How’s the “best health care system in the world” doing, these days? Uhh …. Large swaths of the United States are showing decreasing or stagnating life expectancy even as the nation’s overall longevity trend has continued upwards, according to a county-by-county study of life expectancy over two decades. In one-quarter of the country, girls born […]

The number of Americans relying on federal help to get food has been climbing for years now, with 45 million people and 21 million households currently dependent on the program. It’s not just the unemployed relying on the vouchers — seniors, veterans, school children and the disabled are among the groups hit hardest in this […]

President Obama hosted an impromptu Christian egg-thing on his lawn this morning, probably because he forgot to send out a “Happy Easter!” eCard and needed to cover his ass. Your Wonkette had the panache to attend this family event and then ask Barack Obama a mean-spirited question about an American citizen who has been held […]

Enemy of the Koch “JoAnne Kloppenburg” was thoroughly defeated by old-timey wingnut David Prosser in the recent Wisconsin Supreme Court election, after some weird lady “found” 14,000 votes on her personal computer. But now this hippie sore loser has requested a recount, probably because Prosser is only ahead by 7,316 votes, which is 0.5 percent […]

Conditions at the Fukushima Daiichi plant are worsening by the day, and the general consensus seems to be that the plant’s damaged nuclear reactors are beyond repair. Remember when Japan was dumping helicopter-loads of water on the plant, to “cool down” the reactors? Ha-ha, there’s been a slight change of plans. Officials have requested the […]

People who aren’t billionaires experienced a rare “hopeful” sensation (haha, remember that word, “Hope”? Before it was removed from the Oxford English Dictionary and replaced with “OMG”?) last week, after an activist judge legislating from the bench ruled that Scott Walker’s Gilded Age labor bill was total garbage. Scott Walker’s goon squad just cold-ignored this […]

Private First Class Bradley Manning faces twenty-two “new” charges, including “aiding the enemy” and probably “complaining too much about being tortured, what a weenie.” (Army people refused to identify the “enemy” Manning is allegedly aiding. Surprise!) Brad Manning is still in solitary confinement at the Quantico Marine Fun Palace, so we’re sure that these new […]

Because old people are disproportionately Republican and old, a high percentage of those currently planning on voting that black man out of office will be dead before they get the chance. But they are not powerless! They can make sure their final decisions on this Earth are motivated by their favorite emotion, hate, and the […]

The U.S. Department of Agriculture promotes the sale of as much U.S. agricultural products as possible, which means soaked in poison and processed out of recognition, but the USDA is also supposedly the national arbiter of nutritional information. This is why the average public school lunch is made of trans fat, e. coli and the […]

DICK CHENEY HAS GONE SOFT. All you need to do is look at this screengrab from the Today show. Yes, that’s him discussing Angry Birds, a smartphone game commonly played by people who don’t have millions of brown people at their fingertips to murder at will. It’s a sign that his body’s evolved venom sacs, […]

Break out your advent calendar and enjoy a delicious chocolate-covered Alaska Supreme Court ruling which states there “are no remaining issues raised by Miller that prevent this election from being certified.” Yay! Blow it out yer butt, Joe Miller, you hairy fraud. Joe will have two days to file “additional complaints,” but it’s unclear what […]

Oh look, somebody sent us this “fact sheet” so you can Know Before You Go at the airport! Here are the people who should not get in the cancer tube naked-picture machines, according to science and the U.S. Airline Pilots Association: 1. Travelers over 65. 2. Women with high risk of breast cancer 3. HIV […]

Cigarettes are going to cease to exist forever because the FDA has unveiled new, scarier anti-smoking warnings that will cover 50% of the front of cigarette packaging. But because these warning pictures were made by bureaucrats, they’re not actually that scary. Where’s the photo of a cigarette chopping a guy’s dick in half? C’mon, government. […]

OMG, you guys, Glenn Beck is dying! At least we think so, as he is very cryptic about it. He got all teary and such on his radio show today, and while that’s pretty much an every-second occurrence for him, this time he seemed resigned to the fact that he will die, or something, soon. […]

Hugs are gay and start wars. CNBC’s Larry Kudlow knows this all too well, from personal experience, and that is why he penned perhaps the greatest prose ever to grace Big Government, Andrew Breitbart’s ePoop depository. Just take a moment to admire Kudlow’s lede: “Am I the only one who saw weakness when President Obama […]