Tag Archives: democrat

  Democrat Party Of One

Oh Hey There Is A New Democrat In The Senate, That’s Nice!

A rare sight: A Democrat giving a victory speech
It’s hard out there for a new Democratic senator. Scratch that: It’s hard out there for the one and only new Democratic senator. Rep. Gary Peters of Michigan (thank you, Michigan) was one of a very — very, very, very — select group of Democrats who did not have to drown all their sorrows after the Great Ass-Whoopin’ of 2014 and instead got to give a victory speech on that fateful Tuesday night. He’s the House member who beat Republican Terri Lynn Land (thank you again, Michigan). You remember Land, of course. She’s the one who, in response to suggestions that she was actually part of her party’s war on women, ran a HI-larious ad in which she said “REALLY?” and then sipped her coffee and literally had no more words to say. Turns out that ad didn’t help her. And apparently, having Jeb Bush on the campaign trail didn’t help her either. Read more on Oh Hey There Is A New Democrat In The Senate, That’s Nice!…
  strange but true but strange

Sarah Palin Is A Communist RINO Now

Wait, you're saying she was still on Fox? Huh.
Niche lifestyle brand Sarah Palin has endorsed a Democrat in Alaska’s race for governor. Really! Former Gov. Sarah Palin has endorsed gubernatorial candidate Bill Walker. […] “Last night my family, along with Byron and Toni Mallott, and our campaign staff attended a reception hosted by Todd and Sarah Palin at their lakeside property in Wasilla,” said Walker in a press release sent Wednesday. Bill Walker is not a Democrat; he’s a Palin pal who’s running as an independent. But Byron Mallott, Walker’s running mate since the two teamed up in a ballot reshuffle to screw over incumbent Republican Sean Parnell, totally nominally is a Democrat! Read more on Sarah Palin Is A Communist RINO Now…
  true grit

Look At This Fake ‘War Hero’ … Oh. Wait.

If he's not going to use a pic of himself in uniform, neither will we
From Charlie Pierce, the feel-good political story of the day: There’s this Democrat guy running for the 6th Congressional district in Massachusetts, Seth Moulton, who made it onto the radar of Boston Globe reporter Walter Robinson because while Moulton is a veteran of the Iraq War, his campaign literature has treated his service rather quietly. To Robinson, this smelled fishy — he’s made a specialty of revealing fake claims of military service and unearned medals by any number of politicians. Read more on Look At This Fake ‘War Hero’ … Oh. Wait….
  The State Of Our Union Is Drink

Wonkette Live Drunkblog State Of The Union 2014 Liveblog SOTU Search Optimized Drunk Headline

What time is the 2014 State of the Union SOTU Fox News? It is at 8:55 Eastern ET Time. What time is the Wonkette Livebloog time-stamped word salad refresh your browser to update liveblog? IT IS ABOUT AN HOUR AGO. Welcome to part two of your nonsense! Nonsensers! 10:09 p.m.: And we’re back! That was a scary couple of minutes. It’s a finely calibrated operation to move from one blog to another, nothelped by the fact that we’re drunk. 10:11 p.m.: There’s old WALNUTS! making a Peyton Manning Face. Super Bowl’s not until Sunday, Walnuts. 10:12 p.m.: Yeah, Olympics! U-S-A! U-S-A! Bring home the gold in that jumping snowmobile motorcross whatever thingie! 10:15 p.m.: So far the only times we’ve seen Boehner stand up is for the veterans, because everyone loves The Troops. Now if he could just get his caucus of rabid ferrets to actually budget some funds to help them. 10:17 p.m.: Bamz totally bringing down the room with this horrible, horrible story. Now it’s getting inspiring. Boehner looks like he’s straining to drop a deuce. Now everyone is standing to applaud this guy. Pardon us, someone seems to be chopping onions in the Wonkette Command Center. 10:18 p.m.: Still with the onions. Or maybe the dog has gas. 10:20 p.m.: Editrix informs us that the dog does not have gas and her poops are perfumed like the finest shops in Paris. Okay then. Read more on Wonkette Live Drunkblog State Of The Union 2014 Liveblog SOTU Search Optimized Drunk Headline…

Here Is Your Yuletide Sexual Harassment, Of Some Ladies So It’s Definitely A Democrat

“I got a boner when I walked into the office today when I saw you,” New York Assemblyman Dennis Gabryszak, 62, (ALLEGEDLY) told his 28-year-old communications director. That is so sweet! What young lady doesn’t want to feel pretty and powerful, knowing she can make an admirer get blood in his peepee until it throbs turgid and firm? But is that communications director the only one of Gabryszak’s employees to (ALLEGEDLY) be complimented by the New York Dem? Not according to the three ladies filing suit against him! They claim he was constantly talking about his cock, and the strip clubs he liked to go to, and their butts, and they are all mad about it, like a bunch of missish dumb prudes! They did not even appreciate it when he would look at them and ask if they were gonna make out together, all lesby-like! We know we always appreciated a boss who cared about us and wanted us to be social and make new friends! Read more on Here Is Your Yuletide Sexual Harassment, Of Some Ladies So It’s Definitely A Democrat…
  you know he's a democrat because he sexed up the ladies

BREAKING Wonkette EXCLUSIVE: John F. Kennedy Was A Democrat Actually

Today is the 50th anniversary of the day some acting-alone asshole, or maybe a bunch of assholes at the CIA or the FBI or the mob or the men’s-room attendant at the White House went and shot up that nice handsome president and ruined a perfectly good pink dress. You know all that, of course, because we have been commemorating this day for, let’s see, 50 years, with all the minute-by-minute reports and videos and sobbing recollections from our parents and grandparents about where they were that day. But what you probably didn’t know is that President Kennedy was — hold on to your hats, kids, this is gonna shock you — a DEMOCRAT. Yes, it is true. This is an actual true fact. We know, we know. You are utterly confused, because according to the same people who think tax cuts solve everything and gravity is just, like, a theory man, Kennedy was, like Martin Luther King Jr. and Jesus, a Republican. Or at least, if he could zombie himself back to life today, he’d take a look around this socialist Holocausty black-man-in-the-White-House hell hole of a country and declare himself a Republican. The self-hating masochists at Media Matters have compiled a nifty roundup of some of the right’s greatest derps. Let’s dive in and learn some stuff, shall we? Read more on BREAKING Wonkette EXCLUSIVE: John F. Kennedy Was A Democrat Actually…
  go to jail go directly to jail

Hero Hawaii Democrat Going Around Smashing Homeless People’s Stuff, Because They Are ‘Disgusting’ — Wait, What?

Hawaii News Now – KGMB and KHNL What the everloving fuck, Hawaii? You are so cool! You are HAWAII. Prezzy Bamz was born in you! You were multicultural before multiculturalism was Satan’s immigrant basket! Everybody is all mellow and high and gets along unless you are in Makaha or accidentally crash someone’s house party in Waipio Valley, in which case mad wahines might try to fight you and the cops don’t even go down there because they are scared of the 50 crazy people who live there and their feuds! At least, everybody is mellow and high and gets along except this state representative — AND DEMOCRAT — Tom Brower, who has been going around smashing homeless people’s fucking meager belongings, because of how homeless people are “disgusting” and he is going to solve the problem, WHAT! Read more on Hero Hawaii Democrat Going Around Smashing Homeless People’s Stuff, Because They Are ‘Disgusting’ — Wait, What?…
  everything is funny to you wonket

Totally Not Crazy Nevada Assembly Dem Arrested (Again) Trying To Grab Cops’ Guns

Nevada Assemblyman Steven Brooks is having a very bad year. First the North Las Vegas Democrat was arrested with a loaded weapon after (ALLEGEDLY!) threatening the life of the Democratic Speaker-elect, Marilyn someone or other. Then he gave a buckwild shirtless interview, with his attorney, Dr. Gonzo, explaining that he wasn’t crazy (INSTITUTION) you’re the one who’se crazy (INSTITUTION). Then (and we missed this one) he was put in for a psych hold after some mishigas at his grandma’s house. And now he has been arrested again, after fighting with both his mom and some cops, whose service revolvers he attempted to grab. It is a good thing he is an elected official and not, say, a random brown person in Los Angeles, or his breathing might have been permanently impaired! Read more on Totally Not Crazy Nevada Assembly Dem Arrested (Again) Trying To Grab Cops’ Guns…
  Moving On

Charlie Crist With New Party After Two Years Single

Charlie Crist used the Twitter to announce he’s switching his political affiliation to Democrat late last week, but you were probably just fine even if you forgot to take your heart meds because the news was about as surprising as, well, Charlie Crist announcing he’s a Democrat. Crist, a former wax figurine of Steve Martin at Madame Tussauds London, entered politics after a stray bolt of lightning animated him, charring his edges and rendering him incapable of portraying Steve Martin in wax. His time as Governor of Florida was littered with distinct clues predicting his recent defection, like his radical leftist position on the amount of poison people should pump in the air and that time he visited the Florida NAACP. Read more on Charlie Crist With New Party After Two Years Single…

Why Is Socialist Liberal McCain Running In Republican Primary, Anyway?

Mitt Romney must beat John McCain, or all entertainment in the world will disappear. Please, Mormon God, Jesus, other spirit things: Give Mittens the nomination. He bought the damn thing, give the man his goods. He is too beatable and, more importantly, too funny to lose. Mittens just says these… things: today he noted that John McCain follows a “liberal Democrat course.” I’m sure the crowd went wild to boot! McCain, that… Clintonist. [Time] Read more on Why Is Socialist Liberal McCain Running In Republican Primary, Anyway?…

What the Hell Is Wrong with People?

Dickcember is apparently the month that keeps on giving, as we have yet another fucked up sex thing to report. At this rate, we’re actually going to have to keep renaming all the months until people stop doing fucked up things to one another and, honestly, we’re getting a little depressed over here. So, as a favor to us for the holidays, could the rest of the pervs in the world just eat some saltpeter and/or masturbate quietly in their bedrooms without the use of illegal child porn rather than committing any more illegal/immoral acts? Kthnxbi. But, after the jump, “enjoy” the confluence of child porn, attempted entrapment, political hit jobs and First Amendment rights, courtesy of liberal San Francisco radio host (and former priest) Bernie Ward. Read more on What the Hell Is Wrong with People?…