Larry King’s a crazy lady now! Watch “her” guests, Ron Paul and the super-crazy Baldwin brother, get shouty about, um, Michael Phelps, teevee’s “The Aquaman,” because Phelps sat poolside with teevee’s Matt Lauer one time to talk about “celebrating” (getting high). Did you know Lauer was nearly killed by a deer today? [YouTube]

Sweet lord Jesus, Gilbert Genn must love lobbying more than life. This proud lobbyist and former Maryland state delegate was leaving his house in Gaithersburg to go walk his dog and the next thing you know a terrifying deer wandered into his yard and started ramming him in the groin with its Antlers of Doom. And do you know what this valiant Democrat did? He tended to the bloody wound with a frigging BINDER CLIP so that he could go lobby the Maryland House Speaker. (After the meeting he finally dragged his bloody ass to the hospital.) MORE »

Martin “Pete” Castle of Frederick County, Maryland (the outer of outermost commutes) was in his garage when a deer decided to seize the opportunity of his apparent absence to attack his front window, couch, wife and sliding glass doors. The obviously possessed deer, however, didn’t count on the confusion of curtains or the ability of a sliding glass door to withstand an attack. In her confusion, Pete seized the opportunity and wrestled the deer to the couch, holding her in a half-Nelson (half-Bambi?) until animal control officers arrived. Pete’s wife, though, is pretty pissed about all the blood, which Pete is obviously not bothering to help clean up because it takes him more than 2 hours a day to get to and from his job because he lives in Frederick Fucking County. [Boston.com]

Here’s a double-breaking update to this morning’s outrage at the Vice President’s Official Residence:

I read the piece on the dead deer in front of the Naval Observatory. I saw it too. I was walking to work and tried my best to look away. It is a mystery why it was there so long. Wouldn’t the Secret Service have removed it? Sorry I didn’t get a picture.

Yeah, we’re sorry too! More intrigue, after the jump.

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