Wonkette

• HEADLINE OF THE DAY: “Plea Deal for Woman Accused of Having Sex With Senator’s Husband.” (And here’s what it’s actually talking about, and here’s the hooker gal, too!) [Washington Post]

Several concerned readers have written to Wonkette pointing out a few errors in our unbiased, information-filled reporting surrounding Debbie Stabenow’s husband’s tragic hooker bust. In bringing this very important information to you, we failed to adequately acquaint ourselves with greater Detroit Metropolitan area roadways, for one, and then there is the little issue of “speaking Mexican.” MORE »

And here is the $150 hooker that polished the knob of Sen. Debbie “Stab Me Now” Stabenow’s husband “near” Big Beaver, in Michigan. Her name is Alycia Lorraine Martin (always three names with these gals!), and her MySpace page features these combinations of letters: “**If you cant handel me at my worst, den you dont deserve me at muh best** Life too short for sadness alwayz smile its worth it no matter wut! BELEIVE IT!! ..” Hmm. She appears to be speaking Mexican. Translation, anyone? [The Smoking Gun]

If there’s one thing Democrats have learned from this whole Spitzer mess, it’s that the public has no patience for public figures who overspend on hookers. That’s why Tom Athans, Michigan Senator Debbie Stabenow’s husband and the cofounder of a liberal radio station, deserves a hearty pat on the back for spending less on a hooker than he would have spent on a nice dinner with his wife. MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: “Why did Rep. Dan Burton (R-Ind.) miss 19 House votes over four days in mid-January? He was playing golf in Palm Springs. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: The MPAA brought in Will Smith to make lawmakers like Hollywood again… Sufjan Stevens drank at the Watergate. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Joaquin Phoenix stood next to Dennis Kucinich at a Department of Peace press conference, refused to say anything. [Examiner]
* The Sleuth: Nebraska odd couple Chuck Hagel and Ben Nelson are getting along! Finally! [WP]
* Shenanigans: Democratic Whip James Clyburn loves Jack Daniels soooo much they asked him to be their spokesman… Sen. Debbie Stabenow ripped off the Nicholson monologue from A Few Good Men on the floor of the Senate. [Politico]

• Heard on the Hill: Nancy Pelosi’s sixth grandkid arrived Monday. It’s a boy, named Muqtada al-Pelosi Vos… Debbie Stabenow (D-Mich) is a graduate of Collegehumor.com’s number one party/lazy pot-head school, Michigan State. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: BREAKING: Joe Lieberman and wife Hadassah ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY WENT TO BORAT. [WP]
• Examiner: Nancy Pelosi and Jane Harman don’t get along, spend a great deal of time at the Four Seasons. We wait with bated breath for hilarity to ensue… Greta Van Susteren is a moronic sycophant, but you knew that. [Examiner]
• Under the Dome: Senator-elect Sherrod Brown’s wife Connie Schultz will resume her newspaper column and write a book about the race… Loretta Sanchez’ much-anticipated Christmas card is coming soon… Immigrant-hater Mike Pence Mark Souder hired Indian telemarketers to phone for him, then complained about their cuh-raazy accents mangling his xenophobic message. [The Hill]

Makes sense to us:
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Surely this can be fun for our most enterprising operatives. We get you started, after the jump:

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