death
With 45 Million Americans On Food Stamps, GOP Will Cut Food Stamps
The number of Americans relying on federal help to get food has been climbing for years now, with 45 million people and 21 million households currently dependent on the program. It’s not just the unemployed relying on the vouchers — seniors, veterans, school children and the disabled are among the groups hit hardest in this [...]
Scott Walker Ignores Court Orders, War Against Normal People Continues
People who aren’t billionaires experienced a rare “hopeful” sensation (haha, remember that word, “Hope”? Before it was removed from the Oxford English Dictionary and replaced with “OMG”?) last week, after an activist judge legislating from the bench ruled that Scott Walker’s Gilded Age labor bill was total garbage. Scott Walker’s goon squad just cold-ignored this [...]
Bradley Manning Charged With ‘Aiding the Enemy,’ Other Dumb Things
Private First Class Bradley Manning faces twenty-two “new” charges, including “aiding the enemy” and probably “complaining too much about being tortured, what a weenie.” (Army people refused to identify the “enemy” Manning is allegedly aiding. Surprise!) Brad Manning is still in solitary confinement at the Quantico Marine Fun Palace, so we’re sure that these new [...]
Oprah, WalMart & USDA Want ‘Healthier’ Processed Anusburgers
The U.S. Department of Agriculture promotes the sale of as much U.S. agricultural products as possible, which means soaked in poison and processed out of recognition, but the USDA is also supposedly the national arbiter of nutritional information. This is why the average public school lunch is made of trans fat, e. coli and the [...]
Dick Cheney Says We Should Look Into Gun Control (Is He Dying?)
DICK CHENEY HAS GONE SOFT. All you need to do is look at this screengrab from the Today show. Yes, that’s him discussing Angry Birds, a smartphone game commonly played by people who don’t have millions of brown people at their fingertips to murder at will. It’s a sign that his body’s evolved venom sacs, [...]
Alaska Supreme Court: Joe Miller Is a Huge Loser
Break out your advent calendar and enjoy a delicious chocolate-covered Alaska Supreme Court ruling which states there “are no remaining issues raised by Miller that prevent this election from being certified.” Yay! Blow it out yer butt, Joe Miller, you hairy fraud. Joe will have two days to file “additional complaints,” but it’s unclear what [...]
Everyone Actually ‘At Risk’ In Cancer-Porn Machines
Oh look, somebody sent us this “fact sheet” so you can Know Before You Go at the airport! Here are the people who should not get in the cancer tube naked-picture machines, according to science and the U.S. Airline Pilots Association: 1. Travelers over 65. 2. Women with high risk of breast cancer 3. HIV [...]
FDA’s Cigarette Package Plan To Feature Cool Death Images
Cigarettes are going to cease to exist forever because the FDA has unveiled new, scarier anti-smoking warnings that will cover 50% of the front of cigarette packaging. But because these warning pictures were made by bureaucrats, they’re not actually that scary. Where’s the photo of a cigarette chopping a guy’s dick in half? C’mon, government. [...]
Dying Glenn Beck Dying, Has Crackpot Theory About Him Dying
OMG, you guys, Glenn Beck is dying! At least we think so, as he is very cryptic about it. He got all teary and such on his radio show today, and while that’s pretty much an every-second occurrence for him, this time he seemed resigned to the fact that he will die, or something, soon. [...]
Raytheon Makes Silly Death Suit, Probably Using Your Tax Dollars
Here is the “infrastructure” or whatever that America so desperately needs: U.S. military tech firm Raytheon is living the dream — as long as that dream involves donning a mechanical suit, smashing through thick pine boards and pressing a hundred kilos just for fun. Meet the XOS 2. Uh, Cool? Fox News has a fun [...]
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