Tag Archives: democracy

  declar...(hic)...ations

Peggy Noonan Wishes Obama Would Give Ungrateful ISIS Jihadists A Spank Right On Their Bottoms

Dammit, Mama bit into an olive pit.
Sweet Reagan’s nutsack, the cold chilled her to the bone. The snow beat against the windows of her aerie high above the deserted Manhattan streets, themselves devoid of people, filled only with great drifts of snow. She had sent her houseboy Manuel off into a howling storm to fetch more cocktail olives weeks ago and he had never returned. Perhaps, snow-blind and lost in the storm, he had wandered onto the frozen East River and fallen through the ice, or been buried under a pile of snow tossed aside by a plow, where he would stay until everything thawed and melted in the spring. Read more on Peggy Noonan Wishes Obama Would Give Ungrateful ISIS Jihadists A Spank Right On Their Bottoms…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Some Votes Are More Equal Than Others

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
On this week’s installment of The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, presented by Fartknocker, Governor Quitterpants looks right into the camera and argues with herself for six minutes. Democracy is good, Palin says, and since the Republicans won in 2014, the will of the voters must be respected. In 2012, however, when Barack Obama became the first president since Eisenhower to win at least 50% of the national vote in successive elections — well, that didn’t count. Not in the same way, anyhow. The voters did not vote to make Barack Obama king in 2012; instead, they voted to make Republicans king in 2014. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Some Votes Are More Equal Than Others…
  we must we must we wust bust the trust

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Free Enterprise No Matter What

The Progressive Era presents a tricky challenge for our rightwing Christian U.S. History textbooks. On the one hand, they are firmly in the pro-capitalism cheering section; on the other hand, they can’t entirely deny that by the turn of the 20th Century, there was a lot about the free market that wasn’t working so great. Happily, they have something of an out, because if  capitalism fails to make everyone happy and prosperous, that can be blamed on Sin — so regulation of business would be unnecessary if only more people turned to Jesus. In any case, both of our textbooks grudgingly admit that Progressives did some good, but also warn that a lot of scary liberal ideas lurked in the background. As usual, our 8th-grade text America: Land I Love (A Beka, 1994), is happy to explain exactly what students should think about this stuff (and that will be on the test): Teddy Roosevelt did more than anyone else to popularize the Progressive Movement, a widespread effort to make changes in the American political system. Some of these changes were good, because they introduced reforms to take corruption and inefficiency out of government. But some led to government intervention in business and industry. Which of course, can only be a bad thing, because FREEDOM. But far worse for Land I Love is the dangerous notion that government can solve problems, which everyone knows is just wrong: Progressives often made the mistake of believing that government regulation of private property could solve poverty, crime, and other problems of human nature. Why is believing such a thing a mistake? Didn’t you see the sacred words “private property?” We’ve got our eye on you; don’t make us call your parents. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Free Enterprise No Matter What…
  only commies want their workers off food stamps

DC Approves Living Wage Bill Despite Wal-Mart’s Threat To Take Its Ball And Go Home

Here is a number that has put District of Columbia Mayor Vincent C. Gray in the unenviable position of deciding who writes legislation for his city — Wal-mart, or the democratically elected city council: 12.50. See, the D.C. council, interested in shielding city residents from a cycle of endless poverty and government dependency, have voted for a living wage law mandating that retailers with indoor premises of over 75,000 sq feet and $1 billion in annual revenue pay their employees at least $12.50 per hour. Walmart is threatening to leave DC if the mayor does not veto the bill, saying it cannot possibly afford to pay employees at least $12.50 per hour, given that it can only afford to pay its CEO a paltry $20.7 million per year and is the number 2 company in the Fortune 500 list. Via the Washington Post: Read more on DC Approves Living Wage Bill Despite Wal-Mart’s Threat To Take Its Ball And Go Home…
  those stupid confused voters

Ohio Secretary of State John Husted Refuses to Comply With Court Order That Would ‘Confuse’ Voters

Remember when Ohio Republican Secretary of State John Husted tried to extend voting hours in Republican counties, and then when everyone bitched and moaned about it he was all FINE, I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND AND NO ONE GETS WEEKEND VOTING, and then it came out that this was all part of a heroic plan to save the election from being sullied by certain kinds of voters? Well, now Jon Husted has had it with all of these shenanigans and with the contortions of the electoral process. This has become too darned confusing, all these voting hours being extended and then not extended and then extended for everyone except for “urban” people and whatnot, so he’s refusing to comply with a court order to expand voting hours so that voters are not “confused.” Read more on Ohio Secretary of State John Husted Refuses to Comply With Court Order That Would ‘Confuse’ Voters…
  urban americans

Hero Elections Officials in Ohio Save Voting Process From Black People

It is kind of an open secret these days that the GOP is marching ever closer towards becoming a far-right nationalist movement that self-legitimates using Biblical discourse combined with claims to a monopoly on expressions of American authenticity. So we shouldn’t really be too surprised every time a prominent Republican says something overtly racist, in an email, to a member of the press, about voting rights and who should have them and on what schedule. And yet we ARE surprised! We are kind of shocked actually! Not just this time, but every single time! We think this is probably because we are bleeding heart liberals who do not watch Fox News and are thus shielded from what America has become, although we welcome other theories. Anyway, Franklin County (Ohio) Elections Director William Anthony Republican Party chair and elections board member Doug Preisse (sorry, don’t know how we fucked up that one!) is firm on preventing early in-person voting because it is only “fair” and “reasonable” for voting to take place on a schedule that fails to accommodate urban people, by which he means black people, which he is actually kind enough to state outright in an email to a reporter with the Columbus Dispatch: Read more on Hero Elections Officials in Ohio Save Voting Process From Black People…
  what is 'legal'?

In Michigan, It Is Totally Not Illegal To Pay Your Political ‘Opponents’ To Take A Dive

Back in May, Michigan Speaker of the House Jase Bolger (he of your Wonkette’s Do Not Sex list) convinced state Rep. Roy Schmidt to switch parties and join the GOP. Then Bolger and Schmidt hatched a plan to ensure Schmidt wouldn’t have to face an actual opponent in his re-election bid. For democracy! Schmidt waited until the filing deadline to switch parties and enter the race as a Republican. He also recruited a 22-year-old GNC clerk who didn’t actually live in Schmidt’s district to “run” against him as a Democrat and lose. And because Schmidt and Bolger are political geniuses, they had the same person file both candidates’ paperwork! Read more on In Michigan, It Is Totally Not Illegal To Pay Your Political ‘Opponents’ To Take A Dive…
  all hail presidente cuervo

Happy ‘It’s Not Mexican Independence’ Day!

It is Tequila and Mini-Sombreros Day in America, hooray! It always seems like Cinco de Mayo should be Mexican Independence Day — dressing to match a national flag and getting wasted on a holiday named after its date on the calendar is how independence days are done, right? But today is actually the day when much of the United States unwittingly celebrates a Mexican military victory in 1862 over the asshole French army of Napoleon III that was in the process of trying to swoop in for some colonial sloppy seconds and take over the country (which they did, briefly). How did this become an American holiday? New historical research from a UCLA professor provides an idea of the celebration’s earliest appearance in the United States, and it is lovely. Read more on Happy ‘It’s Not Mexican Independence’ Day!…
  genius

WI GOP Lawmakers Have Bright Idea: Just Ban Pesky Recalls

Irate constituents are just the worst, aren’t they? Republican lawmakers in the Wisconsin state Assembly are grown weary of all this recall mischief, and they refuse to be victimized by voters any longer. Why do Wisconsinites fail to understand how governing is very difficult work, like for example how you can develop carpal tunnel syndrome copy-pasting the seventy hundred ALEC memos that David Koch poops out to his spam list each day into the draft legislation template to send over to the Capitol? IT IS TOUGH. But since you jerks refuse to chill out, the Wisconsin state Assembly has passed a bill proposing a constitutional amendment banning recall elections unless an elected official has been “charged with a serious crime or if there is a finding of probable cause that they violated the state code of ethics.” Why didn’t anyone think of this before? Read more on WI GOP Lawmakers Have Bright Idea: Just Ban Pesky Recalls…
  new study proves it

Dumb People Not Clever Enough To Choose Smart Candidates

Why do dumb people always vote for terrible candidates? It’s because they’re dumb! This is according to new scientific studies, according to some website: The research, led by David Dunning, a psychologist at Cornell University, shows that incompetent people are inherently unable to judge the competence of other people, or the quality of those people’s ideas. For example, if people lack expertise on tax reform, it is very difficult for them to identify the candidates who are actual experts. They simply lack the mental tools needed to make meaningful judgments. Read more on Dumb People Not Clever Enough To Choose Smart Candidates…
  aristotle is laughing

Utah To Pass ‘Basil Marceaux’s Law’

Never mind that textbooks already teach that this country is a republic: A bill that would ensure Utah students learn the U.S. is a compound constitutional republic — not a democracy — has passed both Houses of the Legislature and is now headed to the governor for his signature. […] Read more on Utah To Pass ‘Basil Marceaux’s Law’…
  leading political theorists

Serially Unemployed Meghan McCain Has Thoughts On Wisconsin Workers

What is Meghan McCain up to these days? When she’s not buying AC/DC pajamas at Walmart for her new Daily Beast colleagues Howard Kurtz and Andrew Sullivan, she’s been very hard at work composing her fortnightly column. Yes, that’s every two weeks. What a workload! Tina Brown should be careful; Meghan could hurt her back and be on disability for months. Meghan tried her best to come up with an opinion on the Wisconsin unions and runaway state senators. She really did! The result doesn’t really make sense, but we think she’s trying to say unions should just let it go and allow the state government to do whatever it wants, because this is all hurting society. Sure, Meg agrees a $89,000 a year salary doesn’t “seem” like a lot of money for people who don’t have trust funds, but humanity itself will be doomed if we continue to let unions collectively bargain. Read more on Serially Unemployed Meghan McCain Has Thoughts On Wisconsin Workers…
  american idol

U.S. Sends Egypt a Script For How This Will All Play Out

For some reason (won the journalist street beatdown sweepstakes?), Christiane Amanpour scored an exclusive interview with Hosni Mubarak, and this is what she was told: “He told me that he is fed up with being president.” Fed up! You know, it was fun for thirty years, but he’s not just feeling it anymore for some reason, you know? These silly protestors shouldn’t have bothered being attacked by his thugs, because he was going to quit anyway. Meanwhile, the Obama administration is letting Egypt know they have a plan for everything. It would be nice if Egypt transitioned to democracy, but it would be nicer if they did it the way the U.S. wanted it to. It’s the American motto: “May God let us meddle in your affairs.” Read more on U.S. Sends Egypt a Script For How This Will All Play Out…
  a series of principled decisions

Hey, Here Is a Photo of Obama Egypt Anti-American Groups Can Use!

Hey America, guess what your government did today? It sad idly while some security forces it funded in another country set their hoses on anti-dictatorship protesters who were praying. Yes, it appears that Egypt has gone to crap, and its authoritarian regime may soon crumble in the name of freedom. And where will the American president be in all of this? Standing next to that dictator, smiling, on millions of election posters for anti-American political parties very soon. There are many of these photos to choose from! Yes, the people of the Muslim world finally are standing up for themselves and for freedom, just like ol’ Georgey Bush wanted. But the United States of America is not joining them. Oh, there will be a “review” of our relations with this regime in “coming days,” according to Robert Gibbs. Hmm, too late? Decades too late, maybe? Read more on Hey, Here Is a Photo of Obama Egypt Anti-American Groups Can Use!…
  voice of america

Obama: Anti-Dictator Demonstrators Should Stand Down

In Tuesday’s State of the Union address, Barack Obama did what every president does in that thing: He praised people around the world who rose up for democracy and against authoritarian regimes. It was because these people Thought Big and American that freedom would Win the Future! But though Obama praised voters in Sudan and demonstrators in Tunisia, he said nothing about what was going on in Egypt. In fact, he’s been completely quiet about Egypt. That is, until he was cornered on YouTube yesterday, of all things, by noted journalist the Keyboard Cat or whatever. According to Obama, the regime in Egypt is trying to be more democratic. And as for the demonstrators? He’s not going to say they shouldn’t want democracy. But he’s not supporting what they’re doing. Read more on Obama: Anti-Dictator Demonstrators Should Stand Down…
  winning the future

Man With Pencil: Christians Should Abandon Democracy, Support Dictator

Look, sooner or later, the evangelical Christians were going to lose out on this democracy thing. There’s just not enough of them for their views to supersede the desired liberties of the majority. If they want to hold on to power, they’re going to have to return to their roots by supporting a new dictatorship. And the man with the pencil will be just the one to do it. Read more on Man With Pencil: Christians Should Abandon Democracy, Support Dictator…
  pandaleaks

It’s All Going To Be OK: The Zoo Pandas Signed a Five-Year Extension

Why do we suddenly see members of Congress referring inanely to nerdface Hu Jintao, the weakest leader in the history of the People’s Republic of China, as a “dictator” and a murdering “gangster”? Our pandas have been SECURED. That’s right, Washington, your pandas have signed a five-year extension, so you can rest assured that your mediocre zoo will continue to be somewhat used for something other than as a jogging track. “The pandas may be a cultural attraction we had to borrow from China, but everything in Washington is borrowed from China, and we need something to put on our Metro cards.” But despite the free speech grandstanding, if China suddenly becomes a democracy we probably will lose the pandas, haha. Read more on It’s All Going To Be OK: The Zoo Pandas Signed a Five-Year Extension…
  the oracle of tennessee

Basil Marceaux’s Midterm Predictions

When you’re looking for a solid prediction of today’s results, to whom do you really want to turn? Nate Silver? Mark Halperin? The Cook Political Report? No. You turn to this campaign season’s best candidate, Basil Marceaux. Marceaux told us the Republicans will win three seats, which is enough to control the House. (To be fair, before he said this he was discussing about the FEC, which he says controls the whole system, making our country a democracy, even though the Pledge of Allegiance says it’s a republic.) After the jump, Basil makes his prediction in the Nevada Senate race. Read more on Basil Marceaux’s Midterm Predictions…
  kill chavez and take his oil

Election Observers Will Observe Hugo Chavez’s Earthquake Machine

“Election observers” (CIA people) are in Venezuela, probably trying for another coup d’etat? Let’s hope so! As international delegates begin trickling into Venezuela to oversee Sunday’s National Parliamentary election, some in this nation of 27 million say there are too few coming too late to watch the hotly contested vote. Read more on Election Observers Will Observe Hugo Chavez’s Earthquake Machine…
  journalistic negligence

White House Transcriptionists Beg For Trade Group Leadership Role

The race for who will rule the captured souls of the White House Correspondents’ Association has begun, and it is almost exactly like regular politics. Ballots aren’t due until July 15, but WHCA reporters are whispering these actual things to each other, at work, right now: “My expectation was that I would be running unopposed” and “The basic issue for me is access” and “I’m charming.” Read more on White House Transcriptionists Beg For Trade Group Leadership Role…
  online fetish shows

Michele Bachmann Performs Online Tonight — Don’t Miss Out!

OMG you guys, this is more awesome than a Night Ranger/Styx double-bill: According to the teabagging fetishist website Ensuring Liberty, “rock star” Congressvixen Michele Bachmann will be performing LIVE and IN CONCERT at a virtual town hall meeting tonight at 8 PM EST, with fellow Congressional “rock star” Steve King as her opening act. Real America’s two greatest talents will perform a set of shriek-y fight-the-power ballads about “the disasterous [sic] implications of the Dodd Financial Reform Bill,” and other things that make them feel all emo inside. Then they’ll answer questions from viewers at home — that’s you, maybe! — about their latest collaborative EP, We Poop Flags, available at Walmarts and feed mills now. Read more on Michele Bachmann Performs Online Tonight — Don’t Miss Out!…