democratic national convention
DEMOCRATS TO SPEND CONVENTION WEDNESDAY PRETENDING THEY AREN’T PUSSIES: The Obama people announced on a conference call today that the Wednesday of their convention — the night the vice president speaks, assuming there ever is one — will be National Security Night, meaning it will focus on “Securing America’s Future.” You know, with guns and [...]
Law enforcement authorities had to break the sad news today that there will be absolutely no sexing at the upcoming Republican and Democratic National Conventions. Apparently, every four years a bunch of sex-worker advocacy groups issue dire predictions that prostitution will skyrocket in convention cities, and then everybody is horribly disappointed to discover that the [...]
In little more than a month, the glut of political insiders and media types that preside over Washington D.C. will all squeeze into a single cardboard box and be dropped from the Enola Gay onto Denver, leveling the city entirely and offering radiation cancer for generations of future re-colonizers. And to make our Washingtonian invaders [...]
It appears the Democrats have come up with an absurdly constipated boondoggle of a convention that will show Americans, once again, exactly why they don’t like electing Democrats. From the massive expense to the terrible lack of planning to the weird diktat about frigging food colors, this whole thing confirms everyone’s worst suspicions about Democrats [...]
This election year might be the most exciting in generations, but that doesn’t mean the conventions won’t be as boring as ever! Now that Hillary Clinton has robbed us of our last, greatest chance for a Convention Floor Fight featuring a shirtless Ted Kennedy jello wrestling a be-thonged Harold Ickes, Democratic conventioneers will be forced [...]
