Tag Archives: dennis kucinich

  all dead in ohio

Super Tuesday Murdered By Meh Wednesday

What’s up, Cleveland Plain-Dealer? Pretty exciting night, there, yes, with your still hanging chads or somesuch but “advantage Romney,” certainly what ho? So many exciting Politics in O-hi-o, with Elf Queen Consort Dennis Kucinich losing his fabled place in the hearts of Hippie-Americans as Keebler cookie-maker-in-chief to nice lady and new Elvish Queen Marcy Kaptur. Heryn ohtar lalaith! Kaptur will go on to fight Sam “Joe” “The Plumber” Wurzelbacher to the death, in the Capitol, for the glory of the coalminers in District 13. Then also too Mean Jean Schmidt lost the House seat she had defended with Rottweilers, a miniature Pinscher, and “liberal” smearings of American veterans and armed forces, like so: Read more on Super Tuesday Murdered By Meh Wednesday…
  the greatest political figure of all time

Willie Nelson On Gary Johnson Endorsement: ‘My Bad’

It would appear Willie Nelson read our joke about Dennis Kucinich running for president and took it very seriously: “I know I said that,” Nelson replied. “But I think I will wait and see where he stands on other things. My bad. Sorry. I still think he is a good guy but so Is Dennis and if he decided to run I would personally vote for him. If it came down to either him or Gary I’m already committed to Dennis. They both have said they support legal pot.” Read more on Willie Nelson On Gary Johnson Endorsement: ‘My Bad’…
  political column

Roger Simon: 2012 Election To Be Obama/Kucinich Showdown

Roger Simon is paid a six-figure salary to be right about politics, so expect him to resign November 7, 2012 if this prognostication of his does not happen: Republicans are so worthless they may not even field a candidate for the first presidential election since 1852, and next year’s contest will be a showdown between Barack Obama and Dennis Kucinich. Is Kucinich going to win? No, Kucinich is not going to win, Simon says, but he has a better chance than the Republicans. (We think that’s what he’s saying? It’s hard to tell, because this column is so dumb.) Anyway, THE POINT IS, if something were to happen to Obama that took his life, Dennis Kucinich would win the presidency. Read more on Roger Simon: 2012 Election To Be Obama/Kucinich Showdown…
  give giving dennis kucinich attention a chance

Dennis Kucinich To Impeach Obama Or Whatever

Brave sandwich survivor Dennis Kucinich was able to exist as a somewhat serious candidate for president the past two cycles because he gave red meat (certified-organic fair-trade local tofu “Reddmeete” sustainably collected from unwanted scraps left by wild animals) to libtards on their pet projects such as impeaching George W. Bush and making anything but world peace illegal. Libtards really, really liked that impeachment thing, and would never stop talking about it, even though there were legitimate problems and possible solutions to debate. Kucinich’s hot-wife-distracted brain has not forgotten this, so when he heard about President Obama deciding to bomb Libya, he quickly composed his 2012 platform: IMPEACH OBAMA!!!!1!!!1!!1 Read more on Dennis Kucinich To Impeach Obama Or Whatever…
  olive sandwich hold the injustice please

Dennis Kucinich Suing House Cafeteria Over ‘Dangerous’ Sandwich

Congressman Dennis Kucinich is suing three companies that operate the Longworth House Office Building cafeteria because it served him a sandwich that “contained dangerous substances, namely an olive pit” three years ago. Yes, three years ago, in the thick of the 2008 presidential campaign, when suffered a stunning upset at the hands of Barack Obama. It has taken that long for Kucinich to come to terms with the awful things that sandwich did to him, probably because he needed prolonged therapy to overcome the denial and trauma. This sandwich committed “serious and permanent dental and oral injuries requiring multiple oral and dental surgeries,” according to the plaintiff. But those are just physical wounds. Worst of all, Kucinich has suffered a “loss of enjoyment.” The day we can no longer enjoy sandwiches is the day we are no longer human. Read more on Dennis Kucinich Suing House Cafeteria Over ‘Dangerous’ Sandwich…
  funny pictures

This Is How Dennis Kucinich Gets His Babes

Wonkette Muscle Beach Operative “Jim B.” sends us this hot sexy photo he took in Venice Beach over the weekend, where the communist Dennis Kucinich and his Elfin Queen, Liz, were vacationing during the “why does this even exist?” two-week Congressional recess. Look at this super-cool ruff rider, with the shades and popped collar. “I will steal your hottest ladies with my powers,” he is saying, maybe. Read more on This Is How Dennis Kucinich Gets His Babes…
  today in corruption

Hooray! Health Care Vote-Buying Finally Produces ‘Cleveland Steamer’

This is what the NRCC has been sending to reporters today, to show how the corrupt Democratic leadership bought Dennis Kucinich’s vote: an invitation for Dennis’ wife, the Elfin Faerie Goddess Liz, to show up with Michelle Obama and famous Movie Star Scarlett Johansson at some vegetarian photo-op tomorrow. You’ve figured it out, NRCC! Pitch Andrew Breitbart! [Washington Independent] Read more on Hooray! Health Care Vote-Buying Finally Produces ‘Cleveland Steamer’…
  important press conferences

Dennis Kucinich Looks So Excited To Vote Yes!

After Barack Obama sat on Dennis Kucinich’s face and farted constantly for 72 hours, with Joe Biden adding in some noogies for good measure, Dennis has finally agreed to vote for his party’s major piece of legislation. He had to hold a press conference to announce this. Thanks Dennis! [YouTube] Read more on Dennis Kucinich Looks So Excited To Vote Yes!…
  rigged soviet-style elections

Liz Kucinich on ‘Cleveland’s Dancing with the Stars’

The hot wife of lovable libtard Congressman Dennis Kucinich has entered some dancing-type contest in her adopted city of Cleveland, home of downtown shooting victims, accused mutilators, and drunken wreckers of motorized bar stools. Congressman Kucinich would like you to vote for Elizabeth on Cleveland’s Dancing with the Stars, a vigorous competition featuring Cleveland celebrities. Tune in to News Channel 5 between 5am and 7am on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and then vote or whatever. Just vote. How do you vote? Who knows, your editor can’t even make the videos work on that news site. [The Hill] Read more on Liz Kucinich on ‘Cleveland’s Dancing with the Stars’…
  good luck and godspeed

Time Running Out For Kucinich To Impeach His Mortal Foe

Dennis Kucinich has just one day left before George W. Bush leaves office, FOREVER. He has tried to impeach Bush, repeatedly, but so far it hasn’t “taken.” Will Kucinich finally be able to impeach this goon today as part of Barack Obama’s national day of service? Probably not! But Feral House has published a Memorial Document of his quest, called The 35 Articles of Impeachment and the Case for Prosecuting George W. Bush. It includes an essay explaining how you can impeach somebody even after they’ve left office. So … maybe George W. Bush will be pursued by impeachment’s foul and far-reaching taint even after he has fled beyond the reach of extradition, to Dallas. [Top of the Ticket] Read more on Time Running Out For Kucinich To Impeach His Mortal Foe…
  unpleasant committee hearings

“Is Kashkari A Chump?”

Sexy Neel Kashkari, the 35-year-old former Goldman Sachs investor Hank Paulson selected to run the so-far embarrassing $700 billion bailout program, went before a House committee today to be brutally excoriated, roasted on a spit, and then sodomized by the giddy Elf King Dennis Kucinich and his snarling band of blood monsters. The highlight, and an instant Congressional Hearings Classic, came from Rep. Elijah Cummings of Maryland: “Mr. Kashkari, in the neighborhood I grew up in, in the inner city of Baltimore, one of the things that you tried to do was make sure that you were not considered a chump … Well, is Kashkari a chump?” [YouTube, HuffPo] Read more on “Is Kashkari A Chump?”…
  foto funnies

A Children’s Treasury of DNC Denver Snapshots

It’s Dennis “The Menace” Kucinich thrilling the crowd on Tuesday! He kicked ass and took names! Wild applause! But the insurance companies and oil monsters still run the world — sorry, Denny! Oh look we have some more pictures …. Read more on A Children’s Treasury of DNC Denver Snapshots…
  but where's elizabeth?

WHOA DENNIS KUCINICH MAKES EVERYONE CRAZY! You realize that all the speeches are stale bullshit and it’s just a lot of background noise while Chris Matthews talks about his memories. But Dennis Kucinich just killed in here, with a screaming “WAKE UP AMERICA” rant/chant that was quick and nutty. Maybe true, too! [The Swamp] Read more on …
  sex contest

Meet The 50 Hottest Pieces On Capitol Hill!

Washington’s The Hill newspaper has published its 2008 list of the 50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill, and yes, they were somehow able to find the requisite 50 people! We don’t really know where to begin with this. Checking out all the names and pictures takes long enough, and then there are little articles for each entry — long articles. So far the only sentence we’ve read, arbitrarily selected, was this: “It seems that when Coty Wamp, daughter of Rep. Zach Wamp (R-Tenn.), was 11, an alien invaded her body.” We dare not ask any further questions. Read more on Meet The 50 Hottest Pieces On Capitol Hill!…
  determination

Kucinich Will Drive Bush From Office (On Jan. 20)

Dennis Kucinich is about to start cold representin’ in the House of Representatives, in which he serves as a representative, in about a half hour, or maybe right now! Or maybe he already did this, earlier today. (We are in a Mexican restaurant having some margaritas and eggs right now, so we are out of C-SPAN range.) Anyway, Dennis is introducing a brand new Articles of Impeachment against George W. Bush, who is busily having a fistfight with the air in Japan right now. And then Dennis will have a press conference. Or he already did. Somebody please send us a SHORT YouTube clip, but only if Elizabeth is there, in a bikini. So hot out! [Dennis Kucinich]
 

Kucinich Introduces Impeachment Articles Against Bush

Yesterday evening while you were all sitting around with your microwave dinners in your laps wondering what you were going to watch now that Dancing with the Stars is over, Dennis Kucinich was on the CSPAN reading articles of impeachment against President George W. Bush. In this exciting video, watch the congressman from Ohio talking about propaganda campaigns while his coworkers mill around behind him and talk quietly about which stripper bars they’ll be going to once old Talky McGee is done with his legislating on behalf of the American people. [YouTube] Read more on Kucinich Introduces Impeachment Articles Against Bush…
 

Who Is This ‘Creepy Gnome’ Terrorizing South America?

We cannot write a better introduction than this: “A town in South America is living in fear after several sightings of a ‘creepy gnome’ that locals claim stalks the streets at night. The midget — which wears a pointy hat and has a distinctive sideways walk — was caught on video last week by a terrified group of youngsters.” This sidling wicket goblin, who is terrorizing Argentinian Mexicans, made one teenager “so scared after seeing that thing that we had to take him to the hospital.” Hmm… a hobbit gnome terrorizing illegals? This is no mystery at all. Read more on Who Is This ‘Creepy Gnome’ Terrorizing South America?…
 

Help Dennis Kucinich Remain President Of Cleveland!

Democrat Dennis Kucinich recently abandoned his bid for the presidency in order to spend more time in hot threesomes with his nine-foot-tall English wife and a rotating coterie of Hollywood starlets. Understandably, the voters in his Cleveland congressional district are pissed. But will their jealous rage be enough to propel him out of office? Read more on Help Dennis Kucinich Remain President Of Cleveland!…
 

Famous Liz Kucinich Accompanies Husband To Some Work Function

newVideoPlayer("Kucinich_Quits_Snapper.flv", 475, 376,"");Yesterday, Elizabeth Kucinich accompanied her husband, a politician of some sort, to a speech about something. Elizabeth stood in the crowd and maybe text-messaged some friends on her cell phone. It’s not any major Elizabeth Kucinich news, but we thought you should know how Elizabeth spent her day yesterday. Read more on Famous Liz Kucinich Accompanies Husband To Some Work Function…
 

*CAN ELIZABETH STILL RUN?:* Burdened hobbit Dennis Kucinich has dropped out of the presidential race, presumably to spend more time with his elfin queen Elizabeth. We’ll miss you, Elizabeth! [Cleveland Plain Dealer] Read more on …
 

Dennis Kucinich Will Single-Handedly Impeach Bush

A few years back, everybody was all, “Let’s impeach Bush & Cheney & Rumsfeld and try them for war crimes and execute them by firing squad, on Pay Per View.” And then our nation sort of got over it — what administration doesn’t launch a bunch of illegal wars — because the Democrats won Congress and the economy collapsed and now Americans are basically just looking around nervously for food and shelter, maybe under that bridge. Well the good times are back: Dennis Kucinich is going to impeach George W. Bush on Monday! Read more on Dennis Kucinich Will Single-Handedly Impeach Bush…