Tag Archives: death panels

  old people gettin' busy

Senior Citizens Nearly Kill Each Other Over Campaign Yard Signs

Some old people in the Chicago suburb of Wilmette went bonkers on each other because of political candidate signs on somebody’s lawn. While the brutal old-on-old violence occurred back on October 4, it is just now reaching the news media because, honestly, elderly people seem to always be going on about something and who has the time to try to decipher their grunts and mumbles? What we know is this: Three humans aged 60, 85 and 92 were involved in a savage sidewalk altercation because one of them didn’t like some campaign yard sign that may or may not have been located on the lawn of the other(s). The 85-year-old man, during the course of his alleged attack on the 92-year-old and his 60-year-old daughter, tumbled over his walker. While it should be ILLEGAL IN THE CONSTITUTION to even blog about this (let alone laugh at it), we shall soldier on because this is, after all, a Lib Hate Site. Read more on Senior Citizens Nearly Kill Each Other Over Campaign Yard Signs…
  it's morning in america

Activist Federal Judge: ObamaKKKare Death Panels Are Constitutional

In perhaps the most important decision since Roe v. Wade or maybe even Thomas Jefferson v. Illegitimate Slave Children, a federal judge upheld Barack Obama’s sinister “health insurance for everyone” death pyramid scheme. Legal scholars around the world are puzzled as to why the judge ruled in favor of Communism and against the patriot-plaintiffs, a “Christian legal group and four people” (who are not Christians?). But oh well, Barack Obama’s evil law forcing every American to have health insurance by 2014 (and fining people for skipping coverage) is legal! There is a case just like this one currently being argued in basically every single state, so the hope is that maybe a judge with half a brain will rule in favor of impeaching Obama. [AP] Read more on Activist Federal Judge: ObamaKKKare Death Panels Are Constitutional… Read more on Activist Federal Judge: ObamaKKKare Death Panels Are Constitutional…
  wonkette world o' books

Lazy Suburban Death Panels of the Future

Looking for visions of a hellish future where every American has health insurance, gasoline costs ten dollars a gallon, and nature has largely reclaimed the exurbs from the strip malls and McMansions? If so, Universal Coverage by Daniel Putkowski is calling to you! A dystopian novel “in the tradition of 1984 and Animal Farm” (says elitist literary critic Newt Gingrich), Universal Coverage reveals the horrors of socialized medicine through the tale of one man’s quest to find a Boat-Hospital of Freedom to treat his unwell son. Fawning blurbs from Newt, Steve Forbes, and the president of NYU’s College Republicans are plastered on this book like gaudy lipstick on a common street pig, so it has to be good. Read more on Lazy Suburban Death Panels of the Future…
  our new media economy

Fox News Encourages Old Poor People To Try ‘Photoshop’

Cable channel Fox News needs content for its website, but of course Fox News stories consist of some video clips from a space movie, a weird chart with random numbers, and a couple of words like “socialist.” Tough to turn that into a few paragraphs on a web page. And that’s why America’s sad old unemployed people have been asked to make crappy photoshops for Mr. Murdoch’s web concern. Read more on Fox News Encourages Old Poor People To Try ‘Photoshop’…
  walnuts!

John McCain Will Repeal Health Care Reform, Through Magic, If You Send Him Money

A pathetic, amoral piece of garbage who is utterly terrified of losing his fat-cat Senate privileges, that’s John McCain: “I believe we must repeal this bill immediately. I am currently working in every way possible on your behalf to accomplish this. However, I am facing a tough reelection campaign. If I am not reelected this year, I cannot fight for our shared values in the Senate. That’s why your immediate donation of any amount is so critical. Your urgent support will enable me to continue our fight against this terrible bill.” Read more on John McCain Will Repeal Health Care Reform, Through Magic, If You Send Him Money…
  sports desk

Some Pro Sports Performer Wants To Be Ted Kennedy

The race to fill Ted Kennedy’s ample seat in the Senate is heating up like a corpse in the summer tide! (Sorry, Denby.) Curt Schilling, world champion quarterback for Boston’s “Mighty Ducks,” loves George W. Bush and jacking off in bloodstained sock, so he is qualified to be the Republican candidate. Schilling, heir to his family’s spice fortune, joins a crowded Republican field that includes former Lieutenant Governor Kerry Healey and pretty much nobody else. Read more on Some Pro Sports Performer Wants To Be Ted Kennedy…
  when logic attacks vol. 1

The Chilling Story Of A Health Care Town Hall That, For Like Thirty Seconds, Featured Fact-Based Dissent

There is a formula for instant success in our nation’s great health care town halls: So you, the congressperson, mention some constituent whose medical condition would definitely take a turn for the worse in the event of the mere existence of the public option. What follows is death—irrecoverable death by death panel. Maybe even you have a photo of said constituent, hey that’s great! That is… it. Tragically, things went terribly awry the other day in Texas, as Republican Congressman Pete Olson’s town hall turned violently factual. Read more on The Chilling Story Of A Health Care Town Hall That, For Like Thirty Seconds, Featured Fact-Based Dissent…
  racists

A Children’s Treasury Of Insane Old People That Zeke Emanuel Should Euthanize, In Dallas

Getting tired of THIS STUFF, aren’t you? Well, suck it up. At this point, we want to pressure Obama and Congress to incorporate as much rationing and Death Paneling as possible into a final health care bill, with very loose criteria. You’re eligible for Medicare, human? KILL. This will be the single determining criterion. It will save us so much money, for sexy parties. So along with the old racist up top, we will now present a few other candidates for Death Panels, from a recent town hall protest in Dallas. Thank you to operative “Lisa” for these freaking gross images. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Insane Old People That Zeke Emanuel Should Euthanize, In Dallas…
  cartoon violence

Horrifying Health Care Myths, Debunked!

By the Comics Curmudgeon It has come to our attention here at Cartoon Violence that many of you do not understand the difficult-to-understand details of the multiple mutually contradictory Obamacare plans currently weaving their way through the opaque, byzantine legislative process! This makes it more likely that you’ll fall for one of the terrible lies about health care reform that your aunt is sending you from her AOL address. In response, we have presented the only thing more convincing than an email that has been forwarded multiple times, with all the header information retained, and that’s a series of goofy cartoons! Once you read these and understand the truth, you are to call the CIA and have your aunt shipped to Bagram, at once. Read more on Horrifying Health Care Myths, Debunked!…
  blood will run through the streets

Senate Finance Committee Killing Death Panels?

Trig will live after all! Suck a beanpole, Obama, because the Senate Finance Committee will apparently strip from its terrible hell-bill the provision to reimburse Medicare doctors who provide end-of-life counseling sessions. Chuck Grassley is the force behind this stripping, because holy shit, he had no idea that Obama was planning on killing him (“grandma”) with this provision! Which he was! The Senate Finance Committee health care bill will soon just be a massive tax cut for Wall Street investment banks and Montgomery Burns. [TPM] Read more on Senate Finance Committee Killing Death Panels?…
  you betcha

YES WE WILL LIVEBLOG PRESIDENT OBAMA’S TOWN HALL WITH PITCHFORK-WIELDING MOBS AT 1PM EASTERN: As if you had to ask. Go get yourself some cut-rate Canadian oxycontin and we’ll see you back here in half an hour. Read more on …