so harshing the Colorado Symphony’s mellow after the nonprofit announced plans for a series of cannabis-friendly fundraising concerts. Because dog forbid anyone listening to classical music should get to enjoy it. Yesterday the city sent a letter to symphony president Jerome Kern warning him that the plans for the concert could violate city and state law. Apparently the legalization of marijuana in Colorado also banned using it openly and in public. So you can smoke dope so long as you hide in your house the whole time, we guess. Your Wonkette understands not wanting all public spaces to turn into Haight-Ashbury circa 1968, but we still think it’s a pretty fucked-up world where states allow you to walk around openly carrying a rifle but not a bowl and a nice green nugget of weed. The possible violations The Man warned the symphony it might be committing, aside from the aforementioned public use of marijuana, include Read more on Denver Narcs Out Colorado Symphony, Won’t Let It Get Hiiiiiigh…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: BYU-Idaho Fights The Battle Of The Boner, And Other Dispatches From The War On Stupid

Welcome, O Wonkers and Wankers, to another edition of the Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we clean the sticky residue of stoopid stories from our browser tabs, cut it with a secret mix of chemicals from Freedumb Industries, and serve it up to you in an elixir that’s easily as tasteful and memorable as Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey. Read more on Derp Roundup: BYU-Idaho Fights The Battle Of The Boner, And Other Dispatches From The War On Stupid…