Tag Archives: debate

  rafalca goes to war

Fox News Cannot Believe Obama Is Unfamiliar With Cutting-Edge Weapon ‘The Bayonet’

Mitt Romney got his ass handed to him last night, but to be fair, sometimes he handed himself his own ass, like when he claimed that Syria was Iran’s “route to the sea” and also, most of the other times that he opened his mouth and words came out. (Maybe the moderator could have helped him out by asking a question about the Cayman Islands? Last we heard, those are foreign!) ANYWAY, probably the finest of these non-self-inflicted ass-handing moments came when Romney was comparing today’s military to the military of the early 20th century, arguing that Obama was going to leave America unsafe forever and ever by refusing to give the Navy a bunch of ships they never asked for. Obama replied that yeah, he’s going to give them fewer ships, because DUH, they use fewer ships, and also, fewer horses and bayonets, IDIOT. This, however, hurt Fox News’ feelings, as it is apparently still remembering with longing 1917 in Flanders Fields. And it also hurt the feelings of this one serviceman who Tweeted at Fox News that we still do use bayonets in the military! Read more on Fox News Cannot Believe Obama Is Unfamiliar With Cutting-Edge Weapon ‘The Bayonet’…
  it takes a panel of dozens to act like hacks

Fox News Convenes Post-Debate Panel Of Snippy Idiots; Foofaraw Ensues

Fox News once again hired ruddy shitmonster Frank Luntz to convene a panel of undecided voters who watch Fox News (read: Romney voters who want to be on Fox News). There is video (as the kids are saying, “after the fold”). Fox Nation describes this as “Luntz Focus Group Erupts Into Near Brawl,” but it comes off more as “Luntz Focus Group Erupts Into Backbiting Fuck-Tussle.” Read more on Fox News Convenes Post-Debate Panel Of Snippy Idiots; Foofaraw Ensues…
  Libya: Which One Was That Again?

U.S Americans, Like Such As In The Iraq: Your Foreign Policy Debate Liveblog

Greetings, Wonkers, and welcome back to Wonkette’s State of the Art LiveBlogoPlex for the final Debate-O-Palooza of the 2012 Presidential campaign! Your Editrix and most of the Wonkette staff are standing by via the Top Sekrit Wonkette ChatCave for what promises to be a thoughtful and nuanced discussion of the many subtleties of international relations! Or maybe a lot of accusations and lying, it could go either way. So many questions! Has Obama agreed to talk to Iran if he’s re-elected? Will Romney talk to Iran if he wins? Are either of these guys still on speaking terms with each other? Will moderator Bob Schieffer be able to rein in either candidate, or will Mitt cold-cock him with a solid bar of gold? Which Barack Obama will show up tonight: the sleepy dude from the first debate, the feisty smart guy from the second debate, or a third, as-yet unknown Obama, some hybrid narcoleptic street fighter who throws a verbal jab and then morphs into a giant robot…which then falls asleep? And what are the implications for our relations with Brazil? Read more on U.S Americans, Like Such As In The Iraq: Your Foreign Policy Debate Liveblog…
  My God...It's full of hooves

Yes, There Will Be A Debate Livebloog Tonight!

Settle down, you miscreants! We know we freaked you out a little today by not updating while Your Editrix was out and the Brazilians came back, but rest assured: Tudo está de volta ao normal agora. Read more on Yes, There Will Be A Debate Livebloog Tonight!…
  the protocrowleys of the elders of CNN

Intrepid Conservative Blogger Magnificently Exposes Massive Hofstra-Based Conspiracy

Follow along, libtards, as some guy on the internet blows your whole world up. Last week’s town hall debate was notable for many things – Romney trying to bumrush Obama like eighteen times, Obama not falling asleep five minutes in, and Candy Crowley sort of correcting Mitt Romney by shooting him right in his stupid face. But surely there is an explanation besides “Mitt was completely wrong” for why Crowley dared stand up to America’s Next President? Duh. A blogger at something called “The Last Refuge” and/or “The Conservative Treehouse” (they LUV Andy Breitbart!) has compiled an exhaustive breakdown of exactly how Crowley, Barack Obama, Michelle Obama and Kerry Ladka, the infamous questioner/executioner, conspired to completely and totally embarrass Mitt Romney for about fifteen seconds and therefore lose him every swing state. Read more on Intrepid Conservative Blogger Magnificently Exposes Massive Hofstra-Based Conspiracy…
  this is our zapruder film

Wingnuts Furious: Shameless Lawbreaker Michelle Obama Briefly Clapped For Her Husband At Debate

Sorry, liberals, you probably thought that Barack Obama won the debate on Tuesday or whatever, BUT: just as sometimes you can retroactively have your Olympic medals taken away for cheating with drugs, or have winning football games turn into losses more than ten years after the fact due to a little child rape, so too can you lose a debate when it turns out that you had a biased accomplice in the crowd clapping for you, like Barack Obama did. How can you trust your assessment of Obama’s victory, now that you know that his wife was influencing your decision-making skills, with her magical clapping? Read more on Wingnuts Furious: Shameless Lawbreaker Michelle Obama Briefly Clapped For Her Husband At Debate…
  journamalism

Fox’s Megyn Kelly Has Questions About The Liberal Communist Maoist Questions Picked For The Debate

Thank God we have Megyn Kelly to explain why Romney shit the bed on so many of the questions in last night’s Happy Lovey Hoe-Down Sing-Along — it’s probably because of Candy Crowley, but it’s MOSTLY because of the American public with their stupid concerns. Why did they have such LIBERAL concerns? Real Americans care about the deficit, the fiscal cliff, taxes, bombing more Muslins, and the deficit, though not in that order. So the REAL question is, who picked these people and let them ask questions? Hmm? And why did they ask about stuff we already know from before? Megyn Kelly predicts that there will be questions about that, just questions, that’s all. Read more on Fox’s Megyn Kelly Has Questions About The Liberal Communist Maoist Questions Picked For The Debate…
  at least he didn't call him boy

Humble Gent Mitt Romney Tells President Of United States Of America To STFU

What was your favorite part of last night’s Friendly Friends Hour of Good Times and Niceness? Was it when trustworthy, loyal, helpful, thrifty, cheerful, courteous and brave mild-mannered gentleman Miffed Romney told the President of the United States to shut the fuck up? PROBABLY NOT! But let’s relive it anyway! Read more on Humble Gent Mitt Romney Tells President Of United States Of America To STFU…
  mind the gap

Fox News Watergates Debate Transcript; Erases Four Worst Minutes Of Mitt Romney’s Life

There’s a conspiracy afoot, kid detectives! After the debate, the networks posted “transcripts” of the debate. “What’s a transcript?” your dumb friend might ask. Well, a transcript is when someone writes down everything people said and then you cite from it on the internet! Well, Fox News “transcribed” the debate last night, but there was a mysterious four minute audio gap. Read more on Fox News Watergates Debate Transcript; Erases Four Worst Minutes Of Mitt Romney’s Life…
  flotus files

The Inevitable ‘Who Wore It Best?’ Michelle Obama vs. Ann Romney Smackdown

Before going into too much detail, the answer is Michelle Obama. Always. Unless of course the question is, “Who ate the rest of my french fries?” (The answer to that question used to be The Snowbilly, but now who knows?!) If you watched last night’s debate long enough to see the spouses emerge from the dark tunnels under America’s “undecided” voters, you may have noticed that OMG LADIES WEARING THE SAME COLOR OUTFIT!!! This is what happens when you are trapped in Mitt Romney’s lady-binders, we guess? Or it was a dumb breast cancer thing. (Women’s vote! Ladies just love their pink ribbons and October breast cancer-themed Lifetime movie marathons.) Let us explore! Read more on The Inevitable ‘Who Wore It Best?’ Michelle Obama vs. Ann Romney Smackdown…
  make em say vote nah nah nah nah

‘Bout To Get Rowdy Rowdy And Debate It ‘Bate It

Hello, nerds! Rebecca and I are ready and set to get up in this debate shit, on the real. Tonight is the most important night of Barack Obama’s life, in that he should just straight slam Five Hour Energy and then leap around onstage like he will seriously Seal Team Six the fuck out of Romney’s shit. I am liveblogging from Gooeyz on the Ohio State University campus, courtesy of the Franklin County Young Democrats. Rebecca is blogging from a velvet couch while smoking a cigarette out of a long black holder. 8:38 PM: I have not seen a group of people this white sit in a space this small since that group of college kids piled in that Land Rover at Hilton Head. Read more on ‘Bout To Get Rowdy Rowdy And Debate It ‘Bate It…
  of course he's prolife he is a fetus

Ohio Senate Candidate Josh Mandel Loves Women So Much, Has A Mom And Wife And Everything

Good times on the ol’ SPAN last night, as Ohio state Treasurer/debate club fetus TOOK IT to Senator Sherrod Brown, and by “took it to” we mean yelled his talking points with awesome macho frowning and stuff. Did you know that Josh Mandel served his country in Iraq? It is true, he did, though how he managed not to take a dose of friendly fire from his fellow troops who must have LOVED him is beyond what our puny mortal brains can understand. We think the first time he mentioned his service was in response to a Muslim fellow asking why he had run anti-Muslim ads against an opponent. The answer to that was “Iraq and ladies rights, don’t we all agree HENGHHH?” Then there was his answer to ladies’ rights HERE (clip not embeddable, FUCK YOU, SPAN!), to which his answer was “I have a wife and a mom! JERBS!” Dude, so suavay. Read more on Ohio Senate Candidate Josh Mandel Loves Women So Much, Has A Mom And Wife And Everything…
  sore losermen

Fox News ‘Doctor’ Just Asking If Joe Biden Has Dementia, That’s All

This is a video of a Fox “News” “Medical” correspondent visiting Fox and Friends to argue that Joe Biden is either a drunk, obnoxious asshole OR a senile, drunk old man with dementia. Apparently these are the only explanations for interrupting someone that isn’t Jim Lehrer—being an obnoxious asshole, or having dementia. Read more on Fox News ‘Doctor’ Just Asking If Joe Biden Has Dementia, That’s All…
  no-shows

‘Joe’ the ‘Plumber’ Has No Time For ‘Debates’

Remember Joe the Plumber, that guy who isn’t really named Joe and isn’t really a plumber but nonetheless became famous for no particular reason during the 2008 election and then somehow managed to get a reporting gig for Pajamas Media and subsequently “wrote” a “book” that now sells for about $00.01 on Amazon? Yes, THAT “Joe” the “Plumber.” It pains us to inform you that he is also “running” for Congress with the same zeal he usually reserves for”plumbing” and book-“writing.” Read more on ‘Joe’ the ‘Plumber’ Has No Time For ‘Debates’…
  Spotlight on Civility

A Children’s Treasury of Butthurt Reactions To Joe Biden’s Debate Demeanor

Say, did you notice that Joe Biden was just a little interrupty in the VP Debate? We are given to understand that Old Handsome Joe’s performance made a bit of a stir among some of the more sensitive souls on the right side of the political spectrum. (You see, when a Republican puts on an angry threat display, it proves his “alpha male” status. When a Dem does something similar, it is the end of civility as we know it, and poo must be flung.) The Wingosphere is experiencing such a tsunami of tsuris over Mean Joe that we can only skim the surface in this post; no doubt we will miss some of your personal favorites. So it goes. Let’s see whose delicate sensibilities have been ruffled by the Veep-Hulk: Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Butthurt Reactions To Joe Biden’s Debate Demeanor…