Wonkette

Ha ha ha Luke Russert, NBC’s Official Young Persons Correspondent, apparently made a terrible slip this morning and said “the smartest kids in the state go [to UVA], so it’s leaning a little bit towards Obama,” which was a terrible insult to all the remedial readers at the University of Virginia who will also vote for Obama. Naturally, an apology was in order. MORE »

John McCain and Sarah Palin recently held a rally in Green Bay for 10,000 people, but sad Barack Obama could only scare up 6,000 at noon on a Monday. He promised to talk about our nation’s flourishing economy and instead just delivered a weird lecture about how important it is to put lobbyist meetings online via a hidden sexcam. Then an organizer came out and made this weird election-day threat: “Volunteer for at least one hour or spend four years regretting that you did not.” Barack Obama is resorting to scare tactics and hidden lobbyist pornography. He must be panicking! [Chicago Sun-Times]

Ooh, it’s the new scary McCain ad! Alas, it leaves out William Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, the Rosenbergs, and Jane Fonda. They are all from Chicago, and they all have implanted chips in Barack Obama’s brain that make him Not Ready to Lead. [YouTube]

No sooner had frontierswoman Sarah Palin finished her nasty little attack on elite community organizers last Wednesday than panic began to sweep the hallowed Chardonnay cellars of America’s liberals. Above plaintive wails of “What is happening to Our Barry?” and “We’ve got to FIGHT!” we heard the rending of garments, gnashing of teeth, and furious swilling of Two-Buck Chuck. Everyone was freaking out. Well here are some remarks from various writers who would like Democrats to unknot their panties for a moment and relax. MORE »

Oh God Joe Biden is hilarious. He cannot go more than 45 minutes without saying something incredibly awkward. Fortunately, he is so used to making embarrassing remarks that he’s like, “Enh, well, start the clock again people!” and just moves on to the next GAFFE. His Secret Service code name is Gaffey McGaffesalot, because he makes so many gaffes, even in his dreams where he makes rude remarks to articulate wheelchair-bound Indian operators of 7/11s while plagiarizing the Constitution. [Gawker/Daily Intel/YouTube]

Here are a couple of charming street urchins talking to Video Liz Glover during New York Fashion Week. They keep saying “The Democratic Party Convention,” referring to the event in Denver, rather than “The Democratic NATIONAL Convention,” which means that either they are morans or they are people with a very healthy lack of interest in politics. Also Liz needs some cough drops. [YouTube]

Oh ho ho, Joe Lieberman is getting it now! His total divorce with the Democratic party commenced yesterday when his legislative director up and quit on the first working day after the Republican convention, and today we have witnessed SEVERE ESCALATION. In the most “Harry Reidish” move ever, Harry Reid has brutally punished Lieberman by BANNING HIM FROM WEEKLY CAUCUS LUNCHES. Those Democratic leaders, they sure know how to shake a stick. “Now he’ll have to pack his own goddamn lunch,” Reid said, except he didn’t. [Roll Call]

The most patriotic mayor in the world will not be mayor of Detroit anymore. Kwame Kilpatrick has reached a plea bargain with authorities, so now he has to resign and serve four months in jail, and also he will repay the city ONE MILLION DOLLARS. After the jump, a quick review of the mayor’s goofy hijinks that we shall never see again now that he is an awful humiliated loser who can’t spell “Ben’s Chili Bowl.” MORE »

What is this crazy thing by sweater goblin Howard Wolfson in today’s Washington Post? It actually seems like an insightful and … dare we say, candid assessment of his Clinton-induced dementia and eventual Come to Jesus moment with Barry Obama. MORE »

So after the four hours of sunstroke and no wireless and some enthusiastic dog-whistler deafening everyone in a 30-foot perimeter of his terrifying noises, we emerged from Invesco Field and began the four hundred-mile journey on foot through Mordor. This was seriously the most complicated, arduous exit from a public venue since a half-million people stampeded out of Wolf Blitzer’s live sex show at the Republican National Convention in 1996. Follow us on a perilous journey past Jersey barriers, under abandoned bridges, through hobo encampments, and into the darkest reaches of the American id. MORE »

We are commencing the long terrible journey to Barack Obama’s Athletics Parthenon and Live Pagan Sex Spectacle. It will take approximately one million hours, and we have to stop for lunch besides, so if we do not post for a few hours it is because we are drunk or incarcerated or maybe we have expired in the heat. Wish us luck.