delaware
Seemingly Racist Delaware Park Signs Merely Really Stupid, Not Apartheid For Your Spanishes
So here’s a thing that’s been going around the intarwebs for a few days: Signs at two school playgrounds in Milford, Delaware, have totally different meanings in Spanish and English. The English version is the usual legal ass-covering warning telling parents that they need to supervise their children. The Spanish, version, however, translates to “You [...]
Hello Beggars, Here Is Your Newt’s Last Chance Liveblog
New York, come on down! Pennsylvania! Connecticut! Rhode Island! DELAWARE! Politico says Scientology founder L. Newton Hubbard has a chance to win in Delaware, but mostly the article is like haha madeyalook! Newt is done. Roasted. On a spit with an apple. Make sure to turn him evenly, to give the skin that lovely crackle. [...]
Announcement: Live-Blogging Of Ye Olde Delaware Primarye To Commence Sometime Maybe
Howdy, pardners! Kirsten Boyd Johnston and other special guests (me) will be OCCUPYing THE TELEVISION to relate to you some things what are said thereon, about this, the 412th electoral contest of the Republican primary season! We will be doing this maybe at like 8 p.m. Eastern, WHO EVEN KNOWS? Mitt Romney will probably say [...]
Newt Gingrich Will Reassess His Plan To Declare Himself American Emperor
Newt, Newt, our hero Newt, what are you talking about? Weren’t we supposed to ride this train all the way to Tampa and fuck shit up at the convention? Now you’re saying you’re going to reassess the campaign after tonight. Weak, Newt. The Newt of ’78-’94 wouldn’t have caved like this. That Newt would’ve castrated [...]
Christine O’Donnell Reminds Everyone She Still Wants Some of Their Money
Oh, look what nonsense is filling up our inbox already this morning! Unemployed sorceress Christine O’Donnell is out and about grifting with the pros these days, hawking her new memoir that some Tea Party guy thinks you should buy out of “love and support” for this person you had almost entirely forgotten existed until she [...]
Christine O’Donnell Bravely Refuses To Be On TeeVee Dancing Show
Delaware clown-fish Christine O’Donnell used to go on the teevee all the time because hey, free snacks backstage! Maybe even a few hundred bucks! And she would just say whatever popped up in her weird head — masturbation, “dates” beneath Satanic alters, other witch issues. But, apparently, Christine O’Donnell had a brief moment of self-awareness [...]
Christine O’Donnell: FBI Is Under Spell of Evil Warlock Joe Biden
Christine O’Donnell has put out a press release about her investigation by the FBI for misuse of her campaign funds, spent on personal expenses and a hovel-condo where she cooked lost children, presumably. Somehow, the press has not taken this statement and immediately reprinted the important facts it has brought to light. “So given that [...]
FBI To Put Christine O’Donnell In Azkaban For Campaign Fraud
An anonymous source has told AP that perennial Senate witch Christine O’Donnell is under investigation by the FBI for campaign fraud. Which is too bad, because the entire news media would like to high-five this source right now. So how did the crack FBI team figure out that O’Donnell was “using campaign money to pay [...]
Don’t Tell Us You May Actually Elect Christine O’Donnell, Delaware
“Coons Camp Expresses Turnout Worries.” “Delaware Dems claim GOP intimidation by O’Donnell backers, worry over turnout.” OH C’MON, YOU GUYS. Don’t tell us this could actually happen. We refuse to believe Americans can actually elect this person to high federal office. Yes, these are Americans we are talking about, but give us a break. So [...]
Christine O’Donnell’s Campaign Too Dumb To Get Infomercial Tape In On Time
So, about that 24-minute ad? “1 minute until the premiere of our 30 minute feature. Tune in to meet all the heart warming people I’ve met on the campaign trail. Ch. 28,” O’Donnell tweeted Sunday night. But the ad never aired. A few minutes later, O’Donnell tweeted: “Okay… this is NOT our show! Must be [...]
Christine Buys 30-Minute Ads To Remind Delaware She’s Crazy
Christine O’Donnell is still lagging in the polls (REALLY?) one day out, so the obvious game-changer this woman needs is to create a half-hour infomercial about herself and buy time to air it on the Hallmark Channel or whatever. Actually, she could only manage to say the same trite thing about taxes for twenty-four minutes, [...]
Some Weird Guy Says He Got Naked With Christine O’Donnell Once
Who is mackin’ on Christine O’Donnell here in this crappy bar somewhere with Philadelphia Eagles posters on the fake paneling? Why is she rocking the “sexy insect” costume? Didn’t she know Halloween is for Witches? Well, whatever masturbating happened on this night was of the “mutual” variety, according to the anonymous author of this Gawker [...]
Political Mailers Make Americans Shriek, Vomit
Adults hate getting mail, because these so-called “written correspondences” are almost always just bills, bills, corn syrup coupons and more bills. (Only children like getting mail, because their mail is always birthday or 9/11 checks from grandma.) This is why sending out “political mailers” is probably not very effective — “no mail is good mail,” [...]
Christine O’Donnell To Head-Crush Radio Station
Christine O’Donnell went on a local conservative radio show yesterday to talk about her campaign. After finishing this interview, that campaign told the radio station it would “crush” it if it didn’t turn over the videotape of what transpired, though it’s kind of hard to destroy an interview that was broadcast live on the air [...]
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