Here is a brilliant switcheroo! John McCain proposes delaying his debate if he has not singlehandedly resolved America’s financial crisis by tomorrow, so that way he and Barack Obama can debate next Thursday — the night when Sarah Palin and Joe Biden were set to debate. And then once they’ve rescheduled the Palin/Biden debate, John McCain can pull another crazy stunt — announcing his own daughter is fake pregnant, maybe, or firing Ruth Bader Ginsburg, or refusing to appear in public in anything but a glittering leotard — and everyone will forget all about this Palin nut and how she withers under intense questioning by Katie freaking Couric. John McCain will personally bomb North Korea in an ancient fighter plane with a Muppet as his co-pilot before he allows Sarah Palin to debate anything besides a goldfish. A dead goldfish. [Political Ticker]

Hoorah the first debate is Friday, in Confederate Mississippi! Will the plantation owners even let Barack Obama onto the debate stage, or will he have to shout his answers from the balcony? That would be sure to spark a national conversation about race, between no one. But! We’ll see. This week, however, each campaign has assembled a team of debating “vets” for rigorous preparatory regimens. John McCain, for example, will practice-debate with the one black Republican, so as to learn all of “their” tricks. Watch the eyes, Walnuts! THEY SHIFT. And Barack Obama will be debating some old coot he kidnapped at Costco. MORE »

Someone just sent us this comical article from an October, 2006 edition of the Anchorage Daily News — a reputable journal if ever there were! — about how Sarah Palin had a “scheduling conflict” during a gubernatorial debate with her two challengers and — instead of canceling her dumb conflict, because who cares — she tried to get her running mate to debate for her. Her two challengers wouldn’t agree to this because… just… just NO. What the hell? NO LADY NO. MORE »

Last night, John McCain showed Barack Obama how it’s done when it comes to speechifying: You park yourself in an underground bunker, pack the house with 80-year-old Bitters, and blink awkwardly in front of a vomitous green screen while declaring “that’s not change you can believe in.” Emboldened by that rousing success, John McCain will today challenge Barack Obama to a series of debates that will show the world just how angry and enfeebled the Republican candidate is. [Jonathan Martin]

“Hobnobbing with crooks!” This debate will happen in Kentucky, at the cable access station behind the moonshine mill, moderated by John Edwards disguised as Charlie Gibson. Also, this is from the highly anticipated new “Brokeback Batman” movie, the end. [YouTube]

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So a couple days ago on Fox and Friends they were talking about Hillary Clinton challenging Barack Obama to a “Lincoln-Douglas debate.” They referred, of course, to the grueling series of seven three-hour debates held in 1858 between Illinois senatorial candidates Abraham Lincoln and Stephen Douglas, who was a shrimpy pro-slavery jackass. But those silly graphical artists at Fox thought the Douglas in question was Frederick Douglass, the former slave and abolitionist who basically agreed with Lincoln even if Lincoln had to hedge a bit to get elected! The point is, Hillary Clinton wants 21 more hours of debates which is why she must be stopped. MORE »

Oh no no no no no, no, no! Katie Couric’s debate has been canceled, and she’ll never be a famous teevee star like Bob Schieffer. The North Carolina Democratic party has nixed the proposed April 27 CBS debate because of logistical and scheduling concerns. In its press release, however, the party did hint at the real issue for cancellation: “There were also growing concerns about what another debate would do to party unity.” In other words, the state party and CBS don’t want to be maligned as badly as George Stephanopoulos and Charlie Gibson and everyone involved in last week’s crapfest-from-space were. [Deep breath]. Thank God there is not a debate on April 27. [Ben Smith]

Red alert! It appears Kos and his liberal netroots have breached the inner circle of ABC News’ George Stephanopoulos and killed him to death. He is a Greek “white ethnic” so that is a Hate Crime. George Stephanopoulos was 16 years old. [YouTube]

The elitist assessment of that terrible debate last night is pretty much, Oh my god, they let that be broadcast on the teevee?” So, obviously, it is the debate “Regular Americans” loved most, because ABC just announced that no primary debate has ever had so big an audience. Take that, Lincoln-Douglas Debate! Suck it, Kennedy-Nixon Debate! MORE »

Yowza yowza yowza, the Spin Room at the National Constitution Center has been conquered by Mr. Spin himself, Howard Wolfson, the Clinton campaign’s communications director and new Chief Strategist! He sure looks like he wants to hit some fella. Maybe the douchebag blogger pointing the camera in his face for like 20 seconds? (Can’t this guy shave?)

Whatever. A multitude of old slaveowners cast in bronze discussing America, after the jump. MORE »