Tag Archives: Democrats

  Born Arky sneering at you from just the other side of the Mississippi

Arkansas Does Not Need Your Gay Business, Gays!

Oh, we are SNEERING at our home state of Arkansas right now, so hard. You see, we grew up in Little Rock during the days of Bill Clinton, back when Arkansas was Democrat Tuff, in a very blue dog way of course, but never mind. Now it’s been overrun by the same extremist wingnuts who have taken over state legislatures and governors’ mansions all over the South and beyond, with all the stupid that naturally follows those takeovers. Right now, Arkansas is ready to let a horrid, stupid bill become law, SB 202, wherein towns and hamlets and cozy, scenic criks will be banned from passing ordinances protecting LGBT citizens from discrimination. Why this big government intrusion from Little Rock? Because, of course, gays are gross, and we have to protect reg’lar Arkansans from the “chaos” that would ensue if LGBT people were treated equally: Read more on Arkansas Does Not Need Your Gay Business, Gays!…
  girls with high self-esteem

Science: Democrat Women Oppressing Democrat Men, By Beating Them In Elections Except When They Don’t

they have to be stopped
USA Today’s Ross Baker maintains a day job as a political science professor. This is a good thing for Ross. And while he is not the kind of scientist with the scary numbers that some Americans always mistrust, he is the kind of scientist who can write something so unique in its stupidity that it gets published in the editorial section of a national daily paper. Read more on Science: Democrat Women Oppressing Democrat Men, By Beating Them In Elections Except When They Don’t…
  with friends like these

WA ‘Pro-Choice Democrat’ Decides He’s Not Pro-Choice, Not A Democrat, IS A Total Jerk

Party of jerks, that's for sure
Meet Martin Moore, a nice pro-choice Democrat and member of the Federal Way City Council in Washington State. Except for how he’s not pro-choice now, and he doesn’t want to be a Democrat anymore, and oh, and he does not seem nice at all; he seems like a total 100 Percent Genuine Jerk Hole. Read more on WA ‘Pro-Choice Democrat’ Decides He’s Not Pro-Choice, Not A Democrat, IS A Total Jerk…
  The New Math

GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash

Pic via 1Funny As the year draws to a close, we here in the Washington Bureau are grateful for many things. Because we are Americans, we are most grateful for our capital-F Freedom and its valiant defenders, not least the right-wing fiscal fringers of the coming 114th Congress. These brave budget warriors will liberate us from the tyranny of traditional government math, freeing us from the chains of logic and allowing our wildest fiscal fantasies to come true. Read more on GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash…
  minor indiscretions

Pervy Pol’s Taint Leads To Private Caucus, All Political Dick Puns Currently In Use

Joseph Dee Morrissey, at least for the moment, stubbornly remains a Democratic member of the Virginia House. He was all “okay, fine, I’ll resign, GOD” after pleading guilty to a misdemeanor to avoid trial for child pornography, then announced he planned to stay in office while running in the special election for his replacement in order to remove the “taint over his seat.” He was totally busted this week campaigning in front of a grocery store, which is verboten under his day-release conditions as a criminal who sleeps in a jail, but a judge declined to lock him up for real to avoid “interfering with an election.” Read more on Pervy Pol’s Taint Leads To Private Caucus, All Political Dick Puns Currently In Use…
  Get The Huck Out Of Here

Mike Huckabee Declares Himself God’s Unqualified Instrument

Effin beyotches, amirite?
Mike Huckabee’s Saturday night show on Fox News, “Huckabee,” could soon be killed by its host’s political ambitions, putting the cable commentary landscape in danger of losing a significant source of down-home everymanliness. Following a new profile in the Washington Post about Huckabee’s non-campaign campaign, CNN’s Brian Stelter reports that Fox’s VP of programming would like to speak to the former governor regarding his future at the network at his earliest convenience. Read more on Mike Huckabee Declares Himself God’s Unqualified Instrument…
  soul searching

Stop Wasting Money And Let Conservative Dems Just Go Extinct

With votes.
On Monday, beltway bullshit scorecard POLITICO reported that nominal Democratic senators like Joe Manchin, Claire McCaskill, and Heidi Heitkamp appear eager to help the new Republican majority advance legislation. Manchin even called the idea of not working with Republicans to promote their agenda “bullshit.” They probably think that burnishing their “moderate centrist” credentials in this way will help them keep their jobs when they face the voters in 2018. They are wrong. Read more on Stop Wasting Money And Let Conservative Dems Just Go Extinct…
  If It's Sunday It's A Good Thing There's A 2:00 Replay

Scott Walker: Only ‘Fresh, Organic’ GOP Governors Can Beat Moldy Old Hillary

We have to admit, Wonketteers, that we did not stick to our Chuck Todd diet. We really did intend to get up every Sunday for Meet the Press to see Chuck’s tough questioning of the Biggest Names in News and stay in shape with his touchscreen map upper-body workouts, but it wasn’t until his first show after the Democrats were sent to live on the farm upstate that he enticed us to come back by landing an EXCLUSIVE interview with Scott Walker, King of Wisconsin. Read more on Scott Walker: Only ‘Fresh, Organic’ GOP Governors Can Beat Moldy Old Hillary…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Rachel Hearts Gordon ‘Demon Slayer’ Klingenschmitt (Video)

Let the heeling begin
On Friday’s Rachel Maddow Show, we learned that Rachel, too, is just as susceptible as we are to the charms of Colorado internet preacher — and newly elected member of the Colorado House — Gordon Klingenschimitt, who likes to exorcise Barack Obama, calling on God to drive out the “demon of tyranny who is using the White House occupant.” Read more on Morning Maddow: Rachel Hearts Gordon ‘Demon Slayer’ Klingenschmitt (Video)…
  Hey Loretta

Hey Who’s This Loretta Lynch Gal That Might Be Our New Attorney General Maybe?

Eric Holder told us a while ago that he’s resigning as Attorney General to spend more time with all his Black Panther buddies. Who would replace him as the nation’s top cop? No one knew — the thinking was that if Obama named a potential successor, every Democrat would have to have an opinion on the successor, and that might be the kind of thing that could really hurt the party’s chances in the midterms Read more on Hey Who’s This Loretta Lynch Gal That Might Be Our New Attorney General Maybe?…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Rand Paul’s Kentucky Fried 2016 Ballot Dilemma (Video)

That is one beautiful graphic, too
Here’s a weird thing that Rachel Maddow noted as part of her wrap-up of post-election silver linings the other day: Due to a Kentucky law prohibiting candidates from appearing on the same ballot for two offices, Rand Paul can’t run for both President of the USA and for re-election to the Senate. Dude’s awfully pumped to run for Preznit, but he also knows in his heart that he’s never going to be Preznit, and so he’d really like to run to keep his current job in the Senate. Kentucky Republicans had hoped to take the state House so they could just change the law and help Aqua Buddha out, but the voters were not at all compliant, and the House remains stubbornly Democratic. (Don’t they realize this was a wave election, and they are required to stand down for the new Permanent Republican Majority? Apparently not.) Read more on Morning Maddow: Rand Paul’s Kentucky Fried 2016 Ballot Dilemma (Video)…
  New plan

Democrats Have Great Exciting New Idea: Being Democrats

Here, Dems, is your new business model
Photo by Tim Pierce Here’s an idea that’s so crazy, it just might work! After the thorough ass-kicking the Democratic Party suffered on Election Day, some Democrats are considering the possibility that maybe running “Democratic” candidates who are embarrassed to be Democrats is not the best way to appeal to the Democratic Party. Crazy, huh? With candidates refusing to support Obamacare, refusing to support Democratic policies, refusing to even say “Hell, yes, I voted for Barack Obama because I am a Democrat, DUH,” the new minority is thinking maybe it’s time to get back to being Democrats. Read more on Democrats Have Great Exciting New Idea: Being Democrats…
  not quite a thousand points of light

Wonkette Lifeboat: Your Hope-Enabling Election Results

Wednesday was one long day of avoiding the news, Wonketteers, and we understand if you’ve been busy numbing your pain by shopping for shoes or guzzling dark-colored liquors, but we would be remiss if we didn’t draw your attention to a few distant bits of flickering light, barely visible through the haze of unregulated coal emissions and hog farm waste pond fumes. In our wanderings in the ruins of this week’s election results, we have found a few things intact to help you remember that you can and will feel Hope again. Scott Brown, Non-Senator, Will Be Forever Haunted By The Great Pumpkin Riot We had Fox News on here in the Washington Bureau on Election Night, so it took them a couple extra hours, but eventually even they called the New Hampshire Senate race for Jeanne Shaheen. Four percent isn’t an insurmountable margin, so Scott Brown’s got to be asking himself: what else could I have done? More donuts for the volunteers? Bigger lawn signs for the people who didn’t want to do anything useful? Another sixer downed with the tailgaters? Let us help you out there, Scott. We can tell you exactly where you went wrong. In Keene, New Hampshire, 10 days before the election, you had an opportunity to bravely lead when drunk pumpkin mobs ran wild, menacing the tax-paying residents of Keene all around the Pumpkin Festival where you were electioneering. You could have climbed on an overturned car to address the crowd as a statesman who also speaks fluent Bro and convinced the hooligans to take their beers and go back to Chad’s porch and have a good time instead of throwing skateboards at the cops. You could have been a hero, but instead you tucked your pumpkin under your arm and ran. The people of New Hampshire need a senator who will wade into the fray to protect the community and isn’t just out to save his own gourd. Minimum Wage Workers In Four States Will Get A Raise They Will Probably Blow On Food, Rent (Sorry, Illinois) Minimum wage increases were passed by popular vote in Alaska, Arkansas, Nebraska, and South Dakota, enjoying margins that any political party would kill for. After years of talk from national Republicans, including wannabe presidents, about doing away with the minimum wage, voters came together across party lines to say that people who get paid less than anyone else deserve a raise. Voters in Illinois tried to do the same, overwhelmingly endorsing a non-binding resolution to increase their minimum wage. To go into effect, it will require the passage of legislation complete with signature from the state’s brand new Republican “CEO” governor, so we’ll be watching for that to never happen for the next four years. Two States and One “State” Freed the Weed (Sorry, Florida) Despite a strong showing in Florida, medical marijuana came up just short of passage: as a constitutional amendment, it needed 60 percent and got 58, close enough to suggest that advocates will be back. Florida should try to take inspiration from Oregon, where voters managed to legalize recreational marijuana on the second try with some minor tweaks, like a cap of eight ounces per person rather than no limit at all.  In Alaska, where the governor’s race is still too close to call at the time of this writing, voters approved a ballot question calling for a Marijuana Control Board to facilitate sales and regulation of pot by a comfortable 4 points. In Washington, DC, 69 percent of voters approved marijuana legalization, following ordinances passed in recent years by the mayor and city council to allow for medical marijuana and to decriminalize minor possession. If it was a state, the District would be a pothead’s paradise, but certain members of the House Republican Caucus have made it their business to derail DC laws they don’t agree with, including recent changes to marijuana policy. We’ve never met these congressmen, who find themselves to the right of Rand Paul on this issue, since the districts they were actually elected to represent are quite a distance from Washington. We’re looking forward to hearing these small-government conservatives argue in favor of federal intervention to nullify the actions of local government. Democrats Haven’t Lost A Senate Seat In Virginia Technically, Republican Ed Gillespie hasn’t lost either, since no winner has been declared yet. With 99.88 percent of precincts reporting on Wednesday evening, incumbent Democrat Mark Warner held a lead of seven-tenths of one percent, well outside of the margin where state law allows for a recount. Even if every single vote that remains uncounted goes in Gillespie’s favor, it won’t get him to the Recount Zone, so at this point we’re just waiting for the concession speech. (We predict a fiery performance that suddenly grabs the national spotlight and a swift appointment as Senior Fellow following a bidding war among the right-wing think tanks.) The recount lawyers for both parties in Virginia are expected to remain in their bio-pods, ready to be activated in a state that remains liable to break out in a recount at any moment. So don’t despair, Wonketteers — the world is not all darkness and doom. There are even some reasons to believe access to reproductive health care won’t be totally destroyed by our new Republican overlords. Voters in North Dakota and Colorado soundly rejected “personhood” measures to outlaw all abortion and many forms of birth control, so that’s good! Also, the Senate’s Jester-Elect Joni Ernst will personally provide you with free contraceptive measures, as long as you are a male pig. You can follow Beth on Twitter.  
  Election Day clipbait

Jon Stewart: Welcome To ‘Democalypse 2014: Come On Republicans, Just Go Ahead And Take Over Already’

On the eve of Election Day, The Daily Show previews what Tuesday will probably look like and then reviews the ever-so-rational arguments of the Republican Party: If you’re looking for rational argument about how best to govern, you have to turn to the Republicans. Our nation’s true statesmen. Read more on Jon Stewart: Welcome To ‘Democalypse 2014: Come On Republicans, Just Go Ahead And Take Over Already’…
  Barack Who?

Bill Maher Right About A Thing

Sure he's a jerk. And he's dead on this time.
Bill Maher can really be a self-important, sanctimonious asshole at times. Thankfully, this is not one of them. On Real Time this week, Maher laid into all the Democrats who have been running as if Barack Obama were the ineffectual dictator Republicans have said he is. Read more on Bill Maher Right About A Thing…
  Dumb and dumber

Ann Coulter Still Getting On TV Somehow

You almost (relax, we said almost) have to pity Ann Coulter, the once semi-relevant “author” and “columnist” whose brand was being The Hot Conservative Chick, with the long blonde hair and little black dresses — oh, and the obnoxious things she’s always willing to say to get her name in the paper. She used to have slightly more pull on the Wingnut Welfare Circuit, before the greatest lady grifter of all time snowdrifted down to the lower 48 to seize The Hot Conservative Chick crown with her Neiman Marcus wardrobe and her starburst-inspiring winking, pretty much permanently putting baby Ann in a corner. (Coulter’s various dalliances with voter fraud — actual voter fraud — certainly didn’t help her reputation.) Read more on Ann Coulter Still Getting On TV Somehow…
  When did you stop assaulting your wife?

Conservative Nutjob Dennis Prager Sexually Assaults His Wife, So What’s The Big Deal?

Your lips are saying no but he's saying yes
Damn those feminists and their lies about “rape” and “sexual assault” and the “war on women” and other “things” Democrats say just to get people to vote for them. Because we all know that “hey, did you know rape is a thing?” is a winning election strategy, which is why feminists rule the country. Read more on Conservative Nutjob Dennis Prager Sexually Assaults His Wife, So What’s The Big Deal?…
  your rock and roll fantasy

Screw The Polls, Here’s How Every Democratic Senate Challenger Is Gonna Win

She's got all the goodies
We have told you a bunch of made up reasons why every single endangered incumbent Senate Democratic is actually going to win and Nate Silver can go suck a poll of likely voters. Now let’s examine the Dem candidates for open seats and those challenging vulnerable Republican incumbents. Can we use our powers of wishful thinking and nonsense to conjure an alternate reality in which they, too, will all prevail? We can! Read more on Screw The Polls, Here’s How Every Democratic Senate Challenger Is Gonna Win…
  It Could Happen

How Every Endangered Senate Democrat Will Win In November, Because Why Not

The first time I set eyes on Nate Silver, I just got that old-fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone him.
It looks like Republicans are probably going to control the Senate next year despite how people don’t like them, according to Nate Silver’s FiveThirtyEight blog and other respected nerds. In 2012, Silver famously predicted the winner of every Senate race, which was an impressive achievement for him but so boring for us. It was like finding your Christmas/”holiday” presents early. You’ll go through the motions of unwrapping your Regrets Her Abortion Barbie and Nature Despoiled II: The Warmening For Sega SexBox, but there’s no climax. The moment is flaccid; that is to say, unsuited to penetrating intercourse, never mind entertainment. Read more on How Every Endangered Senate Democrat Will Win In November, Because Why Not…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Please Don’t Agree With Us Please

Go home, Celestia, you're drunk
We’ve got mail! Or at least we’ve got people who want to leave comments, but who are not going to be admitted to the Commentariat because we don’t especially want them tromping around our parlor, especially not with what they’ve tracked in on their boots. Today, our sluicing out of the ol’ comments queue starts off with a couple of submissions from people who sorta kinda agree with something Yr Wonkette has published, but there’s just something about the comments that suggests we may not really want to invite these folks in, probably. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Please Don’t Agree With Us Please…
  Just A Distraction From ISIS

Get Ready For Your Big Benghazi HearingPalooza

It's baaaaack
Just in time for election season, the Great Big Benghazi Hearings and Airing of Grievances are starting Wednesday, so get ready for yet another round of Fox stories about “stand down” orders, Barack Obama sleeping on the job, and of course Susan Rice covering up the attack by saying that it started as a demonstration against an anti-Muslim video (which it did). Read more on Get Ready For Your Big Benghazi HearingPalooza…