If there’s one thing everybody can agree upon, it’s that the brave democracy protesters in Iran deserve at least our moral support, right? It’s not like it costs money or risks our safety to, say, put a “me too” green stripe on our dumb blogs, right? NO WRONG, IDIOTS, Ron Paul just cast the lone opposing vote on the harmless House Resolution 560, “Expressing support for all Iranian citizens who embrace the values of freedom, human rights, civil liberties, and rule of law, and for other purposes.” MORE »

Here’s more of John McCain making a damn ruckus over Iran. He truly believes that the United States must do whatever it can — use all available options! — to ensure Iran counts all votes in its domestic presidential election. (And it also needs to ensure that Ahmadinejad loses, regardless of how the votes play out. Democracy!) Just remember, again, that if WALNUTS! were president right now, you would be dead, regardless of age, as all Americans would have been shipped out to fight in the wars in Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, China, Russia, Spain, France, Mexico, “Africa,” Spain again, North Korea, Greece, Italy, Nazi Germany, the Carolinas, and Neptune. [MSNBC]

As anyone who has seen White Nights can attest, there is one force in the world more dangerous and powerful than love. Or democracy. Wonkette operative “Ivan” sends us this image captured by the New York Times, in which we see secret agents smuggling this highly volatile substance into a major metropolitan area in Pakistan. MORE »

Last Tuesday, as tornadoes swept the South and the Midwest struggled beneath a blanket of snow, the weather showed it would stop at nothing to foil the progress of Democracy. Now the weather has set its sights on Virginia and the Carolinas, sending down a plague of hellfire and howling winds–just in time to stop presidential hopefuls Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton from campaigning in the area. MORE »

Peter Funt, son of twisted sadist Allen Funt, has had it up to here with all these polls! Who cares what a representative sampling of Americans think about things! Not this not-quite-famous person, that’s for sure! To be fair, The Today Show did apparently have some sort of “America’s Best Sandwich” poll, clear proof that our national obsession with “voting” has gone too far. MORE »

Top U.S. generals in Iraq have some bad news for fans of Democracy: Iraq cannot have some.

Nearly five years into the greatest American war ever, Army brass are finally admitting what nearly everyone else on Earth (including Dick Cheney) has known for so many years: Bombing the fuck out of a distant country for no actual reason and killing half a million of its people and scattering its armed military forces and destroying its entire infrastructure and executing its government and raping its children and elderly in torture chambers and forcing its educated and professional classes to flee to other countries is not, in fact, a surefire way to spread democracy in the Middle East. MORE »

What has crazy old man Mike Gravel been up to since he left the Senate 200 years ago? He founded a nonprofit called “The Democracy Foundation” whose aim is nothing less than the complete and utter destruction of American democracy as we know it. Because Mike Gravel and his little organization want to put you, the people, the stupid, stupid people, in charge. MORE »

By Alex Pareene
Wonkette Foreign Service
Friday, April 20, 2007; Page A01

WASHINGTON, April 19 — This was Tanko Bala’s life before the arrival of democracy: He had a steady job at a factory, a predictable supply of electricity in his home and a few of life’s indulgences. Milk with his morning tea. Movies in the evenings.

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“Senior administration officials have acknowledged to me that they are considering alternatives other than democracy,” said one military affairs expert who received an Iraq briefing at the White House last month and agreed to speak only on condition of anonymity.
-New York Times, today. MORE »

You ever have one of those days where you just want to quote the Mencken line about Democracy being the theory that the people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard over and over and over again? Today is one of those days. Good people of Washington and points beyond, we give you Senator Ted Stevens (R-AK), explaining why he voted against “net neutrality”: MORE »

* Bush pines for his Crawford crib. [HuffPo]
* Tell Congress exactly whose house America is. [PowerLine]
* Looking for a split-level in a good school district with minimal air raid attacks? Check out a liberal democracy. [Dean's World]
* Move to Massachusetts and break your legs. Don’t cost nothin’. [Q and O]
* Or stay home; can you really afford not to? [Boi From Troy]