Wonkette

Nancy Pelosi’s just two creeps away from the presidency, so she wants military planes to take her back and forth to San Francisco. That’s pretty normal these days, as Hastert had a C-5 carry him to Illinois all the time. But Pelosi wants the USAF flights for her entire staff and family members and the whole California delegation and pretty much anybody who pleases Madame Speaker. MORE »

Former best-speaker-ever and PageFuckerGate legend Denny Hastert is recovering from mysterious surgery “to remove his gall bladder,” the Illinois congressman’s office reported. MORE »

Finally, we can put Cocktober behind us: The Republican House Leadership has just concluded that the Republican House Leadership is totally innocent of wrongdoing in the Mark Foley cover-up. MORE »

K Street Republicans were “flabbergasted” by an e-mail begging for handouts to cover disgraced Foley chief of staff Kirk Fordham’s legal bills. Even better, the e-mail was sent the morning after the Election Day Bloodbath. MORE »

No surprise, obviously, but let’s note for the record that Denny Hastert will resign as speaker. MORE »

Because of fears that a terrorist attack could “wipe out” a large portion of Dennis Hastert, the House secretly chose somebody to take over as House speaker in an emergency. MORE »

Evil Bob Novak says Republicans aren’t pushing Hastert out of his extra-large speaker’s chair because “it’s really moot,” because the GOP has already given up and expects to lose the House.

“It’s really moot,” one of Hastert’s most severe Republican critics (who would not be identified) told me. “We are sure to lose the House, and Denny never would want to be minority leader.”

Well, good. Everybody can relax …. Except for one little thing: This makes no fucking sense.If Hastert doesn’t want to be minority leader and the House is lost to the Democrats, then he should obviously resign now to escape the shame of being minority leader when Congress meets again after the elections. But he won’t resign, and it’s causing all kinds of uncomfortable scenes at GOP fund-raising dinners because nobody wants to be photographed with or even near Jabba the Hastert. What to make of it? MORE »

Because we have no choice, here’s the latest filth: MORE »

This is from Fox News and it’s clearly meant to scare the hell out of the disgusted conservatives so they’ll actually show up to the polls, but even if it’s half true …. Brand-new internal polling is smelling like ass for Hastert & Co.

“The data suggests Americans have bailed on the speaker,” a Republican source briefed on the polling data told FOX News. “And the difference could be between a 20-seat loss and 50-seat loss.”

Fox says reps in tight races are already canceling campaign appearances by Hastert. The “authoritative” new polling shows the Foley thing is going to be crucial, minds are made up, and that Democrats are seen as the better party to “fight corruption,” by 2-1. MORE »

Well, that was fun while it lasted. But according to our favorite paper, PageFuckerGate is officially over now. Why, Mark Foley hardly did anything wrong! Other than being homosexual, which is basically the same as bestiality or incest. MORE »

Hastert press conference summary: You’ll pry the speaker’s gavel from my cold, dead fat hands. No Louis Freeh, either. Somehow I’ve dumped this sack of shit on Pelosi. Fuck you, media! MORE »

Hastert press conference summary: You’ll pry the speaker’s gavel from my cold, dead fat hands. No Louis Freeh, either. Somehow I’ve dumped this sack of shit on Pelosi. Fuck you, media! MORE »

Here’s your All Foley All the Time 5:30 p.m. roundup: MORE »