Tag Archives: denny’s

  today in capitalism

A Children’s Treasury of CEOs Throwing Very Grown-Up Tantrums Over Obamacare

If we were the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company, we would happily make ten cents less per unit in order to make sure that our employees have health care coverage. This would be DOUBLY true if we were the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company in the food industry, given that we would not want our employees coming to work sick and touching all the food with their germ-infested hands and then giving the germ-infested food to our customers. But this attitude is probably why we are not the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company, because duh you don’t get rich by giving away ten cents so that your employees can get chemotherapy when they have cancer. Here is a lesson on capitalism and profitability courtesy four companies that refuse — REFUSE — to make sure that their employees are not handling your food with their tubercular hands. Unless of course, someone is willing to pay the price. They have standards, you see! And principles! And those principles say that by God, they aren’t going to adjust profits or prices by ten cents per unit so that their employees can get health care. Read more on A Children’s Treasury of CEOs Throwing Very Grown-Up Tantrums Over Obamacare…
  the final frontier

Bored NASA Agents Now Invading Denny’s In Search of Moon Rocks

NASA had so much fun scaring the hell out of random horrified people by showering Earth with giant gobs of flaming scrap metal that they figured, “why break a streak?” So now they’re busy terrorizing and manhandling 74-year-old grandmother Joanne Davis for trying to sell a tiny speck of a moon rock that her late husband gave her to raise money for her ill son, because only NASA is allowed to have moon rocks according to NASA rules. Instead of just going to ask her about her nice little moon speck, however, the agency set up a full-blown fire ‘n brimstone sting operation and rained columns of officers in body armor on the elderly woman while she was having lunch, at her local Denny’s. Hooray for your taxpayer dollars at work! Read more on Bored NASA Agents Now Invading Denny’s In Search of Moon Rocks…
  ya burnt hayworth

Oh Look, Old Man McCain Is Trying To Slug That Huckster Guy Again

John McCain is just going to get more and more desperate until he is fighting a man with Down Syndrome for a night janitor job at a Denny’s. Walnuts has previously released two ads calling his opponent a “huckster” for appearing in infomercials. The problem is that Arizona voters seem to maybe prefer this awful infomercial radio host guy to McCain, so Walnuts has had to resort to the teevee to tell them that SERIOUSLY, FOLKS, THIS MAN IS A HUCKSTER. DID YOU HEAR THAT ZINGER I KEEP SAYING? HE IS A HUCKSTER. VOTE FOR ME. So this J.D. Hayworth guy basically admitted that stupid people shouldn’t buy stupid products on infomercials from men like him, and now McCain has cut two new ads about it, in addition to the other fun McCain-in-desperation news today, that Walnuts completely reversed himself on immigration. Read more on Oh Look, Old Man McCain Is Trying To Slug That Huckster Guy Again…
  food/booze news!

Kids Don’t Eat Free In the District, Even If It Saves Lives

Thursday, June 11: DC has a few issues — high dropout and teen pregnancy rates, an AIDS epidemic, never-ending nonsensical violent crime — but there’s nothing that a cooking competition can’t fix! Get some kids in a room, have them cook a meal made of “surprise’ ingredients,” make some top DC chefs judge the thing, and next thing we know Adams Morgan will be as safe and shiny as Manhattan! Read more on Kids Don’t Eat Free In the District, Even If It Saves Lives… Read more on Kids Don’t Eat Free In the District, Even If It Saves Lives…
  funny 'cause it's true

News From the Future: Obama Gives Up On America

Once or twice a year, we give in and post a “humor” video because it is just that good. (This means you can still keep not sending us links to the Daily Show, Colbert, Tina Fey, etc.) So, enjoy this “Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny’s” segment, which is just tragic and true. Read more on News From the Future: Obama Gives Up On America…