Yes, I’ll be liveblogging the Des Moines Register Demrat debate today, which could use itself some Alan Keyes to stop the inevitable boring. The idiots running the debate, however, have barred Dennis Kucinich from participating, because he doesn’t own any office space in Iowa. A Demrat debate without Kucinich is nothing to me. But I’ll livebloggy anyways! See you at 2 p.m. EST.

So the GOP is having its last Iowa debate today, courtesy of the Des Moines Register, and the Demrats have the same thing tomorrow. We guess they’re both still on despite on those ice storms and shit out there. Anyway, I’ve stumbled upon a sizable cache of blow and, ergo, will be liveblogging the Republicans at 2 p.m. EST. Did you pack a flask with your sandwich-and-banana lunch this morning? Fuck your job! And mine, too. [Des Moines Register]

There’s a lot of hullabaloo on the Internets about Romney posing to look like JFK during his JFK speech yesterday. But that’s impossible, because JFK was a gay liberal baby-killing Demrat (except for the whole hawkishness thing). So we’re taking this question of lookalikes to the polls, and have included a couple more options: Joseph Smith, the Mormon doppelganger candidate, and Ben Johnson, the Beef Jerky And Toiletries doppelganger candidate. Vote (post haste!), after the jump. MORE »

Mike Huckabee, a.k.a. the very poor man’s Kevin Spacey, isn’t just demystifying Mitt’s pajamas in Iowa — he’s now taking on the entire world! Or at least… the entire Amerka! MORE »

Barry Hussein is on something of a roll in Iowa, but even he knows that without throwing some dirt Clintonward, he’ll have trouble keeping that momentum based on The Face alone. Today, he launched a new site on his Internets called “Hillary Attacks,” the logo of which is reminiscent of cable news coverage circa midday 9/11. His strategy with “Hillary Attacks” is pretty transparent: Since he’s too much of a pussy to attack anyone, he shows how Hillary is constantly attacking people, which… um… you can’t do during elections because it’s too mean! MORE »

Fuck all, drop some acid and let’s cut to the chase: After the jump, a video of Democratic pseudo-presidential candidate Mike Gravel “rapping” about his struggles. It’s catchy. MORE »

Hillary Clinton is dying. Not literally, but on some sort of quasi-micro-day-to-day level, her campaign is completely ruined forever and eternally! Between a new Zogby poll that shows her losing to every major Republican candidate in hypothetical matchups and Obama calling her White House experience complete poppycock, Hillary is a saaaaad wittle panda today. MORE »

Goddamnit Fred Thompson is an idiot. Idiot idiot idiot dumbface! The latest example: Because Rudy Giuliani attended a NASCAR race Sunday, Thompson was probably worried that his redneck capital was being infringed upon. To recover lost hick points in Iowa on Tuesday, Thompson made a NASCAR simile about Democrats. Surely his NASCAR voter base appreciated the comparison. MORE »

The New York Observer’s Steve Kornacki wrote maybe the best op-ed evarr yesterday slamming CNN’s entire promotion, pre-show, post-show and coverage of the last week’s Democratic debate. Wonkette liveblogged this debate and agrees wholeheartedly with Kornacki’s sentiment: “Once the gold standard for all-news television, the Cable News Network used the night to make a convincing argument that it should never again be entrusted with a presidential debate.” MORE »

In a new WaPo-ABC News Poll for Demrats in Iowa, Obama leads Clinton, 30 percent to 26. John “How Fast Can a Politician Die?” Edwards polls at 22 percent, and Fatpants Richardson garners 11. In other news: Mike Gravel is still running for president. [WP]

By 53-45, the Senate has voted down the $50 billion bill to fund the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. The bill, which passed in the House on Tuesday, in turn required troops to pull out of war zones soon-like. So Bush will find some other way to get his money, and the Democrats’ legislative record will still be dick, maybe even negative dick. [NPR]