Tag Archives: denny hastert

  Worser and worser

This Lady Says Sick Bastard Denny Hastert Molested The Hell Out Of Her Brother In High School

Sick fuck if true
Remember when we told you the story of the indictment of former Speaker of the House Denny Hastert, for allegedly paying hush money to cover up his sexual abuse of a former student known only as “Individual A,” was only going to get worse? It’s worse. Read more on This Lady Says Sick Bastard Denny Hastert Molested The Hell Out Of Her Brother In High School…
  Let's not think about the children

Won’t Someone PLEASE Think Of Poor Blackmailed Maybe Child Molester Denny Hastert?

Shed a tear for Denny
We had to know this was coming. Because indicted former Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert is not merely accused of illegally withdrawing $1.7 million in hush money cash, and lying to the FBI about it, all to keep secret his “prior misconduct” of sexually abusing a former student known only as Individual A. But Hastert is also a family values conservative Republican. Thus, it’s time to queue up the conservative sympathy machine for the other victim in this story, and we’re not talking about potential Individuals B through Z. (According to a report by BuzzFeed, investigators spoke with “a second alleged Hastert victim,” but chose not to include that victim in the indictment.) Read more on Won’t Someone PLEASE Think Of Poor Blackmailed Maybe Child Molester Denny Hastert?…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

If The Duggars Love Hobby Lobby So Much, They Should Gay Marry It. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Let's buy pipe cleaners. Kids like pipe cleaners.
Happy Sunday, you scrappy weasels. We hope you had a nice week, enjoying all the gross news yr Wonkette had to report, because all the news was just terrible and gross and bad. We thought we had our fill of kid-touching stories with Josh Duggar, but then Denny Hastert came in and was like ME TOO, I TOUCHED KIDS TOO. ALLEGEDLY. So it’s time to take a look see at the top ten stories of the week, as chosen by you, the wise Wonkers. Read more on If The Duggars Love Hobby Lobby So Much, They Should Gay Marry It. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  we can say it out loud now

Yep, Ex-Speaker Denny Hastert Paid Hush Money To Cover Up Kid-Diddling. ALLEGEDLY.

Not actually Denny Hastert
So yeah. The dark secret not detailed in the indictment against former Republican House Speaker Denny Hastert, for allegedly agreeing to pay “Individual A” $3.5 million to keep his dark secret a secret and lying to the FBI about it? The details of which U.S. Attorney Zachary T. Fardon agreed to omit from the indictment for reasons we cannot begin to imagine? Well, according to the L.A. Times, Hastert’s secret is that he a sick son of a bitch whose “prior misconduct” was sexually abusing someone who’d known Hastert most of his life (a former student, maybe?), back in his coaching and teaching days, before he became a member of Congress: Read more on Yep, Ex-Speaker Denny Hastert Paid Hush Money To Cover Up Kid-Diddling. ALLEGEDLY….
  Allegedly

Ex-Speaker Denny Hastert Indicted For Paying Hush Money To Cover Up Something REAL Bad

Good point!
Once upon a time, while the Republican Party was trying to recover from its self-inflicted wounds after its disastrous impeachment trial of President Bill Clinton for getting an extramarital hummer, conservative evangelical Illinois Republican Dennis Hastert became Speaker of the House. He wasn’t the first choice; Speaker Newt Gingrich had decided to retire, after making a mess of Congress, and the party’s second choice, Bob Livingston, also resigned in disgrace — for sexytiming someone who was not his wife — before he could even assume the position. Runner-up Hastert eventually landed the gig because of his clean-as-a-whistle reputation. Certainly he would not bring hypocritical shame to the party that had just thrown a constitutional temper tantrum over a blowjob. Until now. Read more on Ex-Speaker Denny Hastert Indicted For Paying Hush Money To Cover Up Something REAL Bad…
 

Pelosi Wants Air Force Shuttle Service; White House Leaks To Moonies

Nancy Pelosi’s just two creeps away from the presidency, so she wants military planes to take her back and forth to San Francisco. That’s pretty normal these days, as Hastert had a C-5 carry him to Illinois all the time. But Pelosi wants the USAF flights for her entire staff and family members and the whole California delegation and pretty much anybody who pleases Madame Speaker. Read more on Pelosi Wants Air Force Shuttle Service; White House Leaks To Moonies…
 

Gall Bladder, Chevy Impala Removed From Dennis Hastert

Former best-speaker-ever and PageFuckerGate legend Denny Hastert is recovering from mysterious surgery “to remove his gall bladder,” the Illinois congressman’s office reported. Denny went under the knife in Chicago somewhere, presumably at a hospital. Read more on Gall Bladder, Chevy Impala Removed From Dennis Hastert…
 

GOP House Leadership Totally Innocent!

Finally, we can put Cocktober behind us: The Republican House Leadership has just concluded that the Republican House Leadership is totally innocent of wrongdoing in the Mark Foley cover-up. Hooray for justice! The “ethics panel” will announce this in a few minutes, and we are “live blogging” it. Read more on GOP House Leadership Totally Innocent!…
 

Foley Staffer Begs Repubs To Pay His Legal Bills

K Street Republicans were “flabbergasted” by an e-mail begging for handouts to cover disgraced Foley chief of staff Kirk Fordham’s legal bills. Even better, the e-mail was sent the morning after the Election Day Bloodbath. Read more on Foley Staffer Begs Repubs To Pay His Legal Bills…
 

Farewell, Denny Hastert

No surprise, obviously, but let’s note for the record that Denny Hastert will resign as speaker. According to TIME, he’ll announce this week and possibly today. “The battle to succeed him will be bruising, as members attempt to allocate blame for the Foley mess,” the magazine says. Really? Why even bother? Just pick some unoffensive goon (there’s got to be one in the GOP) and let him preside over a very short lamest-of-ducks session and that’s that. Read more on Farewell, Denny Hastert…
 

President DeLay? President Foley?

Because of fears that a terrorist attack could “wipe out” a large portion of Dennis Hastert, the House secretly chose somebody to take over as House speaker in an emergency. But the Republican leadership won’t say who. This means Americans have no idea who would become president should Bush and Cheney and Hastert have to “go somewhere for a while.” Who is the mystery president-in-waiting? Was it Foley? Read more on President DeLay? President Foley?…
 

Careful of Those Teen Lifestyle Choices

It’s from some creepy GOP-Page-Business program called “Streaming Futures,” which also sounds filthy. The Hastert fans over at “Boy Culture” have put together a massive package (huh huh) of video clips from this stellar show, along with enough photos of dreamy GOP boys to turn Bill Clinton queer. Read more on Careful of Those Teen Lifestyle Choices…
 

Sunday Special: Everyone Is Gay

Because we have no choice, here’s the latest filth: * TIME and Newsweek declare the GOP finished, with polls showing big majorities of voters prefer Dems in every category except “Which party is best at fucking little boys?” Read more on Sunday Special: Everyone Is Gay…
 

50 Seats? They’re Gonna Lose 50 Seats?!

This is from Fox News and it’s clearly meant to scare the hell out of the disgusted conservatives so they’ll actually show up to the polls, but even if it’s half true …. Brand-new internal polling is smelling like ass for Hastert & Co. Read more on 50 Seats? They’re Gonna Lose 50 Seats?!…
 

Was It Good For You, Too? :)

Well, that was fun while it lasted. But according to our favorite paper, PageFuckerGate is officially over now. Why, Mark Foley hardly did anything wrong! Other than being homosexual, which is basically the same as bestiality or incest. Read more on Was It Good For You, Too? :)…