April 16, 2014
Welcome, O Wonkers and Wankers, to another edition of the Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we clean the sticky residue of stoopid stories from our browser tabs, cut it with a secret mix of chemicals from Freedumb Industries, and serve it up to you in an elixir that’s easily as tasteful and memorable as […]
Hmmm… Looks like marijuana businesses in Colorado missed a bunch of winking and eyebrow waggling when Attorney General Eric Holder said that stuff about “not interfering” in states that had legalized marijuana. The AP is reporting that Federal agents raided an unknown number of marijuana dispensaries and growing sites in Colorado Thursday, confiscating piles of […]
My, that takes some brass. We checked. No pre-written notes were allowed.
Now you can put down the razor blade, take the hose out of the gas pipe, un-noose yourself … and, er, all the other ghastly ways the Virgin Suicides suicided themselves. We’re sorry B. Barry Bamz was a little boring last night, but for sweet Jesus’s sake, he wasn’t that bad. You are all acting […]
“Today, voters in Denver will decide whether to set up a commission to track space aliens.” Yup: The proposition calls for the city of Denver to accept reports of UFO sightings on its Web page. Sponsor Jeff Peckman says the government is tracking aliens, but refuses to make the reports public. And should we be […]
Dan Maes is in a tough spot! He’s running for the Republican gubernatorial nomination in Colorado against a known plagiarist, and if he wins the primary he’ll just have to take on Tom Tancredo and the awesomely named “Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper.” How do you set yourself apart in that sort of field? Hmm, “Declare […]
Supply and demand, people! Focus on the Family’s series of “Love Won Out” conferences has persuaded so many sodomites of the joys of heterosexual love that there is just no market for these events anymore. So, they’re turning over the conferences to a ministry in Orlando that can deal with the homosexual laggards who still […]
Oh boy the stimulation is signed, in Denver — no birth certificate necessary there! — and here’s your Barack Obama all pissed off at Washington because, duh, Washington is (for the moment) in large part defined by a handful of advertising filler known as “pundits” and “Richard Cohen” and “The Politico,” all of which are […]
KEN LAYNE REMEMBERS OBAMA’S NOMINATION SPEECH: “For two long, ridiculous years, I had covered this campaign — if by ‘covered’ you mean ‘wrote stupid jokes about these terrible people, every day, for a Web site.’ Now was not the time to give up and watch history on a cheap wall monitor over a concession booth.” […]
Here are a couple of charming street urchins talking to Video Liz Glover during New York Fashion Week. They keep saying “The Democratic Party Convention,” referring to the event in Denver, rather than “The Democratic NATIONAL Convention,” which means that either they are morans or they are people with a very healthy lack of interest […]
We were all jealous of Wonkette videographer Liz Glover after seeing this Polaroid she took with America’s beautiful boy, Mitt “Willard” Romney. That is one tasty-lookin’ fraud salad! Liz claims that they never hooked up, but she doesn’t realize that in Mormonism, a handshake is considered third base. Also: Liz — like most people who, […]
We sure had a helluva time running around Denver this week, especially in the fine Uptown neighborhood, which is so packed with patio restaurants and cheap fun bars and liquor stores and cafes and fancy eateries and green leafy pedestrian streets that we could’ve just hung around the neighborhood the whole time. Instead, we spent […]
Here it is, if you missed some, or all of it, or maybe the Secret Service took your laptop when you were getting a lemonade. Not quite as crazy as watching it with 80,000+ cheering Obama nuts in an outdoor football stadium at nightfall, but it is pretty great and filled with good lines. [YouTube]
Well, that was insane. Sara almost cried. Jim got caught by the Secret Service. And your editor didn’t have an actual seat, so he sat outside liveblogging various speeches, and then headed inside the thunderdome for Obama’s entrance. Let’s post a bunch of photos!