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Tag: defense spending

sunny day? let's roll

Rich People Don’t Like Their Gelato Treats :/ And More In Your Class-War Roundup!

America is at its best when teaming up with its patriotic contractors to blow enormous piles of cash on military programs. And none blow more than the F-35. After 15 years of your standard cost overuruns and totally predictable...
Any resemblances to an actual 9-year-old boy purely coincidental

Tom Cotton Dedicates First Senate Speech To Hitler

Brand new Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton has been a busy boy! After the rousing success of his dumb letter advising Iran that it shouldn't bother negotiating a nuclear deal because President Ted Cruz is going to bomb them anyway,...

GOP Lawmaker Wants To Raise Taxes Now For Some Reason (Hint: War)

Add another tally to the "Yes" column on the "Is 2012 the year of the Apocalypse?" score sheet: a Republican in Congress has discovered the virtues of "revenue increases," the polite society term for the more vulgar swear "tax...

GOP Senators Beg Frugal Pentagon to Request More Expensive War Toys

A group of weepy warlords in the Senate including ol' Jowls McGoo Joe Lieberman are busily soiling their Depends over a $487 billion planned reduction in defense spending over the next decade that was included in the White House...

House GOP Earning Salary Today Worrying About Strip Clubs

Oh how thoughtful, House Republicans are bringing to the floor today a bill to close some kind of sexy-sounding "strip-club loophole" in what, campaign spending disclosure rules or something? No? NO. Oh right, it's a bill meant to stop...

Why Does Herman Cain Think China Is North Korea?

The lamestream media has bedeviled Herman Cain with another one of its merciless "gotcha" questions: how does the Herman Cain view China's military? Aww, shit.... hm. They're bad? They're just really bad, super seriously awful and peace, Herman wants...

Fancy Fighter Jets Costing Nation Zillions of Dollars Do Not Work

So what do these double super killer stealth F-35 fighter jets go for these days? A few million dollars? A hundred million? A BILLION DOLLARS? No, none of those things. It is actually more like, "a trillion dollars." We...

Shutdown-Averting ‘Budget Package’ Actually Increases Spending This Year

Last November, the Teabaggers won the House for the Republicans, which meant government spending and all post-18th century bureaucracy was gone forever, yay. Except, that big budget deal that saved us all from government shutdown? It's going to make...

Lt. Col.: Army Manipulated Senators With Psy-Ops

According to Rolling Stone, a music periodical primarily concerned with the U.S. military, a lieutenant general serving in Afghanistan, William Caldwell, ordered a "psychological operations" team to target U.S. senators and other "VIPs" visiting Afghanistan who met with him...

Defense Spends $450,000 On Flying Over Football Stadium Closed Off To Sky

For absurdity, how about those four Navy F-18s flying over the stadium - with its retractable roof closed? Everybody inside could only see the planes on the stadium's video screens. It was strictly a two-second beauty shot. Know what...

Fiscal Commission: Smithsonian, Pandas To Blame For National Deficit

Your Wonkette recently suggested that our new Orange Overlord should privatize the Smithsonian, because that's what Alexander Hamilton kept blogging about, in the Federalist Papers. Well, good things come to those who wait (for the co-chairs of the National...

Why Won’t Obama Let GE Build Its Awesome Airplane Engine?

We can all agree that we should cut down the deficit, right? And most rational people believe that the way to do this is to go through the budget line by line and remove wasteful liberal spending like...

Rejected Pun Headlines: ‘Sorry Charlie,’ ‘Rangel Wrangles Ethics Charges,’ Etc.

Charlie Rangel is going on trial! Did you even know that Congress could put people on trial, for ethics violations? Well, they can, but they don't usually, because most Congressfolk generally just say "Yeah, you caught me"...

Bill Kristol: Spend Money On Military, Not Fanciful Green Thingies

Just now your editors were having a little talky about our secret boyfriend, the New York Times' token cross-dressing felcher Bill Kristol. "His column is boring and moderate this week," said our Jim Newell. "He probably has some solid...

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