Wonkette

It’s Dennis “The Menace” Kucinich thrilling the crowd on Tuesday! He kicked ass and took names! Wild applause! But the insurance companies and oil monsters still run the world — sorry, Denny! Oh look we have some more pictures …. MORE »

WHOA DENNIS KUCINICH MAKES EVERYONE CRAZY! You realize that all the speeches are stale bullshit and it’s just a lot of background noise while Chris Matthews talks about his memories. But Dennis Kucinich just killed in here, with a screaming “WAKE UP AMERICA” rant/chant that was quick and nutty. Maybe true, too! [The Swamp]

Washington’s The Hill newspaper has published its 2008 list of the 50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill, and yes, they were somehow able to find the requisite 50 people! We don’t really know where to begin with this. Checking out all the names and pictures takes long enough, and then there are little articles for each entry — long articles. So far the only sentence we’ve read, arbitrarily selected, was this: “It seems that when Coty Wamp, daughter of Rep. Zach Wamp (R-Tenn.), was 11, an alien invaded her body.” We dare not ask any further questions. MORE »

Dennis Kucinich is about to start cold representin’ in the House of Representatives, in which he serves as a representative, in about a half hour, or maybe right now! Or maybe he already did this, earlier today. (We are in a Mexican restaurant having some margaritas and eggs right now, so we are out of C-SPAN range.) Anyway, Dennis is introducing a brand new Articles of Impeachment against George W. Bush, who is busily having a fistfight with the air in Japan right now. And then Dennis will have a press conference. Or he already did. Somebody please send us a SHORT YouTube clip, but only if Elizabeth is there, in a bikini. So hot out! [Dennis Kucinich]

Yesterday evening while you were all sitting around with your microwave dinners in your laps wondering what you were going to watch now that Dancing with the Stars is over, Dennis Kucinich was on the CSPAN reading articles of impeachment against President George W. Bush. In this exciting video, watch the congressman from Ohio talking about propaganda campaigns while his coworkers mill around behind him and talk quietly about which stripper bars they’ll be going to once old Talky McGee is done with his legislating on behalf of the American people. [YouTube]

We cannot write a better introduction than this: “A town in South America is living in fear after several sightings of a ‘creepy gnome’ that locals claim stalks the streets at night. The midget — which wears a pointy hat and has a distinctive sideways walk — was caught on video last week by a terrified group of youngsters.” This sidling wicket goblin, who is terrorizing Argentinian Mexicans, made one teenager “so scared after seeing that thing that we had to take him to the hospital.”

Hmm… a hobbit gnome terrorizing illegals? This is no mystery at all. MORE »

Democrat Dennis Kucinich recently abandoned his bid for the presidency in order to spend more time in hot threesomes with his nine-foot-tall English wife and a rotating coterie of Hollywood starlets. Understandably, the voters in his Cleveland congressional district are pissed. But will their jealous rage be enough to propel him out of office? MORE »

Yesterday, Elizabeth Kucinich accompanied her husband, a politician of some sort, to a speech about something. Elizabeth stood in the crowd and maybe text-messaged some friends on her cell phone. It’s not any major Elizabeth Kucinich news, but we thought you should know how Elizabeth spent her day yesterday.

*CAN ELIZABETH STILL RUN?:* Burdened hobbit Dennis Kucinich has dropped out of the presidential race, presumably to spend more time with his elfin queen Elizabeth. We’ll miss you, Elizabeth! [Cleveland Plain Dealer]

A few years back, everybody was all, “Let’s impeach Bush & Cheney & Rumsfeld and try them for war crimes and execute them by firing squad, on Pay Per View.” And then our nation sort of got over it — what administration doesn’t launch a bunch of illegal wars — because the Democrats won Congress and the economy collapsed and now Americans are basically just looking around nervously for food and shelter, maybe under that bridge.

Well the good times are back: Dennis Kucinich is going to impeach George W. Bush on Monday! MORE »