Tag Archives: Democrats

  Ooh he mad!

Dumb Rick Perry To Dumb Donald Trump: MEEEEEE-OW! SCRATCH! HISS!

We're guessing Perry looked a bit like this delivering his remarks.
Guess former Texas governor and current GOP clown car rumble seat occupant Rick Perry doesn’t like being called the second biggest stupid in the world, just behind Sen. Lindsey Graham. In a speech delivered Wednesday to some cohort of idiots assembled by his super PAC, Perry thought he’d set the record straight on who is the real idiot, and also who is destroying the Republican Party, and also who is literal ass cancer embodied in human Republican form. Surprise, it is Donald Trump! Read more on Dumb Rick Perry To Dumb Donald Trump: MEEEEEE-OW! SCRATCH! HISS!…
  The kids on Twitter call this "doxxing"

Donald Trump Scrawls Lindsey ‘Good Time’ Graham’s Cell Phone Number On Bathroom Wall

CALL ME MAYBE
Donald Trump, Wonkette takes it all back. You are the best Republican candidate probably since Abraham Lincoln, who wouldn’t have had to deal with that pesky Civil War if he had just gotten the Messicans to build a YOOOOOOGE wall around the traitor states and posted signs everywhere that said “Camp Moron.” Speaking to voters in Lindsey Graham’s South Carolina, Trump thought it would be a good idea to say all kinds of bad words about Sen. Graham, and then give out his personal cell phone number, in case anybody in the audience was looking for a good sexxxy time with the Senator or something. Trump was mad because Graham called him a “jackass,” which is just mean. Read more on Donald Trump Scrawls Lindsey ‘Good Time’ Graham’s Cell Phone Number On Bathroom Wall…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: More Butthurt Confederates, If You Can Believe That

Princess Sunbutt Will Rise Again!
Hey, would you believe that we’re still getting letters from angry sons, daughters, and bastard wannabe grandchildren of the Confederacy about our piece on a proposal to move Nathan Bedford Forrest’s bones out of a city park and to a private cemetery? Of course you would, because nothing inspires everlasting butthurt like a Lost Cause. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: More Butthurt Confederates, If You Can Believe That…
  wait what?

GOP Senator Enraged Obama Giving Arms To Iran, Wait That Was Reagan

Barack Obama and one of his Persian lovers.
To say that Republicans have become unhinged over President Obama’s Iran deal would be a generous understatement. But “moderate” (hahaha) Sen. Mark Kirk, Republican of Illinois, may (at least for the moment) be the most unhinged of all. Did you know that Obama reached this agreement so that we can give all the nukes to Iran so they can murder everyone in the Middle East? IT’S TRUE! At least it’s true if you live in Mark Kirk’s brain. Read more on GOP Senator Enraged Obama Giving Arms To Iran, Wait That Was Reagan…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments: Democrats Did The KKK, So Wonkette’s The REAL Racist

Fer one thing, its eyes are just teensy li'l things...
We sure did get a Passel o’ Stupid in reply to our piece suggesting that Memphis should get rid of its big Nathan Bedford Forrest statue (the public one, not the crazy-ass Nashville abomination above, which is on private land), seeing as how the guy was a vicious racist and war criminal. Except really, we mostly just got the same stupid comment, repeated with endless variations, and it looked a little something like these examples from “Angyl Ricardi,” who knows the real source of racism: Read more on Deleted Comments: Democrats Did The KKK, So Wonkette’s The REAL Racist…
  She can't even get 113 percent!

New Poll Finds Hillary Clinton Already President

Up to no good, maybe or maybe not
Try not to get too happy in your privates, but there’s a shiny new poll that shows Hillary Clinton is the winningest presidential candidate right now, by all the points: Basically, all the Democrats are like, “Yeah, we are cool with Hillz,” despite OOOOH SCARY headlines recently that she should be shaking in her pantsuit because Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders (buy your Bernie T-shirts today!) is getting some thumbs ups and big crowds at campaign events. Of course he is, because he says all the good words that make progressives go all swoony, which is why we also too love him. But and however, Clinton has been saying good words as well, which might be part of why 75 percent of Democrats are #ReadyForHillary. That, in case you did not know, is a big number. It’s bigger than the 15 percent who say Bernie is their guy, and it’s a whole lot bigger than the less than 1 percent of people who know who the hell Lincoln Chafee is. Read more on New Poll Finds Hillary Clinton Already President…
  Way Down In The Hole

Rand Paul Can Fix Racism With Tax Cuts And More Republicans

We all put our pants on one leg at a time. Or not.
Rand Paul continued his mavericky streak of being the only Republican who wants to reach out to black voters — or at least wave his hand in their general direction — with a speech Tuesday to Republicans in Baltimore, in which he made a very sincere effort to sound like someone who’s been briefed on the concept of empathy. Read more on Rand Paul Can Fix Racism With Tax Cuts And More Republicans…
  TAKE THAT HITLER-Y

Surprise! Americans Love Socialism, Want To Kiss Bernie Sanders Right On His Man-Lips

Bernie's on yr tits, winning all yr elections.
Is Bernie Sanders going to take away Hillary Clinton’s tiara and crown himself King of America, with votes? MAYBE! It turns out that, unlike the 19 Republicans running (one per Duggar child, as the Bible instructs), Sanders is real serious about his candidacy, and people are really liking what he has to say. Some of his events have even been standing-room only! Read more on Surprise! Americans Love Socialism, Want To Kiss Bernie Sanders Right On His Man-Lips…
  Are you doing politics wrong? Maybe!

Surgeons Are Conservative, Midwives Hate America. It’s Science!

Learning is fun!
Here is some science for us to play with, from Verdant Labs, which did science research data analysis collection math stuff, and also has an app to tell you how you should name your baby, which is useful if you have never heard any names before, we guess? Read more on Surgeons Are Conservative, Midwives Hate America. It’s Science!…
  war

Lindsey Graham Promises To Be Butchest, Scariest President EVER!

Nope.
Dignified and genteel Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-Other Southern White Guys) announced today that he will be seeking to lose the presidential election to Hillary Clinton, and he has two messages for US Americans: 1. He is the toughest, most badassed dude in the race, and all the foreigns are terrified of him; and 2. He is The Moderate Candidate who will bring Americans together, after our eight-year nightmare with the divisive Kenyan Socialist Commie named B. Hussein Obama. Read more on Lindsey Graham Promises To Be Butchest, Scariest President EVER!…
  ooh poll taxes!

Ohio Will Let You Vote For The Low, Low Price Of $8.50!

Ohio is even less expensive than Monopoly!
Ohio is on top of our nation’s massive problem with voter fraud. You know how Democrats do, during early voting, they vote 900 times, and then they vote 900 more times on Election Day, under the names of so many dead people. This is such a big problem that Ohio science studies show that 0.002397 percent of the votes cast in the 2012 election were bad, rude, fraudulent votes. So, we gotta tackle this! Thank goodness Ohio state Rep. Andrew Brenner is around, to put forth a new voter ID bill, Ohio HB 189, that, among other things, will charge voters $8.50, so they can get an ID for voting purposes. Poll taxes! So retro! Read more on Ohio Will Let You Vote For The Low, Low Price Of $8.50!…
  Madame Endora sees more poverty in your future

Kansas Will Make Sure Welfare Queens Can’t Get Their Palms Read On Caribbean Cruises

It is very tough coming up with new and creative ways to fuck the poor. A Missouri rep decided in March that he would try to do it by advancing a bill to make sure none of those gross people on SNAP benefits would be able to buy luxury items like seafood, because heaven forfend poor people (who are not actually spending money on lobster) have something healthy to eat. Read more on Kansas Will Make Sure Welfare Queens Can’t Get Their Palms Read On Caribbean Cruises…
  Accurate reporting is a liberal conspiracy!

Mean Federal Judge Won’t Let James O’Keefe Sue For Libel Just Because He Wasn’t Libeled, Unfair!

Behind that mask is a very sad face.
Rightwing dildo-lube-boat-enthusiast James O’Keefe is being oppressed again by activist judges and the mean liberal media. An obviously terrible judge has struck down his libel case arising from his infamous (failed) attempt to pretend to be a phone company worker for the purposes of sneaking into then-Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu’s office so O’Keefe could, we don’t know … bug it? Mess with her phone lines? Kidnap the senator and take her on a dildo lube boat ride to hell? You never know with “journalists” like O’Keefe! Whatever it was, O’Keefe and his rarely sexed pals were charged with tampering with phone lines, and they pleaded out on a lesser misdemeanor charge of simply trying to get into a federal facility using the age-old tactic of lying. Read more on Mean Federal Judge Won’t Let James O’Keefe Sue For Libel Just Because He Wasn’t Libeled, Unfair!…
  Party Like It's 1999

Centrist ‘Democrats’ Unveil Bold ‘Plan’ To Stop That Commie Elizabeth Warren

See, 'cuz the cow is straddl-- Never mind.
Since its founding in 1997, the New Democrat Coalition (NDC) has been a safe space for liberals who consider themselves “conservative-curious.” For 18 years, these still-finding-themselves Dems remained silent about their true desires. But this week, they finally came out and said what everyone knew they wanted to say. Read more on Centrist ‘Democrats’ Unveil Bold ‘Plan’ To Stop That Commie Elizabeth Warren…
  Born Arky sneering at you from just the other side of the Mississippi

Arkansas Does Not Need Your Gay Business, Gays!

Oh, we are SNEERING at our home state of Arkansas right now, so hard. You see, we grew up in Little Rock during the days of Bill Clinton, back when Arkansas was Democrat Tuff, in a very blue dog way of course, but never mind. Now it’s been overrun by the same extremist wingnuts who have taken over state legislatures and governors’ mansions all over the South and beyond, with all the stupid that naturally follows those takeovers. Right now, Arkansas is ready to let a horrid, stupid bill become law, SB 202, wherein towns and hamlets and cozy, scenic criks will be banned from passing ordinances protecting LGBT citizens from discrimination. Why this big government intrusion from Little Rock? Because, of course, gays are gross, and we have to protect reg’lar Arkansans from the “chaos” that would ensue if LGBT people were treated equally: Read more on Arkansas Does Not Need Your Gay Business, Gays!…