Tag Archives: death panels

  Unofficial birthday itinerary

Happy 54th, President Obama! You’re Still The Kenyan Muslim Infiltrator OF OUR HEARTS!

Happy birthday, you young thing!
On this day 54 years ago, the long foretold Barack Hussein Obama was born in a remote field in Indokenyamuslimstan, the love child of the Prophet Muhammad and Beyoncé, who is a lot older than she looks. Everybody was so excited! Three wise men came from afar, not bearing gifts, but simply a scroll containing the Illuminati’s plan for how the baby boy would one day infiltrate US America and turn it gay, for Marxism. And then he grew up and the prophecies were fulfilled! Well, most of them anyway. He still has to do the part where he takes away all the guns and declares himself president of America forever, times infinity. Read more on Happy 54th, President Obama! You’re Still The Kenyan Muslim Infiltrator OF OUR HEARTS!…
  Don't vote for him if you like living

Jeb Bush Will Murder Medicare And Your Mee-Maw

Sad Jebbers is sadness.
Are you an Old? If so, then this post is not for you, because Jeb Bush doesn’t want to murder your Medicare. But are you a card-carrying member of the Future Olds Of America club? US TOO! Do you want to have healthcare during that time right before you cross the Rainbow Bridge your Golden Years? Well then you don’t want to vote for Jeb Bush, because he wants to murder your Medicare, with fire. Bush was doing one of those campaign events where you suck on the wrinkled penises of the Koch brothers in front of a live audience, and said hey, we should get rid of that thing where the Olds get to go to the doctor and stuff: Read more on Jeb Bush Will Murder Medicare And Your Mee-Maw…
  Triumph Of The Living Will

Jeb Bush Gonna Death-Panel Americans To Death, With Death Panels!

OK, it's a little heavyhanded. Except maybe compared to passing a law to keep someone on life support forever.
Probable presidential candidate John Ellis Bush (“Jeb”) Bush, fresh off his recent interview bragging about how he saved Terri Schiavo’s life real good 13 years ago, has given some thought to how future governors can be saved from the anguish that he had to suffer in that case, and he thinks maybe the answer is that patients on Medicare should be required to make a plan for the kind of end-of-life care they want. You know, death panels. Read more on Jeb Bush Gonna Death-Panel Americans To Death, With Death Panels!…
  Sunday Bloody New York Times Sunday

At The New York Times, A Slow News Day

Fred Stein, 'Children reading newspaper' 1936
Things have quieted down in Ferguson and we have a holiday weekend, so the New York Times is full of analysis-type stuff today. There’s a pretty good piece on Democrats’ attempts to mobilize African-American voters who are outraged over Michael Brown’s shooting (and another story about that effort in Ferguson, specifically). There’s also longish story about the Chinese Communist Party’s attempt to prevent Hong Kong from doing free-n-fair elections, which is both well-reported and interesting, but which we bet you won’t read because it is not sexxay, you laggards. Go on, we dare you! You probably can’t handle it! The big breaking news of the morning, we guess, is the St. Louis Rams’ cutting Michael Sam, and if you read the New York Times for sports news, that’s in there too. Read more on At The New York Times, A Slow News Day…
  something wicked this way comes

A Children’s Treasury Of Stupid Pictures From The Koch Brothers’ Anti-Obamacare Carnival

Last time we checked in with the Koch brothers’ frathouse spinoff Generation Opportunity, they were attempting to convince DC’s underemployed youth to shun Obamacare by drowning them in rail drinks and cheap sunglasses. Now that it’s summertime, like everyone else they want to be outside having fun instead of in some dank basement bar, so what better waste of their seemingly bottomless budget than holding a parody of a carnival on the National Mall? Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Stupid Pictures From The Koch Brothers’ Anti-Obamacare Carnival…
  football spiked!

Barack Obama Thinks Obamacare Is So Cool Just Because Millions Of People Have Insurance Now Who Didn’t Before

Well that sounded a lot more like the Barack Obama we know and like. Barry gave the numbers — 7.1 million enrollees — and said that even though his failed healthcare policy had totally failed, he wasn’t going to let anyone repeal it, because he’s just a bastard that way. “But the debate over repealing this law is over. The Affordable Care Act is here to stay.” He denied, yet again, the existence of death panels, and claimed that “Armageddon has not arrived,” despite the documented presence of a pale rider on a skeletal horse right next to the podium. Oh, yes, and then he also talked about several of the many people who have already benefited from the ACA and said that if anyone seriously plans to repeal or replace the ACA, they’d better have a pretty good explanation for why these folks — and several million others — should no longer have the coverage and security that they have been able to purchase. There is that. Read more on Barack Obama Thinks Obamacare Is So Cool Just Because Millions Of People Have Insurance Now Who Didn’t Before…
  the internet was nice while it lasted

Obama Will Murder All Your Porn And Cat Videos, Too Bad, Suck It

OMG! Did you guys hear that the Internet is being given away? Quick! Download all the dirtiest porn you can, because THE INTERNET IS ABOUT TO GO AWAY FOREVER! YES, GODDAMIT, THIS DOES TOO DESERVE ALL CAPS BECAUSE THE INTERNET WORLD IS COMING TO AN END. At least, that’s what we are hearing. Are you freaking out yet? FREAK OUT, DAMMIT. Wait, we are hearing that there is a small chance of an over-reaction by everyone. Perhaps you should rein it in, Dear Reader, and calm the fuck down. No need to freak out all the time just because some crazy website told you to. Here’s the deal, straight from the Commerce Department, via Media Matters: To support and enhance the multistakeholder model of Internet policymaking and governance, the U.S. Commerce Department’s National Telecommunications and Information Administration (NTIA) today announces its intent to transition key Internet domain name functions to the global multistakeholder community. In non-government speak, the Washington Post helpfully explains, “U.S. officials announced plans Friday to relinquish federal government control over the administration of the Internet.” Apparently, in a transition that has been in the works since 1998, there will soon be a global governing body to help keep the Internet running smoothly and full of all the Interracial Siberian Threesomes your eyeballs can handle. Let’s wonksplore.  Read more on Obama Will Murder All Your Porn And Cat Videos, Too Bad, Suck It…
  hot pants

PolitiFact Tackles Hot-Button Issue Of Obamacare Beheadings

It would be so exciting to live in a country where “Obamacare Medical Codes Confirm: Execution by Beheading To Be Implemented in America”, but PolitiFact says no, we cannot live there because there is a fire on its pants. Why is PolitiFact so mean to our childlike sense of wonder and our precious need to feel threatened, which helps us pretend we’re important? All this rage isn’t going to misdirect itself, darn it! Read more on PolitiFact Tackles Hot-Button Issue Of Obamacare Beheadings…
  Also too also ad infinitum also

Sarah Palin Has Answer To Syria: ‘Bomb Obamacare’

Wow, are you losers still caring about that Syria thing? That is so dumb. Syria is this whole other country, and you can’t even see it from your house! Besides, Allah will sort it out. Foreign policy expert Sarah Palin already told you that weeks ago! So now that’s all resolved, let’s please get back to focusing on what really matters: death panels. Wait, what? Wasn’t that whole panels thing debunked eleventy quadrillionteen times? Yes, but now there is new, indisputable evidence that Sarah Palin was right about death panels all along. What is this new evidence? Why, it is a video of people saying “death panels.” Case closed also! Read more on Sarah Palin Has Answer To Syria: ‘Bomb Obamacare’…
  slavery is freedom

Ted Cruz’s Dad Seems Nice

Hey, remember Ted Cruz’s Jerk Baby? She was fun! We dug her! Well, move over, Jerk Baby, you are now officially the Chillest Member of Ted Cruz’s Family Of Funtimes Friends. Here is Ted Cruz’s dad, via the Des Moines Register, blah blah blahing about Fidel Castro and stuff, and how Barack Obama is Castro times Stalin plus Dorothy Day probably. But then he gets unboring and starts a-whoopin’ and a-frothin’ like he is Rick Santorum’s dad instead of the Canadian Anchor Babby’s! Read more on Ted Cruz’s Dad Seems Nice…
  keep fucking that chicken

In Ploy To Weaken Obamacare, GOP Geniuses Give Obama More Power Over Obamacare

Back in November, the United States held an election that you might have heard about. And in that election one B. Barry Bamz trounced the ever loving shit out of some dude, what was his name, the guy with the hair? Unfortunately, the hair guy’s party held on to the House of Representatives and its caucus of addlepated numbfuck children who couldn’t find their own dicks with both hands and a map. Great, we thought, four more years of shrieking about PIGFORD! and BENGHAZI! and most importantly, OBAMACARE! But there was hope for a brief moment when the nominal head of this merry band of dimwits, Tea Party blow-up fuck doll John Boehner, told Diane Sawyer days after the election that Obamacare was now the law of the land, and though he still claimed he hated it and would do what he could to change parts of it, the people had spoken. Was it possible, we wondered, that at the very least the House would stop with the fruitless repeal votes and talk about something else? Ha ha, no: Read more on In Ploy To Weaken Obamacare, GOP Geniuses Give Obama More Power Over Obamacare…
  we got your rascal hanging

Ready The FEMA Camps: Obama Coming For Your Rascal So You Can’t Run Or Hide

They tried to warn us. “Government out of my Medicare!” they said. “Something about socialized medicine and Dr. Mengele,” said they. But did we listen? Or did we just howl with laughter? WELL NO ONE’S LAUGHING NOW, BUDDY. And that is because Barack Hussein Nobumer has criminalized being old, in the form of raiding The Scooter Store for massive amounts of Medicare fraud, and now he is going to death panel all of you, right quick! Why do we never listen to Sarah Palin’s gentle murmurs? WHYYYYYY???? Read more on Ready The FEMA Camps: Obama Coming For Your Rascal So You Can’t Run Or Hide…
  destroy twitter in order to save it

Nice Ann Romney Dragged Before Obamacare Death Panel, On Twitter

Man, you leave Twitter for an hour, and when you come back an entire 5-season telenovela has already played out. Now? Someone has taken that nice Ann Romney and shoved her before an Obamacare Death Panel! (If you are ever before an Obamacare Death Panel, you better pray to your uncaring God that check-kiting grifter and evil moon-muffin Newt Gingrich isn’t chairing it.) Huh? We said, because that is craaaazy. Well, it seems Democratic personage Hilary Rosen went on Anderson Cooper and bitched a little that Ann Romney has never worked a day in her life — which is true — but then tried to back it up by blaming Mittens for saying that Ann campaigns a lot without him and always reports back that women are worried about the economy. Rosen tried to spin this, completely disingenuously, as Mittens claiming Ann is an expert on women and the economy. No, he said she reports back that that’s what women are talking about. Shut up Hilary Rosen. And shut up Romney campaign manager Eric Fehrnstrom. Nobody believes you no matter how many times you repeat your “Mostly False” bullshit about 92 percent of jobs lost under Obama being women’s. That is an unpossible number. Like, that is higher than Obama’s share of the black vote, almost, maybe! And while we’re at it, shut up newest Breitbart on the block “Washington Free Beacon,” which yesterday had a story about an Obama campaign staffer being a misogynist because she follows Mike Tyson, Chris Brown, Alec Baldwin, and “notorious womanizer” and Republican former governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, on Twitter. Read more on Nice Ann Romney Dragged Before Obamacare Death Panel, On Twitter…
  coney island baby

Death Panel Roller Coaster

Here’s something, to kill you with, after the Retirement Age is changed to “when you cannot stand up anymore, and your hands are gnarled wads of bone and skin flaps,” and Paul Ryan needs some way to lure you to the Death Panel: Free roller coaster! And it ends in death. Read more on Death Panel Roller Coaster…
  rumors on the internets

America’s Manure Crisis Finally Hits Home

After losing the meeting with his appointed death panel (cancer), a brave Houston man speaks out from beyond the grave to stop Barry Hussein. [KRIV] Sen. Ron Johnson says that Obamacare is the greatest assault on freedom in his lifetime, which is true because McCarthyism and Jim Crow were just for laughs. [WSJ] Read more on America’s Manure Crisis Finally Hits Home…
  you can't never forget hard enough

National Zoo Death Panel Murders Brave Bald Eagle

HMM, SYMBOLISM: “Sam, an elderly female bald eagle who had lived at the Smithsonian’s National Zoo since 2003, was euthanized by officials on Dec. 31, authorities said.” First the Smithsonian lets ants just walk all over a crucifix like they own it, and then their death panel decides to kill granny bald eagle, America’s greatest symbol. What’s worse, this socialist D.C.-insider organization put this patriot bird under big-government slavery after simply trying to enjoy the Second Amendment: “Sam… lived in Alaska until 1986, when she was found suffering from a gunshot wound.” Surely she wanted to die living in freedom and not by the hands of some government-funded bureaucrats. Surely Sarah Palin must RT this. Read more on National Zoo Death Panel Murders Brave Bald Eagle…