Tag Archives: denny hastert

 

Pelosi Wants Air Force Shuttle Service; White House Leaks To Moonies

Nancy Pelosi’s just two creeps away from the presidency, so she wants military planes to take her back and forth to San Francisco. That’s pretty normal these days, as Hastert had a C-5 carry him to Illinois all the time. But Pelosi wants the USAF flights for her entire staff and family members and the whole California delegation and pretty much anybody who pleases Madame Speaker. Read more on Pelosi Wants Air Force Shuttle Service; White House Leaks To Moonies…
 

Gall Bladder, Chevy Impala Removed From Dennis Hastert

Former best-speaker-ever and PageFuckerGate legend Denny Hastert is recovering from mysterious surgery “to remove his gall bladder,” the Illinois congressman’s office reported. Denny went under the knife in Chicago somewhere, presumably at a hospital. Read more on Gall Bladder, Chevy Impala Removed From Dennis Hastert…
 

GOP House Leadership Totally Innocent!

Finally, we can put Cocktober behind us: The Republican House Leadership has just concluded that the Republican House Leadership is totally innocent of wrongdoing in the Mark Foley cover-up. Hooray for justice! The “ethics panel” will announce this in a few minutes, and we are “live blogging” it. Read more on GOP House Leadership Totally Innocent!…
 

Foley Staffer Begs Repubs To Pay His Legal Bills

K Street Republicans were “flabbergasted” by an e-mail begging for handouts to cover disgraced Foley chief of staff Kirk Fordham’s legal bills. Even better, the e-mail was sent the morning after the Election Day Bloodbath. Read more on Foley Staffer Begs Repubs To Pay His Legal Bills…
 

Farewell, Denny Hastert

No surprise, obviously, but let’s note for the record that Denny Hastert will resign as speaker. According to TIME, he’ll announce this week and possibly today. “The battle to succeed him will be bruising, as members attempt to allocate blame for the Foley mess,” the magazine says. Really? Why even bother? Just pick some unoffensive goon (there’s got to be one in the GOP) and let him preside over a very short lamest-of-ducks session and that’s that. Read more on Farewell, Denny Hastert…
 

President DeLay? President Foley?

Because of fears that a terrorist attack could “wipe out” a large portion of Dennis Hastert, the House secretly chose somebody to take over as House speaker in an emergency. But the Republican leadership won’t say who. This means Americans have no idea who would become president should Bush and Cheney and Hastert have to “go somewhere for a while.” Who is the mystery president-in-waiting? Was it Foley? Read more on President DeLay? President Foley?…
 

Careful of Those Teen Lifestyle Choices

It’s from some creepy GOP-Page-Business program called “Streaming Futures,” which also sounds filthy. The Hastert fans over at “Boy Culture” have put together a massive package (huh huh) of video clips from this stellar show, along with enough photos of dreamy GOP boys to turn Bill Clinton queer. Read more on Careful of Those Teen Lifestyle Choices…
 

Sunday Special: Everyone Is Gay

Because we have no choice, here’s the latest filth: * TIME and Newsweek declare the GOP finished, with polls showing big majorities of voters prefer Dems in every category except “Which party is best at fucking little boys?” Read more on Sunday Special: Everyone Is Gay…
 

50 Seats? They’re Gonna Lose 50 Seats?!

This is from Fox News and it’s clearly meant to scare the hell out of the disgusted conservatives so they’ll actually show up to the polls, but even if it’s half true …. Brand-new internal polling is smelling like ass for Hastert & Co. Read more on 50 Seats? They’re Gonna Lose 50 Seats?!…
 

Was It Good For You, Too? :)

Well, that was fun while it lasted. But according to our favorite paper, PageFuckerGate is officially over now. Why, Mark Foley hardly did anything wrong! Other than being homosexual, which is basically the same as bestiality or incest. Read more on Was It Good For You, Too? :)…
 

Was There a Serenade Involved?

Here’s your All Foley All the Time 5:30 p.m. roundup: * Did Foley make late-night drunken appearances at the pages’ dorms on Capitol Hill? Was he “turned away” by poor kids who were trying to get some sleep or have sex with people their own age? Congresswoman Deborah Pryce, R-Ohio, wants the truth! [Tallahassee Democrat] Read more on Was There a Serenade Involved?…
 

Cartoon Violence Can’t Handle Complexity Right Now

Hot time, summer in the city, editorial cartoonists continuing to churn out cheap barbs at easy targets. And our very own cartoon expert the Comics Curmudgeon is here to cool and refresh you with unparalleled insight into those funny drawings in the back of the A section. Our magical journey through Today’s Cartoons begins after the jump. Join us for white collar crime in all its guises, talking animals with bizarre agendas, and violence against public figures. Read more on Cartoon Violence Can’t Handle Complexity Right Now…
 

Bush Urges Congress, FBI to Take Cold Shower

So it’s White House vs. Congress vs. Justice, with the media sort of egging all the sides on, and this looks like Congress actually won, for once. Which surprises us as much as it surprises you. Read more on Bush Urges Congress, FBI to Take Cold Shower…
 

Senior Administration Official Guessing Game: ABC’s Source

Despite denials from the Department of Justice, ABC News is standing by its story that House Speaker Dennis Hastert is “in the mix” of the FBI investigation into congressional corruption. ABC quotes anonymous “law enforcement sources,” including a “senior official” who told ABC, “You guys wrote the story very carefully, but they are not reading it very carefully.” Who is ABC’s source? This person is in law enforcement, but apparently not at the DoJ proper (in which case he would probably be referred to as a “Justice Department official”). After the jump, some ruminations from us. Read more on Senior Administration Official Guessing Game: ABC’s Source…
 

Who’ll Stop the Raid

On the subject of unprecedented Justice Department raids of congressional offices, we’re torn. On the one hand, it’s a bit gauche, in a banana republic sort of way. Generalissimos in chamo and all that. On the other, we like the idea of the FBI scaring the shit out of everyone so much that Hastert and Pelosi are signing join statements. So — constitutionally questionable? Maybe not in letter, but certainly in spirit. But it bodes well for those of us who were worried it might not be an interesting summer. Read more on Who’ll Stop the Raid…
 

One Tree Hill

Last month, federal officials killed a 90-year-old Engelman spruce and uprooted it from a New Mexico forest; today, it gets its moment to shine. We’re not sure what the protocol is as far publishing photos of War on Christmas casualties, but the Senate’s got a treecam, so we’re guessing it’s okay. In mere hours, Denny Hastert will be flipping a switch that illuminates the tree’s 10,000 lights — kind of makes the President’s menorah look a little skimpy in comparison, doesn’t it? Along with all that candlepower, the tree’s got its original name back. “Holiday Tree” was annoyingly PC, “People’s Tree” was downright communistic — it’s a Christmas tree, for Christ’s sake, why can’t we just call it what it is? So spoke Denny Hastert, and so it shall be. The tree comes from the Santa Fe National Forest. Despite Hastert’s best efforts (we’re guessing), federal officials have yet to rename it the Santa Claus National Forest. Maybe next year. — GREG BEATO Read more on One Tree Hill…
 

Hill Smelly

AP is reporting that “The main building of the Library of Congress was evacuated on Wednesday morning after a ‘suspicious odor’ was detected and two people felt faint.” We told Hastert that the breakfast burrito was a bad idea… Read more on Hill Smelly…