AMERICA IS THE NEW SPAIN! Now that even Newsweek is admitting the United States is finished as a world leader of anything beyond nacho-cheese-sauce consumption and MySpace profiles of fat gals, who will bravely lead America’s decline and collapse? [Political Machine]

Having a crappy day? It’s about to get worse. There’s another GOP debate this afternoon, at the absurd hour of 4 p.m. Washington time, and 3 p.m. Detroit time — the debate is happening in Dearborn, tragic graveyard of the American Dream. So, at least all the unemployed people in Michigan are free to watch it. But they won’t because they’re all Democrat/labor union people, or maybe they’re “Reagan Democrats” or “Ted Nugent” or whatever. Anyway, we will live-blog it, dutifully and angrily, starting right here at 4 p.m. Eastern.

Supposedly this sixth GOP debate is an MSNBC/CNBC co-production starring “Mrs. Money Honey” and “Chris Matthews,” but the respective websites for those teevee channels have no mention of the debate. This is how ashamed they are, about everything. Oh, and this is Mumbly Joe Thompson’s first debate, so expect him to say a lot of dull bullshit in a folksy grumble, about how he will save us from the Soviets and the Japs and the Krauts and Sputnik, probably. How will “Fredneck” perform? Find out soon!

GOP debate is today (nice headline, guys) [Detroit Free Press]

We saw this in another thread about “the youth vote” and decided it needed an entire post just to bum out the maximum number of people: MORE »

The geek world was outraged Friday when Philadelphia Mayor John Street was caught lining up for an iPhone like a common American. Everybody knows politicians don’t roll that way!

Wonkette Operative “JAC” went down to the AT&T store at 17th and Pennsylvania to get an iPhone. Not a huge line, but a line nonetheless. And then some shady characters in an unmarked sedan bummed out everybody … and by “everybody,” we mean “everybody but DC Mayor Adrian Fenty.”

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Hey everybody, did you hear that America is just like Ancient Rome before the tragic collapse of that civilization when the ruling class and corporate elite fled to the Orient? A shocking new book gives all sorts of examples: MORE »

Normal life came to a screeching halt today in America as news of an awful mass murder spread across the nation. Politicians canceled rallies, Congress delayed impeachment proceedings and office workers stopped their usual banal chit-chat about teevee shows or whatever for impassioned if still ill-informed discussions of gun control, violence and the dangers of creative-writing programs. MORE »

Now that America’s finished, who will take over the world? MORE »

In a stunning development, the White House has invented a story about discovered that Austrian guns have been used to fire at the American occupiers in Iraq. This is not looking good for Austria. MORE »