George W. Bush is still president? I thought we had six presidents, mostly in Florida now, who will slowly whittle down to one: the most Changing candidate. Is Bush still doing things, laws and lies and such, and we don’t know because we’ve been watching the 2008 crowd? Did he mention a War on Syria in that speech, a surprise war, that’s somehow three, four weeks old, and we have no shred of a clue? I didn’t watch the State of the Union, but I bet it was… that.

Here’s the governor of Kansas, Kathleen Sebelius, giving the Democrat response. MORE »

10:15 — Well that was awful. Webb could sing “London Bridge” for twenty minutes and it’d be an improvement.
10:16 — URGENT CHEVY UPDATE: THIS IS OUR COUNTRY
10:18 — The 400th anniversary of the settlement of Jamestown. WTF? “We the Democratic party” — he kinda still grits his teeth when he says that.
10:19 — He’s coming to us live from an Inland Empire set.
10:21 — It takes the average worker a year to make as much as Bruce Springsteen makes in a day. Also, this country has a “historic backbone.” Apparently our jobs are disappearing. We fucking wish our job would disappear tonight.
10:22: — “We must recapture that spirit.” We’ll send in the civilian service corps.
10:23 — He’s just showing off his picture albums. We couldn’t see the picture that well, but we think it was Jim Webb’s dad with Reche Caldwell and cryingTonyRomo.jpg.
10:24 — THE CAMERA SHOULD NOT BE THIS CLOSE
10:25 — “We are now as a nation held hostage to the predictable — and predicted — chaos that has followed.” OUR CITIZENS’ PRECIOUS BLOOD IS AT STAKE. PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS BLOOD. ZOMBIE WEBB DEMANDS AN IMMEDIATE END TO THE WAR, HE WILL EAT THOSE TROOPS HIMSELF.
10:26 — Robber barons. Roosevelt. Teddy bears. We think someone bet Webb that he couldn’t namecheck every ex-President during his response. Truman? Is Korea really the best example?
10:28 — There you go. It’s over. Economic populism + war sucks. “Historic backbone” again. Our backbone is historic, our blood is precious. That was actually pretty fucking good. And now NOW CBS IS FUCKING SHILLING FOR THE POLITICO ARGH WE ARE SWITCHING TO NBC IMMEDIATELY.
10:31 — Haha just kidding! We’re turning off the tv and drinking the rest of this bottle. The State of the Union is fucking wasted, bro!