Tag: delegates

Sounds like he needs to SPLAIN some things to his campaign.

If It’s Bernie Or Bust, And It Won’t Be Bernie, What Does That Leave?

The BOO-erners were much more scarce on Night Two of the convention, just as we predicted!

So What Was The Deal With The Rules Freak-Out At The RNC Yesterday? A Wonksplainer!

We Saw The Best Minds Of The #NeverTrump Movement Destroyed By Madness, Starving, Hysterical

It’s Super Tuesday Again! (For The Eleventy-Millionth Damn Time)

Now updated with some results! Hey, people in the Northeast who don't live in New York or Massachusetts or whatever! You live in Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, Pennsylvania and Rhode Island, and you are wearing a sticker on your boob...
Ben Carson celebrates his 3rd place finish in the 16th District

Ben Carson Beats Ted Cruz With Both Eyeballs Tied Behind His Back (Because He Is Sleeping)

As the dust and clichés settle following the New York primary, two things are at least clear: 1) Donald Trump had a YOOOGE win, except in Manhattan, where people apparently know him, and 2) Somehow, Ben Carson won...
We remember virtually nothing about the sequel.

New York Primary’s A Whompin’

After all the interminable buildup, the New York primaries finally arrived, and boy, howdy, what a passel of excitement they brought! The polls closed, and then MSNBC declared the Democratic race too early to call. Eventually, Hillary Clinton somehow...
Just listen to those sons of beaches go

Virgin Islands GOP Delegate Meeting Escalates Quickly

A meeting of U.S. Virgin Islands Republicans went a little nutso Saturday, complete with shouting matches, screams for points of order, and at least one delegate getting shoved to the ground, allegedly. While the clusterfuck was due to political...
During mating season, the male tortoise may exhibit a number of threat displays

Trump Pal Roger Stone Promises Anti-Trump RNC Delegates Room Service, With Fists

Longtime GOP dirty trickster Roger Stone (who really does have a tattoo of Nixon on his back) may have quit or been fired from the Donald Trump campaign last summer, but he's still serving the Great Man on an...

Little Marco Rubio Drunk-Texts GOP, Begs For One More Hot Night With His Delegates

"WHAT?!" That is what you are saying right now, because you are confused as to why we are talking about "Marco Rubio" and his "delegates" since he unceremoniously dropped out of the 2016 race, after failing so hard he...

Some Chick ‘Made History’ On Super Tuesday, We Guess

Maybe you do not like her. Maybe you hate her. Maybe you think she is untrustworthy, unlikable, unelectable, unwhateverable. She is too stiff and double-entendre frigid. She is too crybaby emotional and shouty and shrill. She travelgated to Whitewater to drown-murder Vince Foster...
Honestly, we like the lady in the 'Educators for Hillary" shirt behind her. She's just thrilled to be there.

Your Post-Nevada, Post-South Carolina, Post-Bushpocalypse Caucus/Primary Wrapup!

The people of Nevada and South Carolina have spoken, or at least the people in the Democratic and Republican parties of those states have, respectively, and the message is clear: Nobody likes Jeb Bush, so he's taking his exclamation...

Ted Cruz Running For President Of Guam

The road to the White House goes directly through Guam, said no one ever, but don't tell that to Canadian-Cuban-Dickfungus-American Ted Cruz: The Cruz campaign has dispatched political consultant Dennis Lennox to Guam to organize in advance of that island’s...

HILLARY CLINTON WILL BE FORMALLY NOMINATED AT DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION: "Reports of strife between negotiators for Sen. Hillary Clinton and Sen. Barack Obama are exaggerated and the two sides are nearing an agreement on how Clinton's delegates will participate in...

Dejected Clinton Delegate Expresses Sadness With Pretty Letterhead

Here's the first page of a real letter from some sad panda named Marvin D. Wells, one of 28 pledged Hillary Clinton delegates from Washington State who will still cast his vote for her at the national convention in...

Lanny Davis Continues Remarkable Streak Of Douchebaggery

Lanny Davis, the staunch Clinton ally and textbook definition of why our society hates lawyers, has spent the last month or two or sixteen making a fool of himself as he tries to ruin Obama's chances in November. During...

Is Our Hillary Going To Drop Out Or Not? Someone Find Out!

Can Obama do it? Can Hillary force herself to lose? Every reporter in the country is scanning e-mails, harassing sources, divining from "expense reports," following travel schedules, monitoring clandestine superdelegate meetings, et cetera et cetera and so forth, to...