Tag: death

Imagine, If You Dare, A World Where Trump Was A Disciplined Campaigner

Looks like Alex would like us to yell at him again.
Best friends.

Donald Trump Says It’s Cool If You Die On November 9

He only means for old white Trump supporters, though. Others are free to die whenever they want.

This One Chart Explains How Donald Trump Is Vile Beyond Description

Donald Trump's much anticipated (so they say) speech on illegal immigration used the word "kill" six times. "Murder" came up three times. There was one "rape," three "violent," a whopping 24 "criminal," five "horrible," just one "terrible" (!), five...

Stories Of Elderly Restaurant Customers And The Havoc They Caused

Welcome back to Off The Menu, where we bring you the best and strangest food stories from my email inbox. This week, we've got stories of the trials and tribulations of the elderly in restaurants (many of which are...
Your cancer is in another castle!

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Your Week In New Age Quack-Quack Woo

Greetings, pals! I see you've returned for another edition of the Snake Oil Bulletin, your weekly round-up of the worst -- just the absolute worst -- in poppycock to promulgate throughout this vast interweb of ours. Let's waste no...
Suddenly that gas price no longer indicates how old this photo is!

Let Us Now Praise Famous K-Lo Recipes: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers

Important National Review Online pundit Kathryn Jean Lopez only really gets excited twice a year: When she makes up another excuse to get people to send her a bunch of porn, and when Thanksgiving comes around so she can...

K-Lo Posts Her Dream Recipe: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers

Important National Review Online pundit Kathryn Jean Lopez only really gets excited twice a year: When she makes up another excuse to get people to send her a bunch of porn, and when Thanksgiving comes around so she can...

Hero Maryland Pastor: Vote Against Gay Marriage Or You Should Die

So there's this Maryland referendum coming up for a vote on November 6, see, and it's about letting gay people marry each other. You know, so they can get those sweet tax deductions, and visit each other in the...

Mike Huckabee Orders You To Stop Criticizing This Anti-Gay Fast Food Chicken Company

The Chick-fil-A company, which produces these salty waffle fries and breaded/fried chickenish sandwiches with two pickles apiece that serve as delicious on-the-go college meals but otherwise just give you hella diabetes, is notoriously owned by a prominent family in...

Big ‘La Boheme’ Fan Rick Scott Closes TB Hospital During TB Outbreak

Tuberculosis used to be cool, man, back when it was called "consumption" and badasses like Doc Holliday died from it. Everything used to cooler back in the day when people just dropped dead in the street from disease...

Donald Trump To Build Garish Condos On Iranian Riviera

Oh, man, this is what happens when Donald Trump reads the liberal media! It just reaffirms all of his most terrifying fever-dreams. For instance, the New York Times reports that Barack Obama is implementing a policy of...

The Obama Administration Assures You That Its Drone-Kill List Is In Good Hands

Good morning, liberals! Did you spend yesterday carefully poring over the extremely long The New York Times article about the list of people the administration carefully compiles, personally selected by the President (except in those cases when they're...

Adam Yauch Remembrances: Wolf Blitzer Edition

Beastie Boys' "Fight for your Right" is blasting from @wolfblitzercnn's office right now! #MCA— Eric Weisbrod (@EricWeisbrod) May 4, 2012 Everyone is so sad about the death of the Beastie Boys' Adam "MCA" Yauch from cancer today, just everyone. Wolf...

Feds Seize Thousands Of Ugly Electrocuting Hair Dryers From Hell

See those ugly ass swirly neon hair dryers/butt fluffers? Well they just got busted, like suckers, at the illegal ports of Miami and Los Angeles. Thousands of them. 13,000+! Apparently if you use these things to dry your hair...

Gingrich Formerly a Fan of Executing People for Drug Possession

Newt Gingrich claims to think big thoughts that no one else thinks, when really all he's done in his career is speak or rather be Speakery or historiany, which does not require thought. Case in point: back when his...

TSA Now Testing Radiation Levels of TSA Airport Security Workers

How safe are those "backskatter" radiation machines, again? Completely safe, of course! But the Department of Homeland Security is just going to do a little check-and-see, just in case thousands and thousands of TSA airport security workers are about...